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Finally asking for help

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#1 Posted on:
Fri, 03/11/2017 - 16:26

The fun has stopped

Joined:
2017-11-03

I've never felt as low in my life as today! I've had a problem with gambling for awhile now but it's just getting worse, I keep telling myself I can cut down or that it will be ok if I just cash out as soon as I get a win but I never do! Yesterday I lost four hundred and I was devastated, said never again but I woke up this morning thinking I'll have to try and win some back ended up loosing another six hundred and now I have absolutely nothing left till the end of the month, I can't believe how stupid i am!

Posted on:
Fri, 03/11/2017 - 16:41

ODAAT

Joined:
2014-11-10

Not stupid, addicted!  We cannot win because we cannot stop...Only thing we need to avoid is the 1st bet then it can’t destroy us anymore!

It hurts but there is hope...Well done for taking the 1st step by coming here.

Sounds like it’s online damage?  Have a chat with an advisor about blocking software or maybe speak to your provider, I know some will block gambling sites.  Barriers to get your gambling (Time-Money-Location, remove one & you cannot gamble) triangle broken are important whilst you figure out your next step.

The fun may have stopped but everyone here knows that it’s not as simple as the pathetic little signs in the shops!  It can be done though - ODAAT 

Posted on:
Fri, 03/11/2017 - 16:48

The fun has stopped

Joined:
2017-11-03

Thank you, it used to be online but I blocked them all awhile ago then started on the slot machines in town, I told my mam about it for the first time today and I was suprised how well she took it, starting to feel a little better already just wish there was a way of making myself never want to do it again! Feel like there's something wrong with my brain!

Posted on:
Fri, 03/11/2017 - 16:57

ODAAT

Joined:
2014-11-10

There is something wrong with your brain...But we can re-wire them!  Blocking one form of addiction without addressing the causes often sends us elsewhere to get our fix.  My damage was all done in the machines (too daft to figure out the online stuff thankfully) & when I stopped them, I made an executive decision to carry on with the lottery because it never gave me the same buzz...How ironic that I struggled with crazy urges for tickets & scratchcards that only stopped once I accepted I couldn’t gamble in any form anymore. 

Well done for telling your mum (please let her know there is help & support here if she needs it)...Is she maybe in a position to manage your money for a while?

Posted on:
Fri, 03/11/2017 - 17:26

The fun has stopped

Joined:
2017-11-03

She's offered to do that although it's gonna be tricky I have a 5 year old daughter at home with me so really need to have money on me alot of the time but we're going to try and work something out. And yes the scratch cards were where it all started for me couldn't never just get one and the lottery putting loads of lines on to increase my chances, I know now I need to stop everything completely it's just so hard! Reading what other people have wrote in here I can see they all think the same way as I do, it's nice to not feel like the only one

Posted on:
Fri, 03/11/2017 - 18:17

Katiecoo

Joined:
2016-11-25

You are not alone. My demon is online slots, this time I will fight until I'm rewired, I want a good 2018, that's what is driving me. Keep fighting early days are very hard

Posted on:
Fri, 03/11/2017 - 18:51

The fun has stopped

Joined:
2017-11-03

Good luck katiecoo hope you have a brilliant 2018! I've said I'm going to stop to many times but I've never been as determined as today, I've lost thousands, there's no way I can keep chasing what has gone all I can do is save myself from loosing more! Tomorrow is the start, I'm going to save all the money I would usually gamble and take my little girl to Disney land next year!

Posted on:
Sat, 04/11/2017 - 15:42

Katiecoo

Joined:
2016-11-25

It's a great focus and I'm sure will be a wonderful experience for your daughter. Think what we can do with the thousands that we loose

Posted on:
Sat, 04/11/2017 - 16:26

The fun has stopped

Joined:
2017-11-03

Day 1 going well, managed to go to the shop without buying a scratch card, doesn't sound much but first time I've done that in a long time,plus borrowed some money to get me through the week and not even tempted to put it back in the slots. Gonna keep checking in on here everyday to remind myself how bad it gets!

