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a different 2018

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#1 Posted on:
Mon, 18/12/2017 - 22:41

adam123

Joined:
2015-06-09

So I've been a member here since 2015 and I have taken a couple of years with hundreds of relapses to firstly get the right blocks in place and secondly to realise like soo many on here that I cant control my gambling. I have to give it up completely and all its surroundings. I have all possible blocks now I went years of excluding from all possible online sites to realise that the only way to sto garaunteed online is to put proper blocks in place. I now cannot get into gambling sites online which is a big relief. I also cant now go in a uk casino which is a big relief as I've joined the sense program. Ive also phoned and sent my photo for excluding from my local casinos. Another big relief if its not accessible I wont be able to gamble. Now for the past two years I've played poker in pubs not advissible but when I have that itch at small stakes I thought I could do this. Problem is the slot machines in pubs. Id go to poker play and if I lost id majority of time lose more on machines. Id be going into overdraft each time if I won it would go back in next time plus more. I have thought many times probably every two weeks that's it then when that feeling of dread stopped id repeat the cycle. Ive done this over and over and I'm drained. I can meet new friends thru other places than pubs and I know that if I stop going to pubs theres no chance I'm gambling at all. So next step starting tomo I'm going to gym and enjoying my time off work and mnot thinking about getting an extra buck quickly for not any work. If I want money I have to earn it. In 2016 I spent 4000 gambling, in 2017 ive spent 1600 and in 2018 ive spent nothing that sounds good to me. Any suggestions welcome. Adam

Posted on:
Tue, 19/12/2017 - 03:47

Lh8609

Joined:
2017-11-20

Sounds like your doing all the right things mate, I'm with you for a gamble free 2018 and every year after that! I'm just trying to keep busy when I get that urge to try and find a new site to play on. I'm on day 4 now and feeling better by the day but I know this is a long process.

Stay strong! X

Posted on:
Tue, 19/12/2017 - 17:15

adam123

Joined:
2015-06-09

Hi lth thanks for the post, no gambling today thankfully, poker tonight but for the first time in not going. Went to gym today and about to sort my tax out for the year. Another outgoing but got to get it sorted. Nextt tomo I'm going to do some classes might give Pilates a go. Here's to a happy week. Thanks again for the post I'm keeping busy to keep my mind off things

Posted on:
Tue, 19/12/2017 - 17:58

Lh8609

Joined:
2017-11-20

I had a fleeting urge earlier but I let it pass. Got money going in my account tonight and Thursday night so I'm going to pay all my bills out straight away. Going to be a testing time now the kids are off school for 3 weeks stressing me out!
Good idea not going to poker, stay away from temptation pal.

Posted on:
Tue, 19/12/2017 - 18:10

sjw

Joined:
2017-10-27

Hello Adam.

Good call to not go to poker. Looking for other things to do is exactly what you should do. We get so wrapped up in gambling its like we forget how much more there is to do out there. Things we can actually enjoy and won't cost us everything we have and more.

Also don't just look at it as taking your mind off gambling, its about putting your mind to other things. You might surprise yourself finding something you really love doing that you've not even considered.

All the best mate.

Posted on:
Tue, 19/12/2017 - 22:43

adam123

Joined:
2015-06-09

Thanks for the posts looking forward to tomo, lots to do

Posted on:
Sat, 23/12/2017 - 00:53

adam123

Joined:
2015-06-09

So I've done it again, spent about twenty pounds in pub then on my way back thought id go on my own to another pub with the intention of putting twenty on fruit machine. Then twenty five down, twenty five down, then thirty down, then thirty down, card got declined then back home completely hammered

​really this is the end of me 135 down tonight. I'm just lucky I don't have access to online gambling or I could be worse off. This is it for me I cant control myself.

Posted on:
Sat, 23/12/2017 - 04:54

Nicenormalfamily

Joined:
2017-12-15

If you keep telling yourself you can't control you probably never could. Some positive thinking is required, Adam, and by the looks you've taken some good measures to finaly overcome your addiction. Don't give up and come back tomorrow to report day 1 gf. 

