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Do I walk away?

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#1 Posted on:
Wed, 14/06/2017 - 14:51

Mel a nie

Joined:
2017-06-14

Hi, I'm hoping for some advice. 

My partner is a CG, there is no question about that. 

I suspected for a long while and this was confirmed last year when I discovered he was over £30k in debt from it. He promised he would stop and I stupidly believed him. He didn't stop. I found out he'd been gambling again early this year and again he promised he'd stop, he didn't...this has happened 3 or 4 times. The last time I found out I kicked him out, he apologised again & I took him back, he gave me access to his bank account and paid off all the debt. He'd finally gotten himself straight and I really thought he'd changed, he knew if it happened again he'd be left with nothing. I just found out he's spent £5k in about a month on credit cards, the only reason I found out was because he got a loan to pay off the cards & I saw this on his bank account. I told him he has two choices...get help or leave. He point blank refuses to get any help, he admits he has a problem and that he just can't help himself but thinks he can stop alone. He says if he leaves there's nothing left for him & I'm terrified what he might do. He is already on antidepressants, he tells me he told the doc about the gambling but wouldn't listen to his advice about getting help either & hasn't been back to the docs in a while. I just don't know what to do now, I love him and I want to help but I know without professional help he will never change. Is it time to give up on him? Thanks in advance for any advice! X

 

 

Posted on:
Wed, 14/06/2017 - 15:22

Bop5times

Joined:
2017-04-21

Hi mel 

Ive been a CG for around 10 years, ive said on numerous occasions to my partner/family im going to stop gambling just because thats what they wanted to hear, ive had the big wins which have lead to the big losses leading to thousands of pound of debt!

54 days ago i stopped gambling (i know this isn't long) but 54 days ago i stopped for Me because i wanted to, and thats what he needs to do. Take all off his bank cards and remove his online banking, ive found this a great help. If he needs petrol or dinner for work give x amount of money for him to get by. He may find this embarrassing and be quite bullish about it, but it takes away any urge he may get and he will get them.

The worst thing you can do is keep bailing him out, my mother kept doing the same for me, and though i wasnt doing it on purpose i knew i had that help when things went **** up!

I hope yous find away to sort this out and that he finds away to beat this illness.

Posted on:
Wed, 14/06/2017 - 16:15

Mel a nie

Joined:
2017-06-14

Hi bop thanks for your reply. Well done, I know 54 days is a long time!! Keep it up! 

I have taken all his cards in the past, he managed to persuade me to give him his debit card back which he has & hasn't spent any of the money from there, instead he re-opened one credit card & managed to get another new one. Even if I take all his cards again I'm scared he will just do the same again & find a way to open more cards! Also he recently opened a new savings account with a different bank which he refuses to let me have access to because "it's so he can buy me things without me knowing how much they cost" etc. I feel like no matter what I do he will still find a way to gamble!

Posted on:
Wed, 14/06/2017 - 16:51

Bop5times

Joined:
2017-04-21

Its sound to me like he doesn't want to stop, but just for your benefit he says he wants to. If he does he needs you to have full control over fianances, will power alone isn't enough at this stage of recovery.

The way a gamblers mind works, we will try any avenue to get money, if you take his debit card off him he wont have any details to get new credit cards as he will need it to get a credit check

I asked my partner what advice would she give you as a girlfriend of a CG, her answer was "nothing actually worked until you decided you wanted to stop and gave me all of your bank cards".

My biggest fear was handling the debts so I gambled and gambled until i finally faced it, now ive finally stopped looking for happiness in the same place i lost it!

 

Posted on:
Wed, 14/06/2017 - 18:45

Lethe

Joined:
2016-12-10

He absolutely can help himself. He just doesn't want to and until he does any efforts and offers to help you make are futile. Make sure your own and household finances are protected then read up on the addiction to see what you and he might be up against even if he does decide to commit to recovery. This forum is a very good place to start.

Posted on:
Thu, 15/06/2017 - 14:21

Mel a nie

Joined:
2017-06-14

Thanks both for your replies. 

 

You are probably right, I don't think he REALLY wants to stop & it's so frustrating! Why can't he see what he's doing to himself and us? 

 

He said he would give me all his cards and access to his savings account but that was after pushing & I could tell he didn't really want to. 

 

I tried to have a calm conversation with him this morning but he just won't engage. I asked him how long he stopped for last time & he wouldn't answer. 

