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Don't know what to believe...

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#1 Posted on:
Sat, 25/11/2017 - 03:37

Stuck234

Joined:
2017-11-25

So my boyfriend of 4 years has had a gambling probably for the last 3 years. I have taken his cards, we've cancelled so many at this stage because he could memorise the number or had them stored on the computer! He doesn't have a laptop anymore, and has no access to any money.

The last three months on his bank statement approximately £600 has come off to "888 holdings" he swears blind he has not gambled and that he has been trying so hard not to, he also says he does not have an account with them as he self-excluded some months ago and so is unable to start an account for 2 years. 

Last month he apparently called them, though I wasn't there when he said he did, and they recognised that he didn't have an account but said that they don't take money from people, they can only be given money.

I really don't know what to believe, any advise will be appreciated...

 

 

Posted on:
Sat, 25/11/2017 - 08:19

Merry go round

Joined:
2017-06-08

Hi stuck. I hate to read these stories, I'm so sorry for the hurt and damage gambling does. This is my advice from my experience. If he isn't gambling, which it looks like he is, you need to take over the bank account. You have the passwords or close it. My cg handed over salary etc but because he kept his account open it meant he could secretly get loans to gamble. Cards are a nightmare, they can cancel them or hand them to you, order new ones to another address. A compulsive gambler in deep will do anything to gamble. They will also lie to your face, call the bank in front of you and say oh it's the computer, oh it's a mistake, oh you'll reverse it, oh someone's cloned me!!!! Any excuse, any story. I cannot tell you the mistakes I've made, I've wanted to believe he'd stopped. Does he go to GA? You need to call gamcare get some advice. I go to gamanon meetings, come on here, call gamcare when I'm struggling and just started counselling yesterday. Get any help you can. Unfortunately you can't trust what he says. Any access to money in my experience, is dangerous. We now work on cash and receipts, change to the penny. Having an account is access to money, make him call them on speaker phone ? I don't know, reality is you cannot stop him. He has to want to stop. He has to actively seek help. Don't be afraid of rules. Don't make empty threats. Safeguard your money. Get help for you. It's tough and you have to be strong. Looking back over your post you say "they don't take money from people, they can only be given money" so he's saying he gave it?  Does he gamble on his phone? If they didn't take it, is it coming back? You don't believe him that's why you're asking here. You're right, it's ok not to believe him. Look after you, think about what you want. Keep posting, ask questions. Keep calm, I know a difficult one but it's better than rage. Good luck!

Posted on:
Sat, 25/11/2017 - 09:53

Lethe

Joined:
2016-12-10

He's lying through his teeth which is standard behaviour from an active CG.

He won't give up gambling until he wants to and there's nothing you can do or say that will make him. Switch the focus around to where it belongs which is you and keep it there. How do you want to live? What do you want, need and deserve from a partner? All the time he's active he won't come anywhere close to matching up.

Posted on:
Sat, 25/11/2017 - 14:27

Mel a nie

Joined:
2017-06-14

I agree with the above comments, I wouldn’t believe w word he says. Sorry to be harsh but we’ve all experienced the lies and bulls**t stories. I kicked my ex out & he continued to lie whilst supposedly trying to get me back so probably not the best person to give any more advice if you want to stay with him xx

Posted on:
Sat, 25/11/2017 - 17:19

Cynical wife

Joined:
2015-06-23

Definitely echo advice to focus on you and how you want to live your life. What you describe sounds completely dysfunctional. There’s no need to live that way, it’s not normal and it’s not healthy.

The starting point for you is to get help for you, regardless of what he does or doesn’t do to help himself. Try GamAnon and/or CoDA and/or if he’s also drinking, try Al-Anon. Read up on addiction and know that untreated, it’s progressive. It doesn’t go away, things just get worse. 

Look after you.

CW