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Gambling son

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#1 Posted on:
Tue, 16/09/2014 - 23:53

justamum

Joined:
2014-09-16

Don't know what to do to help him more. We found out 4 months ago that our 21 year old son was gambling. Phone and roulette machines at bookies. He admitted he had a problem he couldn't control and started attending GA meetings. He had a small relapse 2 months ago but seemed to turn the corner. 2 weeks ago I took him to the doctors as I saw a dramatic change in him - even more lethargic, not taking care of his appearance, slacking at work, lieing about everything and he was diagnosed with depression and anxiety - a family trait unfortunately. Anyway, yesterday I found out he had had about 2000 from my bank account. He eventually admitted gambling after swearing on his life he wasn't. Today he told me he felt suicidal. We have been to doctors again. Since home he has changes his mobile number to stop texts from betting companies and loan companies - disgusting and I don't know how these people sleep at night - cancelled his bank card, phoned in sick and told his boss about mental health aspect, phoned ga sponsor and spent an hour on phone to a counsellor through a work programme. I don't know what else to do and feel sick for him. Trying to hold it together for my other two kids. I think I need to know if this is encouraging or do they all do this? Help please

Posted on:
Thu, 18/09/2014 - 12:28

Laura

Joined:
2010-09-16

Hello Justamum

Firstly I'm really sorry to hear about your son, especially to hear about his suicidal feelings. It's a very worrying time and stressful for you, but at least now he has now started to get some support. A lot seems to have happnened over the past four months and I expect you are still getting your head around what it means to have a gambling problem and how best to help him.

It sounds like your son has been feeling very desperate to gamble, hence taking the money from your account. This isn't uncommon and I'm not sure what your plans are regarding this, but it is always more helpful for the gambler in the long run to pay back the money they have taken. Having to face the dififcult consequences of a gambling problem is a neccesary part of overcoming the problem and it may deter him from doing the same thing again.

Understandably your main focus at the moment is getting him the right support. He has started to make some really positive changes already and now that he has told his boss about what's going on, he has some support there too. I think these steps that he has taken are encouraging and indicate that he really does want to stop.

I am wondering if he would be interetsed in some specialist counselling. If he is near to one of our counselling services then we could refer him for some free one-to-one support. We list our counselling locations on our website, under 'Counselling Support'. Otherwise he could give us a call, and we can have a chat with him about what's been happening, support him emotionally and perhaps offer some more practical advice too.

As well as supporting your son, we are very much here for you too. What you are going through sounds very difficult, and you mention having to hold it together for your other children too. I am wondering what support you have and whether you would be interested in accessing some professional support for yourself. You are very welcome to call us to talk in confidence on the helpline: 0808 8020 133 or netline:
http://secure.gamcare.org.uk/netline/You may also be interested to know that there are also support groups for the family members of problem gamblers:
http://gamanon.org.uk/meetings.php
In addition to this we also provide free counselling for family members, so there is a great deal of support available to you.

I hope this helps and I wish your son all the best with his recovery.

Take care
Laura

Posted on:
Mon, 06/10/2014 - 20:41

PJC

Joined:
2014-10-06

Hi I put a note on the forum this morning about our son who has a problem and has relapsed again last night he is depressed and is talking of suicide. He has been to gam care, he's been to a private counselling. He admits he needs help. We keep rescuing him but after last night we can' t do it this time as it involves other people.
I agree the betting comapnies need to be held accountable. He is a sporting individual and the TV is full of adverts, *** ***, ********* et al. Its a disgrace that they say they promote responsible betting no they don't they make massive profits and then sponsor agencies. That is not responsible.
In the meantime the people like our sons struggle.

Posted on:
Mon, 06/10/2014 - 20:59

PJC

Joined:
2014-10-06

Just realised the companies names have been edited. It was not a rant, I just feel so frustrated.
My son is desperate, the support for gamblers is not as significant as for other conditions.
We have a counsellor who my wife and I have have used to help us with strategies to help us cope. She has offered us the potential of having our son join us for a group session. He go first to see her to see if he can work with her. At this stage he wants to go ahead. We will see how it takes shape.

Posted on:
Wed, 08/10/2014 - 18:14

JTC

Joined:
2014-10-07

Just a mum I am the same as you. I cannot offer anything at this moment because I am in exactly the same position as you. I too feel lost as I can't help my son, he has to do it himself. Just know you are not on your own, there must be so many of us out there, it's just so hidden. Keep going xxxx

Posted on:
Mon, 10/11/2014 - 18:25

chuffa

Joined:
2014-11-10

Ive put my first post above.  I agree with the epetitions.  Would it be lawful for me to put it on facebook, as I feel strongly about the negative effect gambling adverts have on, not just my son but other children as well.

Posted on:
Thu, 27/11/2014 - 19:02

Carla1982

Joined:
2014-11-22

I completely agree about your comments regarding advertising gambling, but also the irresponsible attitude of loan sharks! My partner managed to get one with nearly 2000% (!!!!) APR although he was already heavily in debt. It makes me feel sick to my stomach. There must be more regulatory legislation in this area!!!!

Posted on:
Fri, 28/11/2014 - 22:41

Rob1234

Joined:
2014-11-26

Hi all, just reading through these posts and makes me as a former gambler realise the pain I inflict on my family. I've found this website over the last few days and found it really therapeutic. Some fantastic people on here sharing their roads to recovery and success stories which is giving me the motivation I need to make a change. I really recommend you introducing the site to them. I read one story of a man that has been free from gambling for some time and it truly gave me the belief that life is worth living and there is a way out. Stay positive. People can and will recover from this disease and I have every faith your kids will too. They have taken the biggest step already and recognized the problem. Take care

Posted on:
Thu, 18/12/2014 - 02:58

abigail1966

Joined:
2014-12-14

Hi just a mum and everyoune on here I totally agree with the advertising it disgusting and like you justamum im desperate too and keep helping my son out time and time again thinking that next month will be better but never is, im sick with worry and would live to go to some sort off councelling on here but dont know how to work things on here as yet, but would like to chat with you as we all have same problem, its absolutely awful and im going to have a brake down if he dosent sort his self out very soon, he has agreed to come on here since his last bet cus I told him I will never be there for him again if he dident but im just hope and pray its going to help him,my son has also had suicide thoughts he niw under his doc and he is in the army and just served in Afghanistan so thats not help but if you ever need to talk we can be thete for each and everyone of us 

Posted on:
Thu, 18/12/2014 - 09:08

Forum admin

Joined:
2010-11-01

Hi Abigail

Sorry to hear about the problems you are experiencing with your son. If you would like to find out about the counselling options GamCare offer, you can have a chat with one of our advisers on our freephone Helpline by calling 0808 802 0133. You can also talk online via the Netline here: http://www.gamcare.org.uk/support-and-counselling/frontline-services/net...

Best wishes

Forum Admin

Posted on:
Thu, 18/12/2014 - 11:05

triangle

Joined:
2014-03-14

so few understand what gambling addiction is really about

its an illness i wouldn't wish on my worst enemy

keep getting the help and try to keep talking

communication helps so much

tri

Posted on:
Mon, 22/12/2014 - 01:27

abigail1966

Joined:
2014-12-14

Thanks admin 

Posted on:
Wed, 24/12/2014 - 15:20

daniel12

Joined:
2014-12-24

I'm in the same boat, just don't know what I can do for my son and his gambling addiction anymore. Gambling has stolen my son and replaced him with lying dishonest manipulative person.
I'm broken with it all

Posted on:
Wed, 24/12/2014 - 17:27

Amom

Joined:
2014-10-09

Hi daniel12

I so feel your pain as I too have a 25 year old son who is a compulsive gambler. It is a brutal addiction that has you as a mom at your wits end trying to help and fix things. Unfortunately, there is not a lot you can do. He needs to get to a place where he finally decides that he can't live this way and wants help ( their rock-bottom ). For a mom watching from the sidelines our rock-bottom seems to come a lot sooner! Giving money really doesn't help and just feeds the addiction. I joined Gam-Anon and have found it so helpful... you need to get well or you will be of no help to anybody! Take care of yourself and remember "you didn't cause this, you can't control it, and you can't cure it.

Posted on:
Wed, 24/12/2014 - 17:42

daniel12

Joined:
2014-12-24

Hi Amom
I'm not sure if you read my original post. I've deleted it and shortened it. I felt like I was intruding a bit on someone else's thread! I've just gone on to read yours and it was like I'd written it for myself. I do hope your son is still keeping strong and free from gambling.
Oh I think it may have been someone else's I read. I'm new to this need to get the hang of it.