We're in our early 30s & planned to have children soon, I tried to explain he's throwing the chance of that away....nothing. He was more bothered about the neighbour hearing us! I got upset (again) and he just took the p**s out of me for crying then walked out whilst mumbling that he thinks I like arguing & want to leave him!

Posted on:
Thu, 15/06/2017 - 14:56

Merry go round

Joined:
2017-06-08

Hi Mel sounds like he's looking for the excuse to argue and gamble. You are powerless. If he wants to gamble he will. He has to get help and he has to do it when he's at rock bottom. They go on until there's loans and debt unimaginable. My husband is cg and been gambling for 30 years. He's been to ga for a while in past couple of times. Uses excuses as why he doesn't like the meetings. I thought he'd stopped but last month he confessed. I'm back to gamanon meetings and he's been to 2. Try and talk when you're both calm, I know easier said than done. Safeguard your money, don't pay his debts. Encourage help either gamcare or ga. You can call helpline too.

Posted on:
Thu, 15/06/2017 - 15:05

Mel a nie

Joined:
2017-06-14

Fair play to you for putting up with it for so long. I feel like I'm at a point where I'm having to decide how my whole future will pan out & I don't know what to do. 

As I've said previously he refuses to get help. Did your husband choose to go to ga of his own back or was he persuaded? 

 

I refuse to pay anything else for him, me & his mum have both paid some of his debts in the past and now I know we shouldn't have done. My money is safe where he can't access it & there is minimal money in the joint account. 

 

Definitely easier said than done trying to talk when calm, each time I try he gets angry & I get upset. 

 

He's just txt me saying 'hope you're ok' as if nothing is wrong!!!

Posted on:
Thu, 15/06/2017 - 16:56

Merry go round

Joined:
2017-06-08

Oh yes, my husband said the other day 'I'm not skint' they're on another planet, especially if debt has been paid off. He went to ga because I went to gamanon. Persuading doesn't work. He has to acknowledge the problem, keep talking x

Posted on:
Thu, 15/06/2017 - 17:43

Bop5times

Joined:
2017-04-21

The key is HE needs to want to stop. Ive treated my GF the exact same way hes treating you. Its pure frustration on his behalf that he is this way towards you. He will have a win and  be all nice then lose it again and its back to square one. Its a vicious circle.

I dont go to GA meetings as i found these very god oriented (imo) but i come on this site every day or 2 just to remind myself how much gambling destroys people, also keeping a diary where no one judges me feels great!

Maybe asking him to read some stories on here maybe a eye opener, that things can change no matter how hard it is. Thats certainly what's motivating me.

Posted on:
Wed, 20/09/2017 - 13:57

Mel a nie

Joined:
2017-06-14

So I'm back....since my last post I gave him another chance, and another, and another. He stopped for a few weeks then yesterday I found out he gambled again so I asked him about it. He did the usual got angry & stormed out, went to the pub & spent even more. Obviously he's all apologetic today but I just don't think I can cope anymore. How many last chances can you give someone?!

Posted on:
Wed, 20/09/2017 - 15:04

Sam Crow

Joined:
2012-02-23

He knows you will keep giving him more chances and taking him back regardless of what he does. Time to break the cycle once and for all. Maybe then he'll wake up and realise he needs to seek out help but until then there is nothing you can do for him. Look after yourself

Posted on:
Wed, 20/09/2017 - 15:38

Merry go round

Joined:
2017-06-08

Hi Mel a nie oh dear, I feel for you. No more chances, rules. He has to do what you want. He obviously can't do this by himself. So he gets counselling goes to meetings gives you the salary. If not.... you decide. You say you can't live like this, but you keep letting him. You deserve respect and honesty. The only way my cg stops is GA meetings and I go to gamanon. They're like toddlers they need to be on reins. This is your life too, look after yourself. Put yourself first. 

Posted on:
Wed, 20/09/2017 - 15:58

triangle

Joined:
2014-03-14

The frightening thing is an illness like this can get worse and often does untreated.  Compulsive gambling can develop into addiction but of course not all gamblers are addicts, just the few percent if you believe the gambling industry.

Like its been said, an addict will, in my experience will only stop when they are ready to accept gambling has them beat and only that addict can make that decision ( although with family and friends support)

in my own recovery, i use many blockers and treatments including being on here often, internet / self exlusions, counselling and not to forget GA meetings and the program it offers. 

I hope you make the right decision for yourself but i can offer you hope that i've seen many people turn their lives around by working hard on recovery and accepting what they are. 

