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Posted on:
Mon, 04/06/2018 - 11:35

adam123

Joined:
2015-06-09

Start of another week, had a lovely weekend lots of sun, beaches, drinks and ice creams. Gonna stay tee total till world cup now me thinks. Off to work now then ill go to the gym.

Posted on:
Tue, 05/06/2018 - 12:50

adam123

Joined:
2015-06-09

So day nine of not gambling and feeling good, been super productive at work today. 2.5 hours overtime today so that's an extra twenty quid in my pocket.not drunk alcohol since Sunday night so second day today, hopefully not drink till the world cup is on. Went to gym last night and done a 5k cycle and some rowing and weights. So onwards and upwards you get out what you put in so I will put in lots of effort. Over and out

Posted on:
Tue, 05/06/2018 - 13:32

Leedsfan333

Joined:
2018-05-30

Hi Adam, massive congratulations on your progress. Just reading about your journey and how you’ve turned your life around is an inspiration to myself who’s very new to it all

Just regarding the poker games, have you anyone in your circle of friends you can confide in about this? Just thinking if the cards come out maybe they could go home with you or even on to another pub. Sorry I know it’s not that straight forward but if your friends knew you had a problem with gambling would hey encourage you to do it? 

Posted on:
Tue, 05/06/2018 - 17:47

adam123

Joined:
2015-06-09

Hi Leeds fan thanks for the post. Its all good on the poker front friends that need to know know, and ones that are still playing well I've only seen them once this year and that ended up with me gambling twenty pounds so wont be seeing them if I can help it.... Got to keep my streak going this time 119 days was awesome but a full year would be magical.

Posted on:
Tue, 05/06/2018 - 18:42

adam123

Joined:
2015-06-09

​in a reflective mood this evening so I thought id read my diary back again. Ive come a long way this year. Ive made many steps forward and many steps sideways. I'm grateful ive still got my job I'm in a different department now and still working the staggared 25 hours a week untill I'm fully better. Ive still been going to the gym, not every day but two to three times a week. I'm going to train for a 5k run in October in Bournemouth for cancer research hopefully for work as I think they are

Posted on:
Tue, 05/06/2018 - 18:46

adam123

Joined:
2015-06-09

One of the sponsors for the event. Ive only gambled 20.50p since 23rd December which is a huge milestone, if I can only spend that by December this year I would consider 2018 to be a huge success. Honestly if I can do this everyone can so if u read this read my first diary back in 2016 and see that anything is possible.

Posted on:
Tue, 05/06/2018 - 21:03

adam123

Joined:
2015-06-09

Bought my mum a nice present for her birthday, going to buy a round of golf for one of my friends birthday this week. Looking forward to having the money to buy people things they would like. Life is precious llooking forward to making other peoples lives better thru gifts and spending time with them ( even tho me spending time with them may not be such a good gift lol more a penance

Posted on:
Sun, 10/06/2018 - 23:31

adam123

Joined:
2015-06-09

14 days gamble free today, mini achievement. Had a couple of drinks Fri night and Saturday day, wasn't my plan but didn't drink too much so not too bad. Got some overtime this week so that s good. Five days of work then off for four days with giving myself the Monday and Tuesday as holiday for England game. COME ON ENGLAND not getting hopes up

Posted on:
Mon, 11/06/2018 - 06:09

Leedsfan333

Joined:
2018-05-30

adam123 wrote:

14 days gamble free today, mini achievement. Had a couple of drinks Fri night and Saturday day, wasn't my plan but didn't drink too much so not too bad. Got some overtime this week so that s good. Five days of work then off for four days with giving myself the Monday and Tuesday as holiday for England game. COME ON ENGLAND not getting hopes up

Hey Adam were on equal days, 15 today! I’m hoping England have a good WC run, will keep us interested in the tournament without doing the other! Have a great week 

 

Posted on:
Mon, 11/06/2018 - 07:43

Oldhamktf

Joined:
2015-09-26

Hi Adam if course I remember you and I’ve still been reading your diary you had a great run around 3-4 months if I remember then a friendly game of poker, at least you see the signs now and don’t continue gambling, it’s very hard when it’s all around you but keep going bud never give up on giving up. 

KTF 

Posted on:
Mon, 11/06/2018 - 19:19

adam123

Joined:
2015-06-09

Hi Leeds fan and Oldham thanks for the posts. Yep watching England is gonna be awesome, cant wait for Thursday when it begins. First day at work of the week. Looking forward to this weekend already cant come quickly enough.