Posted on:
Sun, 24/12/2017 - 22:24

adam123

Joined:
2015-06-09

Hi nice, a gamble free day today thankfully. Tomo is Christmas day and in a week its 2018. 2018 is my year the slate will be clean. In 2017 I spent a total of 1500 on gambling I'm not proud of that, it was my entertainment three nights a week. This is five weeks wages out of the year gone. In 2018 I haven't spent a penny on gambling, is the price of a few trophies worth five weeks wages definitely not.

Posted on:
Thu, 28/12/2017 - 00:01

adam123

Joined:
2015-06-09

Well another day down, was tempted to go and play poker but I have one pound in my bank account and theres no way I'm going into my overdraft. I get paid Friday and going to transfer extra cash to dad again then get money from him when needed. Its coming to the start of 2018, and there are invitations to various poker games at the start of the year plus the usual Mon, the and Thursday weekly games ive played lots over the past two years. Money asside I have made a lot of good friends playing these games and haven't lost much but the temptation that is fruit machines will always see me losing my hard earned money time and time again. So ill stop for the first month of January (an achievable goal) then see how this affects me. I think ill have some serious urges to deal with but hopefully its for the best.i actually got paid a full months wage which is good even tho I only worked three weeks December however I think this will mean less money in January.

Posted on:
Thu, 28/12/2017 - 23:50

adam123

Joined:
2015-06-09

Another day down and still gamble freeday five

Posted on:
Sat, 30/12/2017 - 23:56

adam123

Joined:
2015-06-09

Another day down one week free of gambling

Posted on:
Mon, 01/01/2018 - 20:40

adam123

Joined:
2015-06-09

Hi, so I go back to work tomo after a long rest, will be good to go back and get back into the swing of things. I'm on day nine now and it will get harder and harder untill the effects of not feeding the urges sink and I no longer feel the urge to gamble. Ive successfully nof smoked for a year now which is great. I have an app and ive saved 1400 pojndz by not smoking and that's the same amount iv ed spent on gambling this year. So now if I had smoked and not gambled in 2017 id be in the same financial position so that is good. It will get hard now as poker games start this week and business as usual with regards to urges. I am proud that ive lasted over a week and that I'm improving. I'm going to put twenty pounds in a jar on Mondays, ten on Tuesday and twenty on Thursdays and put it towards holidays. Its a garanteed way of saving money and a garanteed way of not making a loss. I'm on my last week this week oc being on performance management so hopefully on the nineth on Jan I will find out that my jobs secure. Its not going well at work currently but ic I put in the effort every day hopefully I should bs able to stay. If not then I will find a new job asap . I'm not fussy anything that pays minimum wage is enough for me to pay bills and keep a roof over my head.

Posted on:
Thu, 04/01/2018 - 23:28

adam123

Joined:
2015-06-09

So one more day at work tomo then a weekend off. Been a terrible week at work, long days, stress from manager, been ill all week , but I'm happy with all this as I've remained gamble free. Ivd already turned down opportunities to gamble probably seven days out of the twelve each time I made excuses as to why I wasn't going but I will eventually say I just don't go anymore . I can meet my poker mates for drinks (in a pub with no fruit machine) but I will not go in a pub with one as I know after a few drinks if left on my own ill see the flashing lights and momonteryly forget about all the terrible results they bring. Happy new year people.

Posted on:
Sat, 06/01/2018 - 20:02

adam123

Joined:
2015-06-09

So I'm ill this weekend so not going out. Still gamble free tho which is a good bonus horray.managed to say no to two more poker games

Posted on:
Sat, 13/01/2018 - 02:02

adam123

Joined:
2015-06-09

So a week later and still gamble free horray. Found out today from my doctor that I cant drink with my medication, they have never told me this before so its a bit of a suprise. This means theres no reason to go to any places with gambling anymore. This alsothe

Posted on:
Sun, 28/01/2018 - 18:36

adam123

Joined:
2015-06-09

Hello neglected diary thought id give u some time. Been off work with stress since about fifth Jan. I'm diagnosed skitsophrenic and stress at work has caused me too hear voices again and believe in a life that's not real. Ive been thinking a lot through this time off about what I should do with my life and what needs to be done. So when first ill I had a severe cough and when I chewed a nicotine gum id cough and throw up so after a few times I learnt to not have nicotine gum anymore and I still don't result. Then I told my mum about the fruit machines and gamcare and along with how late the poker nights go on for on a school night and the fact I'm no longer allowed to drink alcohol due to medication everything pointed in the direction of no pubs and no poker full stop. So a new tee total Adam is on the cards. Ive been off work and at the gym a lot lost some weight and built up some muscles.