All the best, tri

Posted on:
Sat, 23/09/2017 - 00:07

Court18

Joined:
2017-09-22

Hi Mel, 

I know the feeling my boyfriend is the same but he does attend Gemcare sessions. He did stop for 5 weeks but as soon as i left for university he went straight back to it again. There maybe an underlying cause to his gambling like a trigger or a past experience that caused him to get addicted. I find blockers on computers, laptops and phones would work. The one my boyfriend downloaded (yes he did download it to stop him from doing it) is called K9 Web Protection it stops him from accessing any gambling site. 

All the best, Court

Posted on:
Sat, 23/09/2017 - 07:32

Mel a nie

Joined:
2017-06-14

Thanks for the replies. The problem is he refuses to do anything....refuses to see a counsellor or go to ga, refuses  to get any blockers or anything like that because he won’t asmit he’s got a problem. He thinks because he stops for a few weeks at a time it’s not a problem. He says he’ll go to the doctor about his anger but he’s yet to make an appointment. I’m bored of him saying sorry because it means nothing anymore. I think he thinks after a few days I’m going to say ‘it’s ok we’re back to normal now’. 

Posted on:
Sat, 23/09/2017 - 07:46

Merry go round

Joined:
2017-06-08

Hi Mel a nie it's obvious he isn't going to do anything. You've said he doesn't want to stop and doesn't see a problem. So now it's up to you. What do you want? Is gambling causing problems in your relationship? You are the one who needs to make the change. Waiting for him you'll be waiting a long time. The longer you leave it the worse it gets. What is stopping you? What is holding you back from moving forward? What are you afraid of? If it's him and his anger then there are people out there who can help you. Please call gamcare and get help and advice. Someone said to me 'he's got you right where he wants you.' Be safe, get yourself help, put yourself first. Stop worrying about him. You have to do something otherwise nothing will change and you will be stuck in this destructive cycle. This is about you.

Posted on:
Mon, 25/09/2017 - 22:03

Mel a nie

Joined:
2017-06-14

Well I’ve done it. It’s over. Over the last few days I’ve given him chances to talk and all he can say is sorry & he won’t do it again. I’ve calmly explained to him he has an illness and needs help but he still refuses. I told him I can never trust him, he is doing nothing different this time to help himself so I know he won’t change & I can’t live my life like this....constantly checking & wondering when the next time will be & whether he is lying. I’m heartbroken and I’m terrified what will happen to him now but he just doesn’t want to help himself. I’ve finally told my friends & family too....feels like a weight lifted, I don’t have to deal with this on my own anymore! 

Posted on:
Mon, 25/09/2017 - 23:14

Merry go round

Joined:
2017-06-08

Hi Mel a nie I'm sorry to see another relationship destroyed by gambling. I think it's the best decision for you. Get some support and look after yourself. It's devastating and it's hard to think they can't stop and don't see the problem. Look after yourself and take care, stay strong!

Posted on:
Tue, 26/09/2017 - 00:30

Mel a nie

Joined:
2017-06-14

Thanks Mgw. I thought I was ok. I didn’t cry when I told my mum, didn’t cry when my dad called round to see if I was ok. And now I can’t stop. I should be asleep but I can’t sfop thinking, thinking about how this awful illness has destroyed us yet he can’t even admit he has a problem, thinking about having to sort everything out with the house etc, thinking about what my future holds. I am a complete mess. I’ve no idea where he is so I’m also worrying about him. How the **** did my life end up like this?!!!

Posted on:
Tue, 26/09/2017 - 01:11

ODAAT

Joined:
2014-11-10

Hi Mel, it's the end of an era & one in which you'd invested your heart...It's going to hurt but @ least this way, you get a chance to live.  You were only existing before & with him stomping all over your feelings, it's little wonder that the initial euphoria made you feel like you could breathe again.

Try not to let what he is or isn't doing consume you, it's time to start rebuilding your life, lean on your lovely parents if you need to. Living with an active gambler is hell on earth & I for one, applaud you for finding the strength to finally look out for yourself.  He has behaved appallingly (how dare he laugh @ your heart breaking) & maybe having to finally stand on his own 2 feet will be the wake up call he needs to accept that he does have a problem.

