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Posted on:
Sat, 25/11/2017 - 10:53

chartom3

Joined:
2015-03-11

Morning Diary............Day 90 still fighting the demons plenty of ups and downs, good and bad days but for today i wont gamble.

Posted on:
Sat, 25/11/2017 - 14:20

Abstainer

Joined:
2017-05-10

Congratulations on 90 Days GF Chartom. One day at a time is a good approach to recovery and that's what i'm aiming for.

Posted on:
Thu, 30/11/2017 - 10:13

chartom3

Joined:
2015-03-11

Day 95 .... Have  my second councilling session this morning, has come at a good time cause i have found it really difficult lately with constant thoughts of gambling, hanging in there though and  trying to keep my mind occupied on other things, most days are a battle with myself lately and each day reached still gf is a small victory.

Posted on:
Fri, 01/12/2017 - 19:26

chartom3

Joined:
2015-03-11

Evening diary...... had my second over the phone councilling session yesterday, went well was good to talk to someone as i have mostly keep my gambling problem to myself, still finding it hard right now been looking at odds/fixtures etc but the blocks i have in place have given  me time to come to my sences, dont want to undo all my hard work will keep fighting one day at a time

Posted on:
Sun, 03/12/2017 - 10:21

chartom3

Joined:
2015-03-11

Morning Diary ..... Day 98, been a hard few weeks with constant gambling thoughts, looking at odds, fixtures etc and have been close a few times to placing that first bet but with the blocks doing there job (just) and finally starting my councilling it does feel like i have come through a really testing spell and am feeling in a much better place again.The first 80 days of my latest recovery i handled well but the last 20 days or so have been a real challenge for me,and a bit of an eye opener.

Posted on:
Sun, 03/12/2017 - 11:24

Moorey631986

Joined:
2016-09-08

Stay strong Chartom. You’re approaching another important milestone in your recovery. 

Celebrate that day in any you feel neccessary and then set yourself some fresh goals.

The ‘half year’ target is a milestone that both sounds impressive and is very achievable. 

Maybe treat yourself to a reward for every 7 days you abstain from gambling.

Whatever works for you. 

Moorey

Posted on:
Sun, 03/12/2017 - 22:57

Little miss lost

Joined:
2016-05-24

It's sooo difficult when you are struggling like you are. Well done for not giving in and also well done for getting the counselling up and running.
Nearly 100 days - that's a great achievement. Don't throw it all away when you know the final outcome is always a loss. As moorey states above, think of your next milestone and focus on achieving it.
Stay strong x

Posted on:
Mon, 04/12/2017 - 13:07

chartom3

Joined:
2015-03-11

Day 99 ...... Glad to report those damm strong urges that i had been having recently have eased a little, know they will always come and go and can usually deal with them ok  but have to admit this time they nearly got the better of me.Feeling alot more positive today  and with the help of my gamcare friends seem to have came through a rough patch, trying to look forward and not dwell to much in the past.

Posted on:
Tue, 05/12/2017 - 11:54

chartom3

Joined:
2015-03-11

Day 100 ....... no big celabration for reaching 100 days just glad i am starting to feel a bit more positive again after a few weeks were all i could think of was to win some money back and was nearly back to day 1 on several occasions.Back to basics for me and concentrating on one day at a time, if i dont place that first bet the second cant follow.....

Posted on:
Sun, 10/12/2017 - 09:04

chartom3

Joined:
2015-03-11

Hi Diary ....... Have been having really strong urges now for quite some time now and unfortunately give in to those yesterday and spent all day gambling with the usual outcome, really hate myself for what i have done and cant believe i have put myself in this position yet again both financially and mentally, all my hard work these past 100 odd days for nothing. Finding it really hard to stay positive right now and my big fear is it will take what little savings i have left and leave me pennyless.Didnt post this to get sympathy as realise this is all my own doing, but just needed to get things off my chest and be honest with myself, so back on day 1 again now no  big targets set  just get through today and take it from there.

Posted on:
Sun, 10/12/2017 - 17:01

Abstainer

Joined:
2017-05-10

Hope your ok Chartom after the gambling episode. Glad you have posted on your diary. What else can we do but try again and learn from our failures. Wish I could come up with something constructive but I don't pretend to understand this crazy addiction. We always know deep down that we're going to end up broke and miserable but we do it time after time. 

I like your 'one day at a time approach', when I focus on that I know I can easily abstain for the rest of the day. When tomorrow comes I will hopefully do the same again.

We are all with you my friend and we can beat this.

Posted on:
Mon, 11/12/2017 - 11:01

chartom3

Joined:
2015-03-11

Morning Diary Day 2 .......... After feeling pretty down after my latest relapse i quickly realise it is time to stand up and be counted, i really cant keep doing this to myself anymore and am sick and tired of feeling this way.Have excluded from the new site i opened and put extra blocks in place and need to keep posting & reading often on here as this is what has helped me in the past.Really need to rediscover the value of money again and possibly start being a little kinder to myself and look at the positives in my life and not to focus on the negitives, and be content with what i have. 

Posted on:
Tue, 12/12/2017 - 10:01

chartom3

Joined:
2015-03-11

Day 3 ...... No thoughts of gambling, but then there never is so soon after a big lose,i am a binge gambler who can go weeks/months gf and then bang £1000s lost inside a few hours, i really find it hard to draw a line under money lost and feel this is a big reason for my constant relapes, anyway blocks have been reinforced and with  another councilling session due on  thursday i am back on the road to recovery, need to try and stay positive and active on this fourm  

Posted on:
Tue, 12/12/2017 - 13:14

SEL87

Joined:
2017-10-18

Hi chartom hope your ok after your relapse,you had over 100 days under your belt which is amazing so well done for getting so far and fighting it every day,no doubt you can get back to that stage again no bother to you,keep the head up I know the first few weeks are the toughest.

Good luck mate

Posted on:
Wed, 13/12/2017 - 11:35

chartom3

Joined:
2015-03-11

Day 4 ..... Have self excluded from all sites i used  to gamble and and have blocking software on all devices in the house, really dont like the person i turn into when i gamble and dont want to be that person ever again,have to break the constant cycle of periods of non gambling followed by large binges and am determind to do so.Cant change the past but the future can be brighter..... ODAAT

Posted on:
Wed, 13/12/2017 - 18:42

paulll

Joined:
2009-10-16

Hi,

Thanks for your kind words on my diary. 

I haven’t had chance to read all of your diary, but I notice that you write about long periods of time without gambling, then big blowouts. This has been happening to me for 7 or 8 years, and I’d say that the psychological damage gets worse with each blowout, as well as increased stakes. 

This is why I talk about “self-love” or trying to build self-worth because it seems to me that when I gamble it’s like self harm. I will work very hard to get myself out of the hole and then eventually I will get drawn back to gambling even though I know the consequences will be dire. 

Stopping gambling is obviously our aim, but other parts of our life need to change if we are to break the cycle for good. 

Posted on:
Thu, 14/12/2017 - 10:12

chartom3

Joined:
2015-03-11

Morning Diary ...... Yes Paul can relate to what you say about long periods of non-gambling then large  blow outs, our gambling patterns seem very similar, maybe time to be a little kinder to ourselves.....

Day 5 ..... Councilling session this morning where i am not looking forward to telling my counciller i have been gambling again, but will be good to get things of my chest as i tend to keep my problems mainly to myself.Really dont want to live my life like this anymore, but know that saying it on here is one thing but putting it into practise is another.Just for today i wont gamble.....

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