Posted on:
Thu, 14/06/2018 - 11:39

adam123

Joined:
2015-06-09

Old habbits die hard, been thinking about going to poker once a week again as I'm now in a position to not play the dreaded fruit machines. I would play on a Monday night and that is it. However this would ruin my gamble free days. Very confused .... Not sure yet.... Luckily I have a few days to make my mind up and not act on it spontaneously.

Posted on:
Tue, 19/06/2018 - 22:04

adam123

Joined:
2015-06-09

Hello diary, well I've gambled again not much played a poker game on Saturday and came out of evening evens. Also put six quid in a fruit machine one afternoon. Also been thinking of starting up my Monday night poker again. It all started when my dad said the the person who runs the poker in the club was asking after me, I talked to my mum and decided id play once a week only and not play on the fruit machines. Ever since that day ive been craving gambling as id decided I would start it again. Ive not even signed up to gamstop yet even tho I cant gamble online at home it wouldn't hurt to have that in my locker, I did however try to sign up once but with all the questions I must have got one wrong and it couldn't verify me. Well itz not all been bad ive been off work since Friday and have watched every single

Posted on:
Tue, 19/06/2018 - 22:08

adam123

Joined:
2015-06-09

Game in the world cup its been brilliant. Also on facebook every single other post is a gambling one for the world cup and its not helping. I got very drunk and ate way too much on Friday night and Saturday all day but managed to not drink Sunday Monday and today and played golf Monday and football today. I'm thinking I should count this relapse as a serious wake up call and not start poker again but start playing football every Tuesday instead.

Posted on:
Tue, 19/06/2018 - 22:11

adam123

Joined:
2015-06-09

I think I need to concentrate on my fitness again. If I stay tee total for a week untill Sundays England game then that would be a good start.

Posted on:
Thu, 21/06/2018 - 11:07

adam123

Joined:
2015-06-09

​another day has started, off to work soon, then gym after work and watching world cup when I get back.. Busy day, trying to remain positive after my recent relapse. All will be good as long as I stay gamble free.

Posted on:
Thu, 21/06/2018 - 21:45

adam123

Joined:
2015-06-09

End of another gamble and alcohol and ciggerette free day, even been to work and the gym horray. No alcohol till Sunday and then just a couple got to keep with the fitness

Posted on:
Mon, 25/06/2018 - 23:05

adam123

Joined:
2015-06-09

So end of three days off work, gambled sat, sun, and today, all three days. Not great really. Don't know whether to give up on this site, its the alcohol I was tee total the start of the year and gambling wasn't a problem. 119 days I managed.... Even went on the fruit machines this weekend. Lied to my mum about where I was to gamble playing poker round friends. Really not good.

Posted on:
Tue, 26/06/2018 - 17:46

adam123

Joined:
2015-06-09

So day one of no gambling, went to work, worked my **** off to throw myself into something in the scorching weather. Feeling good now back to normality. Managed over the weekend to gamble sensebly didn't lose any money was actually up about fifty over the course of the weekend. This is however how it allways goes u win then u keep that money to ones side and gamble until itsgone. Going to put it towards a round of golf with a friend, actually I know what ill put it towards, a new hobby ive been thinking about, photography. Going to spend a hundred on a digital camera with a lense and go on nature walks. That would actually prove that this weekend wasn't a total write off.

Posted on:
Wed, 27/06/2018 - 21:41

adam123

Joined:
2015-06-09

Day two of not gambling, went to work 8-4 2.5 hours extra in the bank. Haven't thought about ii at all. England play tomo and ive given myself Friday off work. May have a drink tomo night may not...might just have a coffee....alcohol is usually the start of my downfall...dont really feel any better when ive had a drink anyway somight give it a m

Posted on:
Mon, 02/07/2018 - 11:01

adam123

Joined:
2015-06-09

well if I thought I had a problem before the weekend I know ive got a problem now....thursday night watched England round a mates no problem then day off Friday went to town looked round shops then phoned a friend to meet me in club.... Two hours later ive been to cash point four times and pumped one hundred and forty in machine, luckily was down to twenty pound credit and I won two undred.... Then went home and then back out to club for poker Friday night came out evens. Such a bad turn of events, I know I cant go to club without playing on fruit machines

Posted on:
Mon, 02/07/2018 - 11:35

adam123

Joined:
2015-06-09

And the amount I drunk on Saturday night was horrendous. Drunk about five ciders and seven shots. Felt terrible Sunday all day. Time for a detox I feel, said detox soo many times over the course of last couple of months..... Got to be done.d

Posted on:
Mon, 02/07/2018 - 21:23

Mixer

Joined:
2016-12-03

Hi adam123,

I'm sorry you've gone on the tilt Adam and you're in a bad way. Not good mate, and the usual pattern unfolded ... won some, lost more, drunk too many. Hey, I've been there. You're not alone.