Time to look after you & look to your future - ODAAT 

Posted on:
Tue, 26/09/2017 - 08:45

Reezie

Joined:
2017-09-26

Hi Mel

Thank you for sharing your story. Your situation is one I am hopeful to avoid with my partner. Its very early days and hes promised me to get help. I just hope he does. Well done on taking the right steps for you and i hope you can move forward from this. Take Care

Posted on:
Tue, 26/09/2017 - 09:14

Mel a nie

Joined:
2017-06-14

Hi reezie, sorry you find yourself here too. I hope for both your sakes your partner does get help, promising he will and actually doing it are two very different things as I have learnt after many broken promises. My journey is far from over and the thought of moving forward feels out of my reach. X

Posted on:
Tue, 26/09/2017 - 10:40

Merry go round

Joined:
2017-06-08

Hi Mel a nie, the end of a relationship is like bereavement. You need to go through all the emotions. Just worry about you, make sure all finances are secure.  Just get through today. This may not be the last you hear from him. Stay strong. Good luck!

Posted on:
Wed, 27/09/2017 - 19:20

Lauraw05

Joined:
2017-09-27

Hi, 

I’m new to this site, but I’m at my lowest, most confused point right now, and don’t know what to do.

My boyfriend of nearly 7 years has a gambling problem. He’s had it all throughout our relationship, but it has come and gone, with some really great times together in between.

We’ve already been through the closing our joint account stage, because he kept helping himself to money that was for our bills, and his wages are paid into my bank account.

So, the thing is, without me he pretty much has no access to money. He gets some cash in hand from a second job, but other than that, he relies on me, and apparently other people he calls his friends, and now I’ve found out, his mum. 

So, as an example, he is sometimes good at poker, he goes to organised games with his friends, from what I know it’s £30 to enter and when he’s out, he’s out, and asks me to pick him up and he comes home.

Its the online poker, and the poker games when he’s been drinking is a whole different level. As I am his  only reliable source for funds, he lies about where he’s going and what he’s doing when he’s out, although I know deep down he’s out playing poker. He then rings me at stupid hours in the morning when I’m sleeping and begs, literally lies in any way possible, I sometimes think he might be telling the truth, and begs for me to send him money. Until eventually after sometimes hours of him not giving in, I’ll do it. I’ll send him it. But I can’t say no. He knows how to manipulate me into doing it. Same if he’s been out and had a drink, he’ll want to come home and do some online streaming, so demands money for that. Shouts, screams, begs, calls me names, talks to me like I’m a piece of s***, threatens to break up with me, pins me down, grabs my phone to try and send the money over to his account himself. Until I just have to give in. Sometimes it’s “babe, can I please borrow £30, I’ll give it back to you tomorrow after work.” And then a couple of hours later “babe, can you please chuck me another £30”. Or making up that people are threatening to beat him up as they’ve lent him money, so I send it as I’m worried, but it’s been a lie and he’s spent that on drink and gambling too.  

 

 

So I guess I’m adding fuel to the fire, but he’s so manipulating, I do it to shut him up, and if I don’t give it to him he’ll get it from someone else.  I’ve now found out that he’s been doing the same to his mum, and she’s felt the same as me, like she has to do it. And now he owes her £1000 after just six months.

Every single time, the next day, he’ll say he’s sorry and act ashamed about what he’s done. Wasting our money on poker. Sorry, it’ll never happen again. Then things will be great for a few weeks, do things normal couples do, go for meals, go to the cinema, spend evenings in together. And then, it will happen again. And we’re back to square one.

I want to be saving money for the future, not living off what we get each month because he’s flittering it away, but he also says he same. That he wants to save money, do things together, save for holidays and go places etc. 

I know some people may just be thinking that this wouldn’t be a problem anymore if I just said no when he asks me for money, but I don’t feel like it’s that easy. It’s hard to explain, I feel like I have to, to please him, and just keep thinking tomorrow is another day and everything will be okay. 

He won’t soberly talk about his emotions or problems with me, but recently when he came home drunk, he cried and admitted he has a gambling addiction. But whether that was just to shut me up or make me feel even more guilty and sorry for him, I don’t know. 

I’m always sat to think, thinking that this is somehow my fault. That I’m the reason he’s like this. He must enjoy doing it, or else he wouldn’t do it. He is the loveliest, most caring, fun, happy person, but this changes him completely. And I’m not sure how much longer I can cope. 

I don’t want to give up, we live together, have done for six years, and we’re in the process of buying a house (in my name) and starting a future. That I thought we both wanted. I don’t want to walk away, as he’s my best friend and I love him with all my heart, but I can’t live feeling like this anymore. Always wondering how much money I’m going to lose out on this month.

How can I make him understand what he’s doing and what a problem he has? Or do you think maybe he just doesn’t care?

Any help and advice will be much appreciated. 

