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Posted on:
Wed, 12/04/2017 - 14:02

Phil72

Joined:
2016-10-07

Good word and best wishes, Phil

Posted on:
Wed, 12/04/2017 - 14:31

ODAAT

Joined:
2014-11-10

Q: Quirky

& not just me!  We all have our own little quirks & the NM mmm, mmm, mmm-ing like he's just had a delicious meal, for no apparent reason, is just that & doesn't need me freaking out @ him when he does it.

Posted on:
Wed, 12/04/2017 - 14:39

Markman

Joined:
2011-12-14

Quaff: Completey irrelevant word, but I like it.

Posted on:
Wed, 12/04/2017 - 14:43

Phil72

Joined:
2016-10-07

I thought Q would be difficult but no! Great contributions!

Posted on:
Wed, 12/04/2017 - 20:16

Phil72

Joined:
2016-10-07

Hello, thanks for all the contributions today. I'm getting ok with my present situation and have time to reflect. I have heightened emotions and erratic behaviour due to coming off long-term dependency on tranquillisers as well as addressing the gambling but that is no excuse for any of what I believe as an individual has been inappropriate behaviour here or elsewhere. I've taken onboard lots of things online and in-person but have to accept my mistakes, chatroom exclusion and moderation. The main thing - on this forum - is I am still bet-free in my own way. Also strangely, I'm kind of glad I'm being moderated as it makes me more careful and considerate about my diary entries although I don't think 99 per cent of the time I said anything offensive on my diary. Best wishes to everyone and again please constructive criticism welcome but nothing else as I am still quite upset, Phil.

Posted on:
Thu, 13/04/2017 - 10:00

Phil72

Joined:
2016-10-07

Same here and thanks for the contribution. R - realisation

Posted on:
Thu, 13/04/2017 - 11:35

Our Lady

Joined:
2017-02-21

R = Rooting - for all on here to remain strong and g.f!

Our Lady 

Posted on:
Thu, 13/04/2017 - 11:38

Phil72

Joined:
2016-10-07

Nice, Our Lady. Thank you.

Posted on:
Thu, 13/04/2017 - 15:53

ODAAT

Joined:
2014-11-10

R: Rollercoaster 

of emotions but understandable after so many years in hell.

Posted on:
Thu, 13/04/2017 - 17:32

Phil72

Joined:
2016-10-07

Great contribution. Thanks ODAAT!

Posted on:
Thu, 13/04/2017 - 17:33

Phil72

Joined:
2016-10-07

And Our Lady

Posted on:
Thu, 13/04/2017 - 19:35

Phil72

Joined:
2016-10-07

Hello - hope everyone is OK. It does feel weird not being able to join the chat but as I posted before that is the bitter pill I have to swallow and accept. In some respects I think I became dependent on the chatroom but genuinely feel I wanted to help other recovering CGs in my own clumsy way but accept the provocative comments I made were wrong and spiteful apart from one which I tried to explain about but the topic is now locked - fair enough. Anyway, another day bet-free, reflecting on my behaviour (somewhat lonely) and hope no-one will respond in a hostile way as I am just expressing my feelings and learning curve and am still upset to some extent. Best wishes to all in recovery - whatever way the journey is going. Phil.

Posted on:
Thu, 13/04/2017 - 23:34

ODAAT

Joined:
2014-11-10

It is lonely doing this @ times, especially when we're trying to make sense of our spinning emotions with our addict's brain.  Betting will not help you be a better person so keep reflecting & if possible use the time wisely, either looking after yourself or with others.  Hopefully by the time you return you will be able to see how comments can be painful no matter how well intended & misconstrued, especially as words on a page with no body language besides them.  

The only person you have to help is you, wanting to help others is great but don't let it define you.

Posted on:
Fri, 14/04/2017 - 00:57

Our Lady

Joined:
2017-02-21

S = Solace - instead of the madness of gambling!

Posted on:
Fri, 14/04/2017 - 04:55

ODAAT

Joined:
2014-11-10

S: Sheeite

because the grown up word for poop is banned.

Posted on:
Fri, 14/04/2017 - 09:26

Phil72

Joined:
2016-10-07

Thank you for your comment above ODAAT and to everyone for "S" contributions. I'm going for Stability - which I hope to achieve at some point!

Posted on:
Fri, 14/04/2017 - 12:37

Phil72

Joined:
2016-10-07

My goals for today in no particular order: to be a good husband to my wife who is working a 12-hour shift, to be honest and considerate, have a bit of fun with my friends, do at least a third of The Times crossword, not gamble, reflect (not dwell) on recent events and - if it happens - help anyone in need cross the road (!)