Posted on:
Tue, 07/11/2017 - 19:05

The fun has stopped

Joined:
2017-11-03

Hard day today got dropped off in town after work right near to were I usually go on the slots, really strong urge to go in but I reminded myself how horrible I would feel if I did, always an instant regret as soon as I start! So beat the temptation, day 4 now must be the longest I've ever been without buying a scratch card aswell so feeling good!

Posted on:
Thu, 09/11/2017 - 19:56

The fun has stopped

Joined:
2017-11-03

Only on day 6 and it's already so hard, my hardest day so far, been regretting deleting one of my accounts, just a bingo site that I had limits set on, convincing myself earlier today that it was only the slots that caused me problems and I would have been ok to keep playing bingo and that I might of had a win in there, I know that this is the wrong way to think as even though I didn't spend huge amounts on it, I stopped cashing out any wins a long time ago, so still a waste of money and alot of time wasted too. I've went from feeling my lowest ever last week to starting to feel positive and thinking I'm gonna do this to now feeling low spirits, irritable and slightly depressed. Really hope this passes soon, if it wasn't for coming on this site, today would have been the day I fell back into that vicious cycle!

Posted on:
Thu, 09/11/2017 - 20:27

sjwsjw

Joined:
2017-10-27

For sure you will feel high and low from day-to-day with this for a while. I went through that, things are already getting better though! Ride it out and as ALL the areas in your life start to improve you'll start having so many better days then bad days.

Have you managed to talk with anyone? Family? A friend? Counselling? Sometime all we need is to talk out how/what we feel at times to hear and better understand whats going on.

Keep at it, your riding through the hardest part.

Posted on:
Thu, 09/11/2017 - 20:37

The fun has stopped

Joined:
2017-11-03

Thank you every bit of encouragement helps, I told my mam about it now and a couple of friends but don t want to tell them every time I feel like this incase they worry that I'll give in to it, and I don't think anyone who hasn't experienced it could ever really understand. I was filling in the online form for counselling earlier but stopped, don't know why, I'll try again tomorrow. I won't give up no matter how hard it gets, I need to stop before this totally destroys my life, hopefully tomorrow will be a better day!

Posted on:
Thu, 09/11/2017 - 20:50

sjwsjw

Joined:
2017-10-27

I know you probably think telling her will burden her with "your problems" but if she knows she probably expects you are having a hard time. If you are anything like me then it used to take something VERY serious for me to talk to my mum about anything really. Im sure your mum wants to help and talking to her about this will help you both. Open up and tell her what its like and when you're hurting and she will better understand. Its hard to explain why us gamblers feel/act as we do sometimes but if you keep talking to her she will get a better idea. I know for me personally its brought me closer to my mum. She feels good that she can help me by talking about it. To be honest its possible by just listening she can help you more than you realise.

Its up to you but something to think about. All the best =)

Posted on:
Thu, 09/11/2017 - 21:02

The fun has stopped

Joined:
2017-11-03

Thanks for the advice I'm going to pop an see her after work tomorrow, going to make plans to go shopping together next week, have a ciuple of days off while my daughter's at school that i need to make plans for, there the days I usually end up on slot machines so going to make sure im keeping busy and not alone. Just getting out how I've felt on here has actually helped alot, started to feel a little more relaxed now! Thanks for reading!

Posted on:
Fri, 10/11/2017 - 19:20

The fun has stopped

Joined:
2017-11-03

Day 7! One whole week without gambling, having a really good today, no urges at all today, so pleased with myself for not giving into the urges I had yesterday, today would have been alot different if I had, would have been back to square one, crying, hating myself and worrying sick about were i would get some more money from, but instead I'm relaxing with a cup of tea and t.v looking forward to a nice weekend with my family. What a difference a day can make!

Posted on:
Sun, 12/11/2017 - 19:01

laura1405

Joined:
2017-11-12

completely new to this and as a very private person this is a huge step for me..FINALLY ADMITTED TO MYSELF that im addicted to gambling..its only taken me 12 years!!!!! Yesterday was my rock bottom when I emptied my bank account and gambled all the xmas money thta I had saved for my daughter... Ive been a secret gambler for years started with online bingo and then progressed to online slots... I could of bought a house with what Ive lost gambling and for me now - enough is enough..I dont want to be that person anymore...It really helps knowing Im not alone and others are going through the same thing... I cant tell my friends or family about my secret life..I couldnt stand the shame...Today is day 1 of a new life for me..Ive started to put measures in place to prevent me from gambling online by installing blockers on my macbook and have set parental controls on my iphone... Im ready to change

Posted on:
Mon, 13/11/2017 - 15:41

The fun has stopped

Joined:
2017-11-03

Well done for making the first step Laura, your story sounds very similar to mine. Know exactly how your feeling, I would deffinatly recommend telling someone though, I know it's hard but it will feel like such a relief once you do and really a big help to have someone to talk to. I'm on day 10 now and feel positive still that this time I'm really not going to do it again. Good luck hope you can stay strong and get the help you need!

Posted on:
Mon, 13/11/2017 - 18:29

laura1405

Joined:
2017-11-12

Thank you for your comments and kind words...being addicted to gambling can be very isolating..day 2 of no gambling..cant say I havent thought about it because I have several times but Im determined to change... well done to you too keep going and stay strong..

Posted on:
Mon, 13/11/2017 - 19:45

The fun has stopped

Joined:
2017-11-03

It deffinatly is isolating, I stopped meeting up with friends as never had any money, never enough money to buy myself new clothes or get hair done but yet still managed to find hundreds of pounds to wast on gambling. I like you blocked all the slots sites on my phone but then some how ended up on the slots in town, which were just as bad if not worse. This time stopping feels more real because I told people, once I did and it was out in the open it felt final, even though I wasn't totally honest about the amounts I spent (to embarrassed) I still feel I'm not keeping a dirty little secret anymore. You imagine people will think as little of you as you think of yourself when your feeling angry at yourself but they don t, the people who love you will just want to help. You really should consider telling someone.

Posted on:
Mon, 13/11/2017 - 20:12

sjwsjw

Joined:
2017-10-27

Well done on 10 days TFHS

I do check back here whenever you post, keep at it :)

Posted on:
Mon, 13/11/2017 - 20:36

The fun has stopped

Joined:
2017-11-03

Aww thank you, I've had a really good weekend and good day today, been abit worried about tomorrow though, need a few things in town and nobody to go with so decided to go to supermarket instead as still don't trust myself 100% to be able to pass by without thinking my usual, 'a few quid won't hurt'! we all know it's never just a few quid and it will actually hurt!

Posted on:
Mon, 13/11/2017 - 20:52

sjwsjw

Joined:
2017-10-27

Good to hear you are doing well. Keep racking the GF days up things do get a bit easier even by the point im at. Its an up and down journey emotionally thats for sure, but its less than the pain of gambling and it saves a crazy amount of time and money. Whatever makes you feel more comfortable is right for you, its good that your looking at ways to stop the urges before they start!

Posted on:
Tue, 14/11/2017 - 02:11

Christer1

Joined:
2016-02-29

You could put extra blocks in by doing the bookies multi self exclude which I know really helps

Posted on:
Tue, 14/11/2017 - 12:36

The fun has stopped

Joined:
2017-11-03

I don't really want to go back in again to put the bocks in place, id probably think one last go before I stop! I went to supermarket instead, still managed to get what I need. I'm sure I'll start trusting myself again soon but just for now rather avoid going to town alone.