I've been scrolling back through your posts trying to isolate the trigger. Seems to me things have been building up like a pressure cooker and - boom. Suddenly, the gambling demon took control and you've been relapsing ever since. 

It's now time to take stock and regain your balance. First thing, stop the gambling again. Your availability to ready cash is no good; that will be gambled. I know it, you know it. So give it to someone to look after or but something you need. (There's always something you need; clothes, tech, gym annual membership; anything). Excessive cash is a killer.

Keep posting as you're doing. I'm following your thread closely; keep posting, and I'll keep replying.

Hang in there mate.

 

Posted on:
Mon, 02/07/2018 - 21:57

adam123

Joined:
2015-06-09

Hi mixer thanks as allways for the post, its no​t been easy it started with my dad saying a few people had asked after me at the club, so I had thoughts of going back. But once ur back and gamblingits all u think about and safe to say in the past two to three weeks ive played poker of gambled on fruit machines probably three times each week. Ive actually won mostly since playing but that winning streak will end.... At club on Friday afternoon

Posted on:
Mon, 02/07/2018 - 22:03

adam123

Joined:
2015-06-09

At the club on Friday afternoon I started my worst gambling binge where I visited the cash machine four times....i mean how is that going to be a good idea one hundred and forty pounds out in an hour.....i really do appreciate ur post as I'm really unsure as to what to do....i played poker tonight and spent half a days wage as I only earn forty a day now a third less than I used to.

Posted on:
Mon, 02/07/2018 - 22:07

adam123

Joined:
2015-06-09

I'm going to focus on a week as a target and go from there. A week of no gambling, no drinking and no ciggerrettes.

Posted on:
Wed, 04/07/2018 - 12:51

adam123

Joined:
2015-06-09

Continued my detox yesturday not drinking for the england game, then when trying to get to sleep i had voices back in my hand again talking to me (even had ian wright and cheryl cole) couldn't get to sleep till early hours so i've had a day of work today.  Hope my manager beleives its not just a hangover.  Gareth Southgate is such a legend he has done wonders with our team i hope hes manager for a long time to come.....If brazil get knocked out by belgium i beleive we can win the world cup.....But first things first got to rest and get ready for sweden on saturay night gonna be a hell of a game.  Colombians should be ashamed of their team no fair play award for them thats for sure.... Last nights made me think its not about gambling for me at the mo just enjoy the world cup for what it is and that should take me a long to two weeks gamble and alcohol free....Thinking ill either watch the game in brighton on the beach or at home (im superstituos and we won well last night so probably do the same again to make sure we play well again....plus if i go brighton ill drink thats for sure.  WHAT A GAME

Posted on:
Thu, 05/07/2018 - 21:39

adam123

Joined:
2015-06-09

Another day down five days not drinking and still not a hundred percent, back to work today went pretty well altho took a lot of arguing to persuede my manager it wasn't a sickie. Watch brazil tomo after work and that's gonna be a hell of a game. Feeling pretty good tonight.....just got to detox all the alcohol out my system then my head will feel right.

Posted on:
Thu, 05/07/2018 - 21:40

adam123

Joined:
2015-06-09

O and I'm not an fing robot lol

Posted on:
Fri, 06/07/2018 - 21:17

adam123

Joined:
2015-06-09

Day six no alcohol and day four no gambling and day 551 no ciggerrettes (at least I'm succeeding at one thing. Done my spreadsheet and after mortgage and all bills each month since start of the year I've spent 168 pounds a month on all my socialising and purchases and holidays, pretty good really . Last year it waas 400 a month and the year before well just write off that year about seven to eight hundred a month. That was when i was fully intrench in gambling and went on holiday abroad. Gonna go to gym this weekend, watch England and not drink any alcohol, a new fresh start. So far this year I've spent minus 86 pounds on gambling and that's where its staying.

