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In complete despair

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#1 Posted on:
Tue, 03/07/2018 - 12:48

Knoc40

Joined:
2018-07-03

Hello Everyone

I have been gambling for over 30 years and yesterday on my 53rd birthday I gambled the money my Mum gave me in a card. My Wife has taken control of our money for the last ten years. Yet I am always looking for a bet. I have never had a prolonged time away from horse racing, football or dogs. I am so impulsive that I will bet on the next race instead of being patient. Yet last night I made a decision not to gamble again, if that is possible. It seems impossible. I have arranged Counselling via Gamcare and I hope it can help me. I love betting on Sports and with the World Cup being on its been hard and now Wimbledon has started. My Wife is very strict and won't give me money to bet which I undersatand but I feel whenever i do get money I will bet, just like last night. Please can you Guys give me some extra support and guidance, any will be gratefully received.

Posted on:
Tue, 03/07/2018 - 16:15

Merry go round

Joined:
2017-06-08

While you choose to gamble no one can help you. When you choose to stop and admit the problem you can get help and support. Betting, gambling whatever you want to call it is a choice.

Posted on:
Wed, 04/07/2018 - 11:55

Knoc40

Joined:
2018-07-03

Thank you, Merry go round. How do you manage to stop gambling?

Posted on:
Wed, 04/07/2018 - 16:31

bluescreen

Joined:
2018-03-13

Hi Knoc40,

welcome to the forum.
To your last question... it's tough, but not impossible. You need a change of mindset to do that. For the likes of you and me the only way out of this is to accept defeat. Let go. We cannot have a bet again. Ever. You need to eventually let that sink in and accept it.

As mgr said, you have a choice. It might not always feel like it, especially when you have money, time and opportunity and the devil on your shoulder is trying to lure you in, but at the end of the day it's your actions that count. The only one who can act on that impulse, and eventually say NO to that next bet, is you. Easier said than done, I know, that's why you need to take measures to stop yourself from gambling, even if you wanted to.

Your wife is managing your money and she's strict with that. Rightly so. We cannot be trusted with money. In fact we can't even trust ourselves on that matter.
Go back to the place where you lost that money and self-exclude straight away. And while you're on it, do that in every venue in your area. In addition to that sign up with Gamstop and install blocking software on your phone and devices, just in case... Next time that voice gives you one of those stupid ideas, it might be good that you can't act on them. I don't want to sound flippant here btw., but you know what I mean. Being one step ahead of yourself is the key...
Maybe you should tell your friends and relatives to give any money presents to your wife or at least tell her when they give it to you. That way she'd know about it and it would make you accountable for the whereabouts of that money.

The difