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first time diary

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#1 Posted on:
Sun, 08/01/2017 - 15:45

noddy121

Joined:
2017-01-08

hi i am in my 30s hv 3 weans 2 5 and 7 year old and my misses i hv always gambled brought up in a sea side town playing the puggies, i had lots of jobs gambled all the time machines then the bookie machines came in started black jack fast forward till now i play online when everyone is asleep i sit up untill the kids get up in the morning the last 2 month but just there i lost 190 on the 4th jan my birthday shortly after were i came home and went on the computer and lost 650 which empty my bank. the only good thing is it is not the family money but jings i hv 3 kids and a misses i needed my money. 

see i thought i had lost 270 on the 4 th sat up all night so when came home next day it was early morning and i was trying to win it bk but after checking today it was 190 and i had withdraw 80 so things were not that bad as i thought. i sat up next night lost 490 i had to stop cause kids got up then misses but had then been up 48 hours the misses seen it in my face i had been up all night she was digusted told me to  go to bed i crashed out about an  hour or two then woke up check my gambleing account i still had 100 in the account i gamble on black jack i work the 100 up to 140 then lost the 140 i was playing on my fone cause the misses had caught me i never used my fone before then contiued to  empty my account of the last 160. she walked in when on my fone and i lost my last 30 on a set of two cards cause i had to hide my fone.

i found this site and thought i am going to try this as the ast 2month i hv lost between 2200 and 2700 it was my misses that bought evertones xmas even my family i only gave her 300 pound all in.

i hv not gamble since cause my account empty but the 80 withdraw will be in shortly i am just able to talk about this not ate since then had my first sandwich today. i feel empty and hv these flash feeling if i play one hand of 500 pound then i could get my money bk. i no this sounds stupid but i have my last 500 pound i need to put it in my account anyway as my debts wil be comeing out my bank end of month 

Posted on:
Sun, 08/01/2017 - 17:05

Guestuser9

Joined:
Before 2009

Hi noddy and welcome
First off close the account self exclude..
Don't stick your last 500 in the account you won't win. That reason being even if you did you would play it away anyway.
And then you've lost your bill money as well.
Well done for finding the site...
I won't overwhelme you with what to do just yet.
Let us know you have closed the account and we can work from there when your ready.
All the best bud

Posted on:
Sun, 08/01/2017 - 17:19

noddy121

Joined:
2017-01-08

thanks deano for getting bk to me i have been at my whits end see i hv no job again the money i lost is the money i put buy for the family and look what i hv done, i hv self excluded from 11 sites last year i became a ********* vip member they used to send me free casino money no wagering carry on but soon relised that was not helping so i only hv one account left which i self excluded today before i found this site, trouble is that many sites out there 

your right with the one off hand idea as when i woke up with the 100 still in account i thought one hand to scareded to go the 100 only went 40 and won so 140 trouble was still down that much that 140 lasted 5mins then emptyed my last 160 from my bank took about another 5 mins yet when i play i sit up all night doing five pound live black jack games from when misses and kids in bed till they get up.

i just keep feeling how on earth am i going to get this money bk???

been to ga 2 year ago got the wee book only went twice was like a tea and coffee outing the foke there had been going for years one guy 22 year so i felt right out of place 

Posted on:
Sun, 08/01/2017 - 17:44

Charley1

Joined:
2016-09-11

Hi noddy, welcome to the site. Sorry you're feeling in such a mess at the moment. You need to get into your head that that money is gone now and you can't get it back (as frustrating as it is) but until you understand that, you will continue to chase your losses. I, like many people on here have lost £1000s over the years, I know I will never ever get that money back and if I tried I would be in a much worse mess, as the chances a so slim of you winning anyway and the fact that we can't stop. You proved you can't stop when you lost that £140, then continued to empty your bank....something I've done many times over the years! But it's just ended in more sleepless nights, stress and worry of not being able to pay bills and debt that will take years to pay back. Stop now, you won't win because you'll continue I play for the next £100 and so on and before you know it, bam the money has gone! You and your family deserve more. Look on the positive side, at the moment you still have your family....there are a lot of people on here, who have lost there whole family through gambling. If you have time tonight, perhaps read through some dairies on here and read people's stories. I really hope you find the strength to not gamble. It's an awful addiction and something we will struggle with everyday, but only you can decide that you deserve better, you are worth more. Take Care C x

Posted on:
Sun, 08/01/2017 - 19:55

noddy121

Joined:
2017-01-08

wow perfect timeing charley1  was argueing with the misses early on cant top up the gas and elecrtric with her card something wrong nothing to do with me then she asked me too top up but all my money gone out the bank so had to say 50p is all in my account jings the pain and embarsement of haveing to say only 50p i can put money in my account tommorow but cant top up just now, end up useing the emergancy credit on the smart meter untill i put my last money in tomorow,  feel like a total *** how i could let this happen to my family and was thinking they would be better off if i left 

Posted on:
Sun, 08/01/2017 - 20:02

Charley1

Joined:
2016-09-11

Well make this the last time it happens, you have a chance to make this right, but only you can do this. Do everything in your power to get help and sort things. Your partner may be arguing with you, but for now she is still there...don't lose her for gambling. Perhaps when she had calmed down, you could show her some of the diaries on here and that might help her understand? She might also see you're trying to stop and help yourself. Take Care C x

Posted on:
Sun, 08/01/2017 - 20:09

Phil72

Joined:
2016-10-07

Hiya. You are raw - feeling a lot of emotions. All the decent people on this forum know the score and know how you feel. Imagine pawning your wedding ring to gamble? I did. Fortunately I got it back but that is the horror I put myself through...because I wanted to gamble so much like a robot. What Deano said is good advice - and honesty with your partner which can be hard - who likes criticism? You may have to go through a period of being broke but also think - in my view - what gambling does to someone's mind? I got some great responses when I first started using this forum - sometimes I was arrogant etc. but 90 per cent of the people who responsed were cool. Money is one issue and I KNOW where you are coming from but that money you/I/us/lost is gone. The future can be brighter and I wish you all the best. Phil. PS I'm no expert it's just what I feel I have learnt.

Posted on:
Sun, 08/01/2017 - 20:10

noddy121

Joined:
2017-01-08

see thats the bit that gets me i read alot today my state of affairs seems if it does not really count as people talking 40 thousand and up but i hv never seen that sort of money in my life, my misses has already said the foke on there can afford to lose that money as they still hv enough to get by. i hope ur right and will give her some space but with the kids were always under each others feet and to give her time i would need to go out take the dog a walk or visit my friend but then she is left whatching the three kids dont know what to do for the best at all????   thanks for getting back to me charley1 

Posted on:
Sun, 08/01/2017 - 21:01

noddy121

Joined:
2017-01-08

right just been on the chat from 8pm to 9pm i think i hv a bigger problem than first thought i am no sure how much money i hv lost last year as i mention on chat that i am a vip member at labrokes and a chat member came bk and said you hv to lose over 10 thousand to become a labrokes vip, i feel worse i will need to check yhis out see if i can find out 

Posted on:
Sun, 08/01/2017 - 23:07

Rhoda

Joined:
2016-12-06

You could take the dog and the three kids for a walk...would be good for all of you and give your mrs some space :-)

Posted on:
Sun, 08/01/2017 - 23:10

noddy121

Joined:
2017-01-08

they wount tell me unless i email them cause i self excluded last year but the guy said put 100 in you will get 37 chips or 35 free spins , i was on to try to get a balance of loss no many wins only starts from when my exclusion finished. unless i email them.  to be honest i am tempted but i just cant i need to say that i got three weans i need to pull my self together 

Posted on:
Wed, 11/01/2017 - 23:49

noddy121

Joined:
2017-01-08

right well i am back diary i am in bits but i am bk, gamble nae chance the reality hit me today how much i hv wasted gambleing money *** hey but time , time i hv spent away from my family, time i spent with family but not really there if u no what i mean. the fact as i look around the house i should hv bought new this new that but to scarced to spend a penny why i never really new until this morning just in case that the reason thought i was in control, no i used gambleing as a crutch for any problem all going well i was brand new if any sort of unbalance argue fall out over thinking gambleing eased that. 

been 6 days since i gambled cause its the worst damage i hv done in my life so far. the fact i hv my misses and my 3 weans should hv been enough to keep me from getting were i am  .

Posted on:
Mon, 16/01/2017 - 15:50

noddy121

Joined:
2017-01-08

well today is the 16th jan not gamble since my big lose on my birthday which still haunts me it really does 905 pound is a hell alot of money when ur not working. just checking in to say am still here dont know how but i am still here, i feel like a pure *** and still not sure how i lost all that in a couple of hours. some days i am cool others all i think about is the amount i lost to the stupid computer. i really dont understand were my head was at, was i thinking i will win it bk or was it i just never cared at that moment in time it took away my worrys for they few hours 

Posted on:
Mon, 16/01/2017 - 16:00

Rhoda

Joined:
2016-12-06

Keep going noddy...what are you doing to make sure it never happens again?

Posted on:
Mon, 03/07/2017 - 11:09

noddy121

Joined:
2017-01-08

hi not been on this for ages see i thought bang i was brand new but in actuall fact i hv been up since yesterday and empty my bank account after thinking i was on the mend in to this nightmare the weans addias stuff came today that i bought last week cause i thought i was on the button but in fact i am no were near and in great pain and desstres as to how the **** this has happen worse than ever the amount i lost total empty account i dont really want to say amount as i am on the brink 

Posted on:
Mon, 27/11/2017 - 09:59

noddy121

Joined:
2017-01-08

well am bk lost my family my three weans just out of jail 8 weeks first time ever and came out to 7000 pound, my dad temional ill died sunday 5.17am i was not dealing with the way my dad went down hill since i got out the gambleing online black jack took me away from the world but now hes gone as is my 7000 plus broke into my weans saving which was 1700 for the three of them. i hv no  job no house and i dont think i can go on any more 38 should no better, at the time i should hv told omeeone but my mum sis had so much to deal with. i cant carry on nearly xmas and i hv done this again i feel this is going to be last message every my family deserive so much better 

thanks for listen 

Posted on:
Mon, 27/11/2017 - 11:12

Forum admin

Joined:
2010-11-01

Hello noddy121

So sorry that things have been going so badly for you. You have just lost your father, and on top of that are just out of prison too. You're saying you don't think you can go on any more and you feel this is going to be your last message. You need to get help Noddy. Whatever you've been doing up till now hasn't been working. You need to do something different. It could help you to learn to understand why you keep turning to gambling when things are tough. We can offer free counselling in most areas of Scotland, England and Wales. You said you felt out of place at GA, but it doesn't sound like you tried it for very long. Why not try it again and give it a bit more time?

Why not give us a call on the HelpLine 0808 8020 133? Or chat to us on the NetLine. We're here 8am till midnight every day.

And if you're feeling like you can't go on, it's vital that you get support for that so that you are safe, and so you are in the right frame of mind to work on recovering from your gambling addiction. Tell your GP how you are feeling. Call the Samaritans on 116 123. Reach out for help Noddy. 

Take care of yourself

Deirdre

Forum Admin

Posted on:
Mon, 27/11/2017 - 13:05

S_J_B

Joined:
2013-05-25

Hi noddy

It broke my heart to read this update. So sorry to read you're in such awful situation.

Please don't give up hope. Things can most definitively get better. There is help and support out there, please take it.

Don't feel you're alone fighting this battle.

Keep strong and please look for help. It's for free and just waiting for you to pick you that phone or walk thorough the door.

Stay safe - just for today. Things will get better.

Sandra