Posted on:
Fri, 14/04/2017 - 20:06

Phil72

Joined:
2016-10-07

Dear diary: I achieved all of the above AND managed half of The Times crossword but didn't help anyone in need cross the road. More importantly, I helped a friend in "crisis" hopefully with a different issue and had no interest in betting despite briefly being in a pub with racing on which made me feel a bit uncomfortable. I'm reflecting on recent events still but I'm ok although still obviously a bit upset and will hopefully be back chatting with a different approach and without the chip on my shoulder I think I sometimes had. All the best, Phil.

Posted on:
Sat, 15/04/2017 - 10:45

Phil72

Joined:
2016-10-07

Thank you. I'm going for Tenacity. Best wishes, Phil

Posted on:
Sat, 15/04/2017 - 12:42

Phil72

Joined:
2016-10-07

Today I will spend a lot of time on my own but I am committed in my own way to not gamble. My wife is doing a long shift and lots of my friends are at the Millennium Stadium for "Judgement Day" - as spectors, a cameraman and a steward. I have also been putting thought into attending GA's one and only Cardiff meeting next Thursday. Best wishes, Phil.

Posted on:
Sat, 15/04/2017 - 12:52

ODAAT

Joined:
2014-11-10

T: Today

because this is the day that matters the most!

Posted on:
Sat, 15/04/2017 - 13:53

Phil72

Joined:
2016-10-07

Thank you ODAAT

Posted on:
Sat, 15/04/2017 - 19:32

Our Lady

Joined:
2017-02-21

T = Thankful - for the things I have got instead of the things I haven't!

Our Lady 

Posted on:
Sat, 15/04/2017 - 19:52

Phil72

Joined:
2016-10-07

Thank you Our Lady. Best wishes, Phil

Posted on:
Sun, 16/04/2017 - 01:55

ODAAT

Joined:
2014-11-10

U: Umbrella

Because that's what we need sometimes on this site to avoid the flying sheeite bricks.

Posted on:
Sun, 16/04/2017 - 11:31

Phil72

Joined:
2016-10-07

Unity - which I would like to achieve with fellow recovering CGs. Thanks for the contributions above. Phil.

 

Posted on:
Sun, 16/04/2017 - 23:04

Our Lady

Joined:
2017-02-21

Ugly - gambling - enough said!

Our Lady 

Posted on:
Mon, 17/04/2017 - 10:35

Phil72

Joined:
2016-10-07

Valuing - marriage, relationships and friendships. Cheers, Phil.

Posted on:
Mon, 17/04/2017 - 14:58

ODAAT

Joined:
2014-11-10

V: Variety

since I no longer spend all of my 'down time' & too much of the 'up' in front of a machine or 3!

Posted on:
Mon, 17/04/2017 - 15:25

Phil72

Joined:
2016-10-07

Thank you ODAAT

Posted on:
Tue, 18/04/2017 - 06:51

ODAAT

Joined:
2014-11-10

W: Win

Something I do every day I don't place that 1st bet.

Posted on:
Tue, 18/04/2017 - 09:48

Phil72

Joined:
2016-10-07

Willingness - to listen and learn which I have often not done in the last 14 months

Posted on:
Tue, 18/04/2017 - 19:43

Our Lady

Joined:
2017-02-21

Wisdom - to know that gambling excessively is not good for the soul (or the bank balance)!!

Our Lady 

Posted on:
Tue, 18/04/2017 - 21:10

Phil72

Joined:
2016-10-07

Thank you Our Lady.

Posted on:
Wed, 19/04/2017 - 01:02

ODAAT

Joined:
2014-11-10

X: x

because I do occasionally use them now :-)

Posted on:
Wed, 19/04/2017 - 11:21

Phil72

Joined:
2016-10-07

As we head towards the finishing line we have some tough letters coming up so thank you for the contributions! X - I'm stumped!

Posted on:
Wed, 19/04/2017 - 11:39

Phil72

Joined:
2016-10-07

Could cheat but I'd rather not!

Posted on:
Wed, 19/04/2017 - 13:06

Phil72

Joined:
2016-10-07

As Americans say and more common over here - "my bad". I cheated! X- Xenacious: Filled with yearning for change.

Posted on:
Thu, 20/04/2017 - 04:04

ODAAT

Joined:
2014-11-10

Y: Yearn

Following on from yours Phil, also a bit of a cheat because I'm talking about it in the negative, as the sweet release I have now compared to the early days.  Gambling is something I don't do anymore & it doesn't matter that I don't, I no longer yearn to be able to & that's why recovery is worth every single step.

Wonder why there are less words @ the end of the alphabet...You think the Masters that gave us words just got lazy?