Posted on:
Tue, 14/11/2017 - 23:19

Christer1

Joined:
2016-02-29

There's a number you ring it's easy they advertise it on here

Posted on:
Wed, 15/11/2017 - 11:58

Forum admin

Joined:
2010-11-01

Hi all

I noticed some discussion about the multiple self-exclusion scheme. If anyone wants to know more then have a look on their site:

www.self-exclusion.co.uk

Or give them a call:

0800 294 2060.

If you have any problems getting through, you can request a call back on their website.

Best wishes

Laura

Posted on:
Fri, 17/11/2017 - 09:34

The fun has stopped

Joined:
2017-11-03

Day 14! 2 weeks today since I last gambled, and still gambling is all I can think about. I tried to re-open one of my online accounts yesterday, luckily I couldn't and didn't go looking for another so no damage done, then thought I'll just get a scratch card instead one every now and then won't hurt! Managed to resist so still gamble free but feeling abit fed up of it being constantly on my mind, its so hard fighting a battle against yourself. Coming on here everyday is deffinatly what's keeping my going!

Posted on:
Sat, 18/11/2017 - 13:00

laura1405

Joined:
2017-11-12

Total melt down...only lasted two days without gambling...yet again Ive emptied my bank account and for what!!! I feel utter disgust and contempt for myself..every time I lose hundreds of pounds I tell myself "thats it no more" yet the addiction is so strong it always drags me back.... Its 5 weeks before xmas and here I am gambling and losing hundreds of pounds..totally wreckless... its like going into a trance and at that moment nothing else matters..time eludes me and im frozen in time...reality only kicks in when Ive spent every penny I own trying to chase my losses....I cannot carry on like this it'll ruin me..not only finacially but mentally as well... Ive read today about a new scheme being introduced called 'Gamstop' which is designed to exclude a person from all online gambling sites with only one application... this site is due to be up and running Dec 17.. So today Ive emailed the company and asked for help... does anybody else know of the scheme???? Today I have disabled safari from my iphone..I cannot gamble anymore on my Macbook....the only other source in the house is my daughters iphone and ipad....I wouldnt dream of using my daughters phone but the ipad sits and stares at me...Im yet to touch it but know I can if I choose...I tell myself everyday that i wont gamble ever again yet hours later Im doing it again.... Im so desparate to stop and would rather being addicted to alcohol or drugs!!!!!! A stupid thought and probably not true in reality....My morale is very low right now but Im ready to change once and for all...

Posted on:
Sat, 18/11/2017 - 18:30

The fun has stopped

Joined:
2017-11-03

Sorry to hear that Laura it's an awful feeling, try not to be to hard on yourself though, I think it's that feeling that makes us do it all again, to try an beat it an get back what it's took from us, but we never can, the more we keep trying the more we loose. Have you called the helpline or signed up for counselling yet? Think it would be good for you to be able to talk to someone, get advice on other blocks you could put in place.

Posted on:
Sun, 19/11/2017 - 08:47

laura1405

Joined:
2017-11-12

Hi and thanks for messaging... I lost again last night and felt sick!!! but this morning something has kicked in my brain..Ive told myself a million times before that I will stop but today feels different..I feel cheated and voilated by online gambling and ive realised that if I dont stop now my life will start to unravel... Ive finally told someone..my best friend.. It was a relief and something I never thought Id do in a million years... I cant change the past but I can change the future and I intend to...Just words I know but im serious about changing my life for the better... today is day 1 of a different life... thanks for listening I'll check back in tomorrow 

Posted on:
Sun, 19/11/2017 - 10:17

The fun has stopped

Joined:
2017-11-03

Well done for telling your friend it's a good start, could she help with mybe looking after your money? I've started to get only the exact money I need and letting my mam look after the rest, so it's not as easy for me to access if I get an urge. I also heard a good tip on here to get rid of your debit card, order a new one and get somebody to scratch off the 3 digits on the back so you can't deposit online. Your determination to stop, telling somebody and coming on here everyday are great but still try and but as many blocks in place as you can. Good luck!

Posted on:
Sun, 19/11/2017 - 16:00

GamblerHelp

Joined:
2017-11-07

Laura there are some things that you need to do that you are not doing yet. That’s why you are still caught in this cycle of gambling, and gambling again.

 

Posted on:
Mon, 20/11/2017 - 11:21

GamblerHelp

Joined:
2017-11-07

 

GamblerHelp wrote:

Laura there are some things that you need to do that you are not doing yet. That’s why you are still caught in this cycle of gambling, and gambling again.

Gamcare removed the link to the helping article (?) but to read it click on my name, follow the link to my blog, and read the piece in the center entitled “Recovery Strategy - Staying off gambling one day at a time”.

It will certainly help you.

Posted on:
Mon, 20/11/2017 - 15:06

The fun has stopped

Joined:
2017-11-03

Day 17 , I usually only write on here if I'm having a bad day but today is good! Off work and daughter at school, have about £50 on me, not much but enough to usually get me to gamble. And I have had no urges at all. Instead I've been giving my house a good clean and realising how much I've been neglecting it over this last year, usually have a quick tidy up and straight to the slots or do very little due to feeling depressed. Cleaning out cupboards, wardrobes and under the bed has been quite therapeutic, clearing clutter from the house feels like clearing my mind aswell.

Posted on:
Mon, 20/11/2017 - 18:04

laura1405

Joined:
2017-11-12

Hey...well done you...I always get a good feeling and a clear head from giving the house a really good clean...I think its really important to keep busy and occupied especially when 'urges' keep popping into your head... For me its very early days I havent gambled since Saturday that was my rock bottom... I only came out of the gambling trance when Id lost my last penny..I just sat and cried..I cried fro what seemed like an eternity and then I picked up my phone and bared my soul to my best friend and told her everything...She was wonderful..she didnt judge me and was there instantly to help me put and end to this awful disease...With her help Ive now got no access to gambling on my phone laptop or ipad..Knowing that I cant gamble however much i want to seems to have removed temptation and stopped the urges.... Im not niave enough to think that Im cured or that I dont have a difficult road ahead but Im ready to face my demons head on and kick this vile habit into the gutter where it belongs...For the past ten years Ive been in total denial convincing myself that addiction only happens to other people and that I was in control.... I wasnt in control..every spare penny/pound went on gambling and I justified it because my bills were paid and i wasnt in debt..... that was the denial.... for me being alble to tell my friend has been the biggest and bravest thing I think Ive had to face but it has been the best thing I could of done... Im only 2 days free of the disease but I know that Ive now closed the door to that miserable existance...  Today I have bought myself a journal and intend to keep a detailed account of my recovery and by reading other people success stories has been a real inspiration and gives me hope as well as a good kick up the a"""!!!

My advise to others suffering silently is to tell someone who you can trust..people who love and care about you will not judge they will want to help you beat the disease... I took the advise from 'The fun has stopped' and told my best friend..best thing I could of done...I laughed today... something I havent done for long time... 

Posted on:
Mon, 20/11/2017 - 20:54

The fun has stopped

Joined:
2017-11-03

Well done Laura glad your taking all the right steps, it's nice to hear that you took my advice and found it helpfull! Strange to think only a few weeks ago I couldn't even help myself, nice to feel like you can help someone just by telling them were you've gone wrong yourself!
I was exactly the same for a long time thinking it's not so bad because I always paid my bills and went shopping before I gambled. That was untill my last pay day, I went on the slots before anything else thinking there was no way I would spend my bill money and I did, spent half of my months wage in a couple of hours! (Only left when I did for school run)I was devasted went home trying to work out how I could make the rest stretch and swearing I would never put another penny in them machines again! Untill the next morning I was standing outside waiting for it to open determaind to win some back, lost everything thing. That was the last time i gambled, got home in tears phoned my mam an confessed everything, I already knew had a problem for a long time but doing that showed me how bad it really was and scared me to think I could do that again, and again untill my life was totally ruined.
Stay strong Laura early days are hard and keep updating on here!