Thanks, x 

Posted on:
Wed, 27/09/2017 - 20:25

Merry go round

Joined:
2017-06-08

Hi Laura, you will get more advice if you start your own story. Button at bottom of f&f page, new topic. In the meantime I would call gamcare. You need real help and counselling to deal with this. It sounds very destructive. For starters it's not your fault. You and his mum need to talk to him when he's calm and let him know you won't put up with it anymore. He needs to seek help himself. You need to be strong and stop the cycle of behaviour. If you don't pay he can't play, if you think he's going to call don't answer. This addiction gets progressively worse so you need to sort this soon. That behaviour is not acceptable. Good luck!

Posted on:
Thu, 28/09/2017 - 14:27

Mel a nie

Joined:
2017-06-14

Hi Laura, I can only offer my point of view as someone who has put up with it, accepted the apologies & believed the promises over and over only for him to go & do it again to the point where I couldn’t take it anymore. He was exactly the same in that he said wanted all the things in the future, the holidays, the family etc but he point blank refuses to get help, even now I have told him it over. I have learnt from everything with him & advice from on here that he will not change unless he accepts he has a problem and gets help. You are the only one who can decide what you are prepared to put up with. I just couldn’t spend the rest of my life constantly worrying and wondering what will happen next & always questioning everything he does. I spoke to a friend who asked what I’d be saying to her if she was in my position, I knew exactly what I’d be saying. Don’t get me wrong, I love him with all my heart and I am completely devastated and broken that I’ve told him it’s over but it wasn’t healthy for either of us. He still refuses to accept he has a problem which needs help and has continued to gamble since I told him it’s over. I feel so helpless that I can do no more but I now understand he has to do this for himself. At the moment he is in denial & the only thing he will say to me is that he wants us back to normal, still promising he will stop and thinks everyone is laughing at him. It’s so hard but you have to do what is right for you and your future xx

Posted on:
Tue, 03/10/2017 - 19:33

Mel a nie

Joined:
2017-06-14

Why is he blaming me for eberything? He’s blaming me  for ‘going mad’ (as he puts it) when he gambled again so it’s my fault he gambled over 3k in less than 2 weeks after that! It’s my fault he’s now left with nothing because he gambled away everything! Then the next minute he says he knows he’s got a problem & will get help! He’s all calm & nice one minute then horrible the next! How can he not see that none of this is my fault?! 

Posted on:
Tue, 03/10/2017 - 20:44

Merry go round

Joined:
2017-06-08

Hi Mel a nie he is refusing to admit. It's the blame game. They blame everyone but themselves. It's a process, he'll either get help or chase his losses. It's manipulation hoping you'll help him or go back. Stay strong. 

Posted on:
Tue, 03/10/2017 - 22:33

Nikki56

Joined:
2017-10-01

Hi Laura,

Other than pointing him towards Gamcare and refusing to give him money there is little you can do to stop him gamble. It is his choice to continue if he wants to and from what you say he is refusing to see the problem and take responsibility for it. He is also manipulative, verbally and physically abusive and i know this is because of gambling but this is unacceptable and makes me think it may be helpful to speak with Women's Aid.

Posted on:
Tue, 03/10/2017 - 23:04

Cynical wife

Joined:
2015-06-23

If it’s your fault then it’s not his and therefore he doesn’t need to change.

That’s his warped thinking, what about you? Call the Helpline, go to GamAnon, start reclaiming your life. Because if you don’t, no one else will do it for you.

CW

Posted on:
Wed, 11/10/2017 - 10:38

Mel a nie

Joined:
2017-06-14

So as above I did ‘walk away’, he’s left the house but not taken all his stuff yet & there are still things to sort out re bills etc. I did tell him that if he went away, got help and proved he had changed then things maybe could be different in the future. The problem I have now is that I obviously still care about him, live him & want him to get sorted for himself. Is there anything I can do to help him anymore or am i supposed to just leave him to get on with it??? I’m sure he’s still not got any help & I know all this is now affecting his work. I just want him to be ok for himself! 

Posted on:
Wed, 11/10/2017 - 14:13

Merry go round

Joined:
2017-06-08

Hi Mel a nie, you could go to meetings. Go to one where GA and gamanon together. You could have couples therapy. You could get counselling. You could manage his money. But if he doesn't get help for himself and try to stop, it will be just you getting better. Which is good, it will help you. Realistically if he has left and still continuing, it doesn't sound like he's ready. But he may be getting help and you don't know. It's all a guessing game. Get help for you and go from there.

Posted on:
Wed, 11/10/2017 - 15:58

Mel a nie

Joined:
2017-06-14

Thanks. He won’t go to meetings or counselling, I’ve offered to go with him as has his Mum but he refuses. Now he has left I can’t manage his money. 