Posted on:
Sun, 28/01/2018 - 18:43

adam123

Joined:
2015-06-09

So what's the new aim, what would I like from life. Id like to be healthy full stop, that's the only thing I wish for everything else is just icing on the cake. If I can get my medication right, not hear voices and see things and not lay in bed not sleeping then ill be in a better place. I think I've now stopped gambling and have pretty much stopped everything. When I go back to work I hope to be treated well and thus not be stressed inside and outside of work. Ive spent all my money this month on gym clothes DVDs and cads from charity shops a long with a number of coffees very healthy tangible objects bought with a bit of money and nothing spent on something not tangible result.

Posted on:
Sun, 28/01/2018 - 21:19

Forum admin

Joined:
2010-11-01

Hi Adam,

sorry to hear you have been ill and have been struggling a bit. It sounds however that you have turned this episode into something quite positive and have been reflecting on where you want to be, how you would like to be moving forward. 

Well done for coming clean to your mom, I appreciate this has not been easy for you. 

Wishing you speedy recovery from your episode and keep up the positive and constructive journey forward.

All the best,

Eva

Forum Admin

Posted on:
Sun, 28/01/2018 - 22:52

Little miss lost

Joined:
2016-05-24

Hi Adam,
I wish you success in achieving your aim to be healthy and hope you manage to get your medication sorted out sooner rather than later.
Good to see you've got something to show for your money this month.
You're still gamble free in 2018!! Long may you continue to be.
Take care x

Posted on:
Mon, 29/01/2018 - 15:55

adam123

Joined:
2015-06-09

Hi Eva and little miss lost, thank you very much for taking the time to post means a lot. If I could sum up my life so far into a word or sentance it would be "lived it, tried everythingsoo now what

Posted on:
Mon, 29/01/2018 - 16:05

adam123

Joined:
2015-06-09

I'm in quite a reflective mood today I'm glad to Sa the voices have lessoned for two days and I'm feeling normal again. I'm happy this episode has brought me a new part of my life. A fresh start. If work doesn't work out then so be it I'm not going to stress myself out about it lifes too short. Being hearing about the successes friends of mine have made of their lives and cant help but feel nostalgic about how well my life was going before I became ill the first time about eight years ago. I was successful at work lived away from my parents and was enjoying life albeit a bit tooooo much lol. Well now I'm not smoking weed six years clear, not smoking cigerettes one year clear, not drinking alcohol one month clear, not gambling 37 days clear. Going to the gym every day losing weight. buthow long can this last I don't know for sure but it feels good at the mo. One step at a time just got to focus on getting better... Thanks again for posting.

Posted on:
Tue, 30/01/2018 - 15:15

adam123

Joined:
2015-06-09

Another day where I have no voices horray. Gambling couldn't be further from my mind horray. I'm at my sisters at the moment waiting for my nephew to finish school. I'm soo tight with money I don't know how I managed to spend soo much on gambling, I gues its because u think theres a chance u might get more back, but lets face it who actually does get more back not many I gues. Oh well I'm not doing it anymore so that's a start

Posted on:
Fri, 02/02/2018 - 14:34

adam123

Joined:
2015-06-09

So another couple of days done and no gambling horray. Just got back from doctor and swimming. I'm off work till twelth .

Posted on:
Fri, 02/02/2018 - 14:39

Took a wrong turn

Joined:
2012-02-22

Nice one Adam!

Wilsy

Posted on:
Fri, 02/02/2018 - 15:26

adam123

Joined:
2015-06-09

Cheers wilsy ive seen u pop up on some other diaries offering advice so well done and thank you, adam

Posted on:
Fri, 02/02/2018 - 15:30

Took a wrong turn

Joined:
2012-02-22

Just realise people need lifts and support, I'm not great at handing out the advice because I don't know the answers. No worries mate, keep up the good work 

Posted on:
Fri, 02/02/2018 - 17:31

adam123

Joined:
2015-06-09

Cheers wilsy will do its amazing what some postivity can do.