Posted on:
Thu, 20/04/2017 - 10:22

Phil72

Joined:
2016-10-07

No idea but thanks for the contributions! Y -Yawny (cheated!) - prone to yawning like when I glimpse a horse race on TV...one day at a time.

Posted on:
Thu, 20/04/2017 - 20:14

Phil72

Joined:
2016-10-07

I realised today that irrespective of other people's opinions on the definition of the word "recovery" I AM in recovery. Why? I spoke to someone face to face from a specific charity for people with different "poisons" about the final part of my journey coming off tranquillisers which after a 15 year dependency - 14 months ago - which was linked to gambling and a messed up head and she said "WOW", you have done so well. I wasn't looking for validation but it was a good thing to hear. I realised that during the last part of coming off those horrible pills I needed additional help apart from my GP and I found a charity in Cardiff. It was very helpful and I also talked with a very nice person about the betting. It is peer to peer support and my God to be able to discuss with a recovering addict (her poison I don't know) was amazing - there are so many similarities. So I will get some coaching - not counselling - how to deal with my physical symptoms and thoughts over the next two months as I finally come off that horrible drug and continue to stay bet-free and build on my foundations which have been wobbly in terms of behaviour at times which I apologise for. Last April - 40mg of Valium a day, now 9mg but it has been tough and without justification I think explains some of my erratic behaviour. Best wishes, Phil.

Posted on:
Fri, 21/04/2017 - 09:37

Phil72

Joined:
2016-10-07

Deleted

Posted on:
Fri, 21/04/2017 - 09:38

Phil72

Joined:
2016-10-07

Zeal - eagerness to continue the journey and learn and grow.

Posted on:
Fri, 21/04/2017 - 20:42

Phil72

Joined:
2016-10-07

Hi. Thanks for all the contributions to my A-Z recovery thread. It was great to get so many contributions. We now have 3 hours and 19 minutes left! Best wishes and another day bet-free and IN recovery, Phil.

Posted on:
Sat, 22/04/2017 - 07:26

ODAAT

Joined:
2014-11-10

Z: Zzz

because I'm late & because I love sleeping soooo much! 

Posted on:
Sat, 22/04/2017 - 10:28

Phil72

Joined:
2016-10-07

ODAAT thanks for your belated contribition (!) and to everyone else who contributed to the A-Z challenge! Best wishes and here's to another bet-free day. Phil

Posted on:
Wed, 26/04/2017 - 11:59

Phil72

Joined:
2016-10-07

Hello, just checking in after a few days of quietness and reflection to say I'm still (happily) bet-free, coming off awful pills and taking lots of things one day at a time. Best wishes, Phil.

Posted on:
Wed, 26/04/2017 - 20:39

Phil72

Joined:
2016-10-07

Evening. Some thoughts. Everything I did gambling compulsively with no fun involved was no-one else's fault but mine. My wife, stress, anxiety, arguments, my background - all me.If you gambled "just" because you were bored or could afford the losses and there were no underlying issues - and you stopped great. In my opinion, having looked at another thread that if you genuinely want to stop gambling - day one with all that garbage in your face; newspapers, adverts, internet, bookies etc. you can stop one day at a time as I have done with all the realisations I have erm...realised (!). Thirty five years ago - and I'm not comparing like for like but I am some what - my mum smoked 40 cigarettes a day and stopped despite in those days you could smoke in pubs, shops, lots of advertising especially sports. My point it is it was in your face like today's gambling. Making that committment as hard has it can be and I'm still a newbie is the start of a new life whatever path you choose.

Just my view. Best wishes, Phil.

Posted on:
Thu, 27/04/2017 - 13:08

Phil72

Joined:
2016-10-07

Payday tomorrow and I'm already working out my budget for the next month. One of the main reasons is taking responsibility for my actions and also to get several companies off my back as I have to pay a substantial amount of money through StepChange to my creditors. I used to think of it as a bitter pill I had to swallow - i.e. resentment - but now I just see it as something I have to do as part of my journey and at the end of the day I borrowed the money to gamble - nobody forced me to do so. Hopefully I'll be debt-free before the end of the year unless something else turns up like last week....best wishes, Phil.

Posted on:
Sat, 29/04/2017 - 12:09

Phil72

Joined:
2016-10-07

Just been reading some diaries of forum users I'm not familiar with and I was quite surprised at the recurring entries about lost money/re-couping money despite other forum users writing that the money is gone, isn't coming back and financial problems will only get worse as the compulsion continues. If I gambled the loss would be much more than money - friendships, trust (particularly my wife's trust in me which is slowly being re-built), shame and much more. There is a bigger picture than money and it has taken me quite some time to realise - emphatically - that there were other reasons besides boredom, the "buzz" or winning money behind my addicion. I'm still new but I'm learning. Best wishes, Phil.

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