Posted on:
Sat, 07/07/2018 - 23:18

adam123

Joined:
2015-06-09

A great day today, didn't drink, didn't gamble, didn't smoke, England won and just going to bed .

Posted on:
Sun, 08/07/2018 - 10:46

Ukds69

Joined:
2018-04-28

adam123 wrote:

well if I thought I had a problem before the weekend I know ive got a problem now....thursday night watched England round a mates no problem then day off Friday went to town looked round shops then phoned a friend to meet me in club.... Two hours later ive been to cash point four times and pumped one hundred and forty in machine, luckily was down to twenty pound credit and I won two undred.... Then went home and then back out to club for poker Friday night came out evens. Such a bad turn of events, I know I cant go to club without playing on fruit machines

Hi Adam, great to see things have improved over recent days. Best of luck in keep it going.

Jus a comment on this previous posting though. You said it was lucky you won a couple of hundred when you were down to 20. I know that mindset only too well. It took me years to understand it was way worse to win than to lose. Only a CG truly understands that ridiculous comment! :-)

Posted on:
Sun, 08/07/2018 - 21:54

adam123

Joined:
2015-06-09

​so true if only I hadn't won that first time I played a fruit machine I might not be here now. Well I'm at the end of the weekend and I haven't gambled and haven't drunk any alcohol. So that's day eight no alcohol and day six no gambling. Off to see my consultant tomo morning before work, been wondering what caused the voices after the game Tuesday night. Was it the alcohol on the Saturday before, was it the return to gambling, Was it the

Posted on:
Sun, 08/07/2018 - 21:58

adam123

Joined:
2015-06-09

Excitment of winning the game.i was very emotional after the drinks on the Saturday and it was a very big hangover but I've been there before..... So not drinking again for a while now and going to ask her what amount of alcohol is alright with my medication...

Posted on:
Sun, 08/07/2018 - 22:02

adam123

Joined:
2015-06-09

Money is being managed well at the mo, enjoying the world cup and the weather. . Planning to go on the short break in Sept or Oct maybe a road trip....was good when I done it last year so will look forward to that. The other cause could be that I went round a friends flat and as they were smoking weed I got them to do it in a different room, maybe I'm passively taking it in, but that's only a thought prob not

Posted on:
Mon, 09/07/2018 - 10:35

adam123

Joined:
2015-06-09

Another day here we go, off to doctors in a minute then to work. Looking forward to the finale of this world cup its been a blinder.

Posted on:
Tue, 10/07/2018 - 11:35

adam123

Joined:
2015-06-09

So I've started going back to my five pound Monday night tourneys at the club, its pretty fun and is only a tenner for a nights entertainment, as long as I don't go on the fruit machines ..... its gonna mean I'm not going to count my days not gambling anymore however I'm going to give it a go for a season and see how it pans out, must be disciplined tho.

Posted on:
Mon, 16/07/2018 - 10:48

adam123

Joined:
2015-06-09

So today is day two of not gambling and not drinking. Decided to knock the poker on the head. Hoping this will lead to spending less over the course of this year. Off to work I go.

Posted on:
Thu, 19/07/2018 - 22:28

adam123

Joined:
2015-06-09

Well another week at work almost complete. Off to work tomo, then gym after, been invited to poker game tomo night but declined. Probably go to town Saturday morning for a coffee then have a look in charity shops as usual for cds and DVDs. Only on day three of not gambling at mo and day five of no drinking but glad that I'm succeeding at not smoking, currently on day 564 horray. So many vices to keep track off. Changing how I take my medication next month, instead of tablets every day I'm having an injection once a month, should make it easier. A quiet life is the best life in my opinion.

Posted on:
Fri, 20/07/2018 - 10:59

Stephen The Strong

Joined:
2017-05-10

Thank you Adam for your kind words posted on the Guru Challenge.

Big congratulations on 564 days since you stopped smoking. That is excellent, I stopped 17 years ago,  detest it and don't miss it one bit. Hopefully one day I will feel the same way about gambling.

It is certainly a difficult road to travel and sometimes we are not too sure just what we want to do with our lives. I wish you well on your journey and hope you have good adventures along the way. None of us will get out of this alive so we might just as well savour the experience, have a few laughs and enjoy the ride.

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