Posted on:
Sun, 04/02/2018 - 19:11

adam123

Joined:
2015-06-09

Well today marked the day I got back into society. I woke up at eleven and thought its sunny lets play golf, texted a friend then he picked me up and we went for nine holes. Then got back and texted another friend who was watching the spurs liverpool game at home , so I drove over and watched it, then back home for a curry and bath and feel on top of the world. Suprising what a bit of social activity can do. Proper good day. Here's to many more.

Posted on:
Sun, 04/02/2018 - 19:16

sjw

Joined:
2017-10-27

Hello Adam,

Really good to hear from you and you're sounding really positive about your future now! Its great to hear. You can have a good life without the need for putting temptation in the way. You realise that you can make the changes that can REALLY change your life for the better.

Keep at it mate =)

Posted on:
Mon, 05/02/2018 - 19:04

adam123

Joined:
2015-06-09

Thank you sj great to get some words of encouragement. Just

from gym, signed up again 54 pounds a month bit pricey but a well spent money in my eyes gym gonna keep me out of mischief. Done my twenty mins cycling then weights then drove back for dinner. Days are flying by at the mo as I'm not at work. Back to work next Monday. Got to be ready fit and healthy and rested fullbf beans.

Posted on:
Mon, 05/02/2018 - 19:17

Mixer

Joined:
2016-12-03

Hi Adam - you're doing great, my friend. This matters - and you really know that. It's been a pleasure to read your diary and the progress you're making. You know this isn't easy; it requires dedication, determination and the right steps in place. But you're doing great :)

 

Posted on:
Tue, 06/02/2018 - 10:49

Took a wrong turn

Joined:
2012-02-22

Have a great day Adam!

Wilsy

Posted on:
Tue, 06/02/2018 - 13:30

adam123

Joined:
2015-06-09

cheers wilsy and mixer

Wilsy wrote:

Have a great day Adam!

Wilsy

Posted on:
Tue, 06/02/2018 - 22:30

Crossintheroad

Joined:
2017-11-03

Well done Adam great things are looking up. Keep at it and keep positive week on week it all gets easier and life a little better. Will check back regular and hopefully see further improvements

Posted on:
Thu, 08/02/2018 - 20:06

adam123

Joined:
2015-06-09

Cheers cross in the road, funny how ur user name strikes a nerve, after all this time on here being unsuccessful ive taken a dramatic turn in the road in the other direction and my gambling free run has dramatically improved. Back to work for a meeting Monday to discuss a path I can go down at work if any. Hopefully this will be a stress free path with prospects but I'm just happy to ve healthy and employed. Happy weekend people.

Posted on:
Sun, 11/02/2018 - 19:28

adam123

Joined:
2015-06-09

Back to work tomo and a bit nervous, got a meeting at eleven to discus things.

Posted on:
Tue, 13/02/2018 - 18:59

adam123

Joined:
2015-06-09

I have come to realise that I come from a very privalidged background. My parents have allways been here for me, I went thru school, college and unniversity. There was allways food on the table. There was allways money for bills. My parents worked had for this and ill take nothing away from their efforts for my sister and I. But I feel that I have got a head start over a hell of a lot of other kids who didn't have this start in life. I feel thru smoking weed brought on mainly thru peer pressure and neglecting my health ive then wasted this headstart and now fight for a position at work . They Say at work yesterday I'm disabled due to having this mental health issue skitsophrenia over twelve months. And all because I smoked in mg youth. What a waste of a great head start. I work work hard and try to donate money to good causes in order to give back what I can to the underprivalidged who wouldn't take tho gift for granted so they can make a success of themselves.

