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Documenting my journey

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#1 Posted on:
Fri, 13/10/2017 - 17:47

Slot Fool

Joined:
2017-09-20

Today will be my first payday in 4 years that I will not gambled a single penny. #determined

Posted on:
Fri, 13/10/2017 - 23:43

46 and out

Joined:
2017-08-08

Hi SF

Long may it continue, keep that determination going. Wake up every day and give real focus on not gambling for that one day.   Payday for me today too.  I've had a great day I hope you have too.

46 and out

Posted on:
Sat, 14/10/2017 - 21:20

Slot Fool

Joined:
2017-09-20

Hi 46 and out,
Thanks for the msg. I didn't gamble Yay!. I had an amazing day and am still going strong. I feel like I can do it this time.

All the best

Posted on:
Sat, 14/10/2017 - 22:26

Muststop123

Joined:
2017-10-03

Hi Slot Fool

Well done and keep it up. One day at a time, you can't go any faster.

Muststop123

Posted on:
Sun, 15/10/2017 - 22:41

Slot Fool

Joined:
2017-09-20

Thanks Muststop123

Posted on:
Wed, 18/10/2017 - 22:44

Slot Fool

Joined:
2017-09-20

So...it happened!! I failed, I gambled :( I felt so bad doing it that I actually got up and left with money in my hand having gambled and lost £20. I never want to sit in front of a machine and feed it my money ever again.
It feels horrible being back at day zero.

Posted on:
Thu, 19/10/2017 - 07:52

Muststop123

Joined:
2017-10-03

Right, positive is you managed to stop and walk away before you lost all your cash. Not sure I could do that if I started again. Danger is you might not be as self controlled next time.

Can you put any blocks in place to prevent you from getting caught out by the urge to gamble, just something to make it really difficult and inconvience and perhaps give you time to rethink the idea? 

 

Posted on:
Thu, 19/10/2017 - 18:37

Slot Fool

Joined:
2017-09-20

Hi Muststop123
Thanks for the msg, I am still upset about gambling again. I know why I did it and I shouldn't of. I only gamble in one place and I need to make sure I never go there again. If I go to work without my car I cannot get there. So for now I will walk to work.

My 1st target is to get to 30 days, 27 was a good attempt but not good enough

I will never gamble again, I am so lucky I managed to stop. I would normally of lost hundreds. I'll never risk it again.
It felt horrible. I didn't enjoy it. I'm done with it now.

Posted on:
Fri, 20/10/2017 - 07:58

Slot Fool

Joined:
2017-09-20

Day 2
Woke up feeling better today. Not beating myself up anymore over what I did. I'm going to focus on making sure I don't do it again.

Today I will not gamble

Have a good day everyone

Posted on:
Fri, 20/10/2017 - 21:22

Slot Fool

Joined:
2017-09-20

Had a good day today. Just been for a nice long walk for 1hr, head is feeling much clearer now. I will beat this.

Posted on:
Fri, 03/11/2017 - 05:16

Slot Fool

Joined:
2017-09-20

I've noticed I get anxious now I've stopped gambling, not sure if this is normal and don't quite no what to do about it? Maybe I need to start looking at the reasons why I gambled in the first place?

Posted on:
Fri, 03/11/2017 - 07:14

Bal

Joined:
2015-04-18

Perhaps contact Gamcare and ask for free 1 2 1 counselling sessions. When i had mine it took me places in my mind i didnt want to go but really looked into my reasons why.

Take every opportunity available. Self exclusion, GA, Counselling, restriction of finances. Whatever it takes.

Best wishes

Posted on:
Fri, 10/11/2017 - 16:32

Slot Fool

Joined:
2017-09-20

Today has been so hard. I gambled last night. I got half way through today and thought right I've had enough.
I did something I have all ways said I'd never do...i told my husband.
He is fuming!! He doesn't understand why I did it. He didn't have a clue I was a gambler.
He knew I went to bingo but assumed I just played bingo and had a go on the slots every now and then. I cannot believe I found the strength to tell him.
I gave him all my cards and money. He then took me to the club to self exclude.
I cannot discribe the relief I feel. A weight has genuinely been lifted. I'm not sure about the effect this has had on us yet, he is still in shock I think. But as bad, ashamed and regretful I feel about the money I spent, doesn't come close to how the fact that I have finally admitted I need help males me feel. I have hope. I can beat this. I'll be debt free in 6/7 months and I really hope my marriage will survive.

Posted on:
Fri, 10/11/2017 - 17:02

DaveyJ

Joined:
2016-04-17

Hi Slot Fool. I how you feel i too relapsed this month with the straw the broke the camels back being last night. You did the right thing telling your husband. If nothing else hopefully the shame/fear of having to tell him of another relapse will stop you before you do it again. I can't give you any advice really as im struggling badly myself just now just know your not alone.

Take Care...

Davey

Posted on:
Fri, 10/11/2017 - 18:03

Slot Fool

Joined:
2017-09-20

Thanks for your message Davey, sorry to hear that your not doing so well. I hope you get back on top of things soon. Here's to another gamble free day tomorrow.
All the best.

Posted on:
Fri, 10/11/2017 - 19:03

S_J_B

Joined:
2013-05-25

Hey there

Stop beating yourself up, it's not gonna help! (Personal experience)

Well done on coming clean, it takes so much guts to do that.

Now prove to yourself and your loved ones that you're serious about it. Get support and help.
You're not alone and please use all the avenues possible to help yourself back on the feet (mentally) as it will aid you going forwards.