Posted on:
Mon, 06/11/2017 - 08:30

Mel a nie

Joined:
2017-06-14

So I’ve just found out that he’s continued to gamble since I kicked him out! Despite him telling me numerous times that he’s not. He still thinks we can work this out. I just can’t get my head round how he can think like this?!

Posted on:
Mon, 06/11/2017 - 09:39

Merry go round

Joined:
2017-06-08

Hi Mel a nie I don't really know what to say. He isn't going to stop because he doesn't want to. If he wanted to stop he would seek help and admit. You need to concentrate on you. He's shown you what he's prepared to do, nothing. May be have no contact at all, try and let go. Have you had counselling? I don't know what else you can do. Look after you.

Posted on:
Mon, 06/11/2017 - 13:06

Sam Crow

Joined:
2012-02-23

Hi Melanie, from the other side of the fence I can only imagine how frustrating his behaviour continues to be even after all that has happened. Echo the advice above about getting help for yourself. Unfortunately there is not a lot more you can do for him as he has to be ready and make the necessary changes off his own bat, as the saying goes you can lead a horse to water....

All the best

Posted on:
Mon, 06/11/2017 - 14:13

Joanne Isla

Joined:
2017-10-17

Drinking and gambling aside, the challenge you'll have with this fella is that he doen't like to be answerable to anyone bar himself.  Hence his reluctance to seek help, hand over control of his finances, surrender his freedom to do as he pleases (playing poker, drinking with his buddies etc.)   He's always going to do exactly what he wants.  So if you're going to build a life with him you're going to have to accept that.  Your choice, your destiny.

Posted on:
Mon, 06/11/2017 - 14:35

Amom

Joined:
2014-10-09

Mel a nie I saw a quote the other day

"When someone shows us who they are, believe them; the first time"

Put him and his addiction aside for a while and look after yourself.

Cathyx

Posted on:
Mon, 06/11/2017 - 17:37

Mel a nie

Joined:
2017-06-14

Thanks everyone for the responses. I think I just need to be a bit stronger, he still has stuff in the house & there are still a couple of bills to sort which I have asked him to sort but he hasn’t. I know I need to be firm with him, I just worry about making his depression worse if I tell him to collect his things etc. X

Posted on:
Wed, 08/11/2017 - 06:45

Merry go round

Joined:
2017-06-08

Hi Mel a nie I'm sure those things are niggling you, you want to move forward. Just to say his depression is not down to you or what you do. If that was the case we could make someone with depression better and we can't. This is not your fault. In this life we take responsibility for ourselves. Well we're meant to! Just concentrate on yourself, he is out of your control.

Posted on:
Wed, 08/11/2017 - 17:53

Nomore

Joined:
2017-10-31

Hi Mel a nie

Seems like we're almost in the same boat or at least paddling next to each other.

Keep going and doing what's right for you. If you wobble remind yourself of the reasons why you made a decision to protect yourself.

If there are still possessions lying around in sight maybe box them up if you have the time and inclination then at least they're out of the way.

It's so easy to put the rose tinted glasses on once they've left as you haven't got all that stress and constant worry under your roof and I think you realise how much time you spent worrying about someone else's addiction and the mayhem it often causes rather than spend that time in a positive manner investing in your own needs.

Stay strong and focus on you x

Posted on:
Fri, 10/11/2017 - 16:14

Mel a nie

Joined:
2017-06-14

Hi nomore, we certainly are. It’s awful isn’t it! I am going to start boxing up his stuff. He’s currently going through a cycle of constantly telling me this is what I wanted!!!! He won’t listen when I say it’s not what I wanted at all. 

I do keep reminding myself why I made this decision, it’s the only thing making me stick to it. The amount of lies he has told is unbelievable despite him keep saying that he won’t lie again! He doesn’t understand why I can’t live like that!!! 

Hope ur doing ok xx

Posted on:
Fri, 10/11/2017 - 18:59

Nomore

Joined:
2017-10-31

Hiya

Hope you're doing ok.

I'm also having some issues with the 'not understanding why I don't want to live like that.'

I've had to block all forms of communication with him as he won't stop contacting me despite me telling him not to. He seems to think we will get back together and he will prove to me that I can trust him...it's too little too late for me, I've realised this way of 'living' is not what I want.

To be honest the realisation that I don't need to or have to deal with this **** anymore is a huge relief and has brought me a lot of peace.

Stay strong x