Posted on:
Sun, 18/02/2018 - 21:55

adam123

Joined:
2015-06-09

Another week gamble free, another week where ive managed and not even thought of placing a bet, horray I'm starting to believe I can do this. This weekend went to gym after work Friday, then stayed I.n Friday night. Then Saturday went to gym then round a mates for a curry. He's moving to Brighton next weekend so I'm helping him move. Its a shame nearly all close friends have moved away. Theres only four of us left in the town we grew up in. Ive moved away before for a few years but I couldn't see myself living anywhere else at the moment. I cant see myself living away from my parents. I just don't think id cope and if I had a mental relapse god knows how id cope on my own. Id defo lose my job and maybe everything else. I'm thankful to have a job something to ocopy the daytime then I'm thankful for a loving family and friends. Here's to all the people who give a dambn about us.. These people matter. They mean more than everything else. Money really isn't important. If I was successful and earnt a lot would it change my life well yes id have more things and a big house and more holidays. But do u really want or need those things not really I think the happiest people are the ones like budists who don't want tangible objects. I am on even less money now. Soo much so that I wont pay any tax at all I think. I'll work my hardest and earn this and cut back majorly on my spending. This month I've paid for gym then spent twenty pounds on coffees and that's it, I don't need anything else at the moment. I'm not successful I'm not a high flyer but I put my effort into my job and i like to tthinn I contribute a lot

Posted on:
Sun, 18/02/2018 - 22:04

sjw

Joined:
2017-10-27

Adam,

Seriously mate, you are making so much progress. Im so glad to read how you are finding ways to live a better life away from gambling. It's early days and you have to be on your guard but you have such a refreshing new attitude to this and im so pleased for you.

You say it all, money isn't what its about. Its about finding that life we can love to live. That person we really are.

Keep doing what you are doing and keep putting it down here. Made my weekend to read another positive post from you!

All the best =)

Posted on:
Mon, 19/02/2018 - 11:29

adam123

Joined:
2015-06-09

Thanks sj for the advice and being here I really feel ive turned a corner.

Posted on:
Mon, 19/02/2018 - 11:36

Took a wrong turn

Joined:
2012-02-22

Nice one Adam

Wilsy

Posted on:
Mon, 19/02/2018 - 19:40

adam123

Joined:
2015-06-09

Cheers wilsey, back from work just had dinner about to go to gym to work away any of the days stress.

Posted on:
Tue, 20/02/2018 - 19:46

adam123

Joined:
2015-06-09

Another day down, went to work then went to gym with mum for the fifth day in a row, boy we are getting fit and healthy. I wouldn't say work is going perfect far from it

Posted on:
Sun, 25/02/2018 - 22:28

adam123

Joined:
2015-06-09

Hello, another week down, nothing exciting to add, just business as usual, ill take a boring post over a relapse and an interesting post any day of the weeek.

Posted on:
Sun, 25/02/2018 - 22:39

sjw

Joined:
2017-10-27

64 days already huh? Well done mate, keep it going.

Posted on:
Tue, 27/02/2018 - 21:33

adam123

Joined:
2015-06-09

Read a post tonight on how well us compulsive gamblers can survive on next to no money each month after wasting countless hundreds on gambling. Its soo true id think nothing of putting twenty Ina fruit machine infact I thought I was lucky when I only put that in. The fact that that day id earnt only sixty never entered my mind it ws the thrill of it the chase the upps and downs just pointless. I never actually won because I played them three or four times a week. So over the two months I've not been to pub instead of spending four hundred on my socialising ive spent first monthj January 135 pounds and February 104 pounds including gym membership 54 pounds. Result all those years of watching what I spend is coming into fruition if that's the word lol horray

Posted on:
Tue, 27/02/2018 - 23:37

sjw

Joined:
2017-10-27

We sure can. I often struggle with trying to spend more on myself in particular. Im not shy when it comes to treating others but i seem to live on a shoestring as my default setting!

Posted on:
Wed, 28/02/2018 - 18:54

degenerate

Joined:
2013-05-10

I was the same. Every single month I managed to get through 29 days of the month surviving on my last few quid. I knew what all my money was going to be spent on. My life without gambling is completely different. I overspend all the time. Lots of nice restaurant meals, a few quid on a single protein bar and lots of new gear. 

Posted on:
Wed, 28/02/2018 - 19:21

adam123

Joined:
2015-06-09

Cheers sj for posting on my diary, cheers degen

Posted on:
Sat, 03/03/2018 - 15:57

adam123

Joined:
2015-06-09

Hello its the weekend and I'm staying in in the cold. Just been to the gym for an hour and settling down with a cup of tea and some tunes. Sixty days down roll on 100.

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