Don't suffer in silence - we are listening!

A hug from me (((((YOU)))))

S x

Posted on:
Fri, 10/11/2017 - 21:49

Slot Fool

Joined:
2017-09-20

Thanks S, that really made me smile. Needed that hug :)
I will prove I'm serious and I will never do it again. I wish I admitted it sooner. X

Posted on:
Fri, 10/11/2017 - 21:52

Slot Fool

Joined:
2017-09-20

Bal I made the call! Spoke to a lovely guy and he gave me some advice on counselling. I might try online

Posted on:
Tue, 14/11/2017 - 08:00

Slot Fool

Joined:
2017-09-20

Payday tomorrow and I'm not dreading it. Eager to make some payments to clear some of my debt. Also heading to the bank tomorrow to close some accounts, set up direct debits and turn on paper bank statements again.
Have a good day all

Posted on:
Fri, 17/11/2017 - 07:56

Slot Fool

Joined:
2017-09-20

That's a week done! It has totally flown by. Have not been this happy in a long time. Feels great. Have a good day everyone.

Posted on:
Fri, 17/11/2017 - 11:10

SEL87

Joined:
2017-10-18

Well done SF the first couple of weeks is very hard,keep plugging away and the 30 days won't be long coming in.

Posted on:
Fri, 17/11/2017 - 21:40

Slot Fool

Joined:
2017-09-20

Thanks Stevo

Good to see your still going strong, all the best. Have a good weekend

Posted on:
Sun, 19/11/2017 - 14:12

Slot Fool

Joined:
2017-09-20

Hello Double figures

Posted on:
Thu, 23/11/2017 - 07:43

Slot Fool

Joined:
2017-09-20

14 days GF today. Struggled to get off to sleep last night. Feeling guilty about what I have done. I have paid I big chunk of debt off this month and still haven't spent a penny of my wages strangely I feel like I can't spend money.

Posted on:
Thu, 30/11/2017 - 20:08

Slot Fool

Joined:
2017-09-20

3 weeks gamble free today! Feeling okay, it's odd because I haven't had an urge at all but I do feel really bad about what I did and feel guilty. Need to forgive myself I know but it was so stupid....never thought I'd find myself in this situation
Looking forward to hitting 30 days soon

Posted on:
Fri, 01/12/2017 - 00:11

4D

Joined:
2010-02-10

Well done on three weeks gambling free Slot Fool :) I was a slot fool as well until recently but they are a dead end!!!
You have made the right choice, now you are starting your new life, keep going x

Posted on:
Thu, 07/12/2017 - 20:37

Slot Fool

Joined:
2017-09-20

Thanks 4D, 4 weeks now Yay!
I got this :)

Posted on:
Mon, 11/12/2017 - 21:41

Slot Fool

Joined:
2017-09-20

1st month in the bag :)

Posted on:
Mon, 11/12/2017 - 22:09

sjwsjw

Joined:
2017-10-27

Well done! So good to see you understand how important it is to take this addiction seriously. Glad you managed to tell your husband, i hope you find it a little easier to talk about now.

Keep going, it's working but its not over. All the best :)

Posted on:
Tue, 12/12/2017 - 18:26

Slot Fool

Joined:
2017-09-20

Thanks sjwsjw :)
Telling him was the best thing I did. He was harsh for the 1st few days but has been there for me ever since.
Pay day in a few days and all I can think about is paying some more off my debt, I'm looking forward to getting that number down a bit more.
Thanks very much for commenting and I'm still taking it one day at a time but feeling much more positive. I log in at least once a day and read people's posts. This forum is helping me no end.
Wishing you all the best in your journey:)

Posted on:
Tue, 12/12/2017 - 18:56

Slot Fool

Joined:
2017-09-20

Sjwsjw a few words you have written have really made me think and also made me emotional ....actually I do find it easier to talk about things....we talk so much more about the reasons behind my gambling and the reason why it escalated out of control.
I've had such a bad childhood and very little love in my life shown by my family but I have never let it effect my life except that it made me long for a family of my own. My husband and I were expecting our 1st child and it meant so so much to me but unfortunately it was Ectopic and I needed to have surgery 4 months ago. Things got pretty bad for me gambling wise and I racked up nearly 6k in debt.
I'm not using what I went through as an excuse for my actions by no means but when you're feeling low you don't necessarily think straight. Money had lost its meaning and value to me, I'd lost the one thing I'd dreamt of, a few more hundred quid was nothing. Before you know if you've spent thousands. As I think back over the last 4 months yes I regret what I did but I'm so proud of myself for pulling my life back on track and asking for help and admitting what I had done.i could have gone on and on doing the damage.

It's a long road ahead but I've come so far already.

Posted on:
Tue, 12/12/2017 - 19:11

46 and out

Joined:
2017-08-08

Hi Slot Fool

Congratulations on your first month gamble free.  Keep up the great work.

46 and Out

Posted on:
Tue, 12/12/2017 - 19:13

Slot Fool

Joined:
2017-09-20

Thanks 46 and out :)
126 days is awesome. Well done, keep going

Posted on:
Tue, 12/12/2017 - 20:12

sjwsjw

Joined:
2017-10-27

Im glad you feel like you can talk about things. It's a big part of recovery and moving forwards without the gambling.

More often than not there are reasons (not excuses) for our gambling habbits. With the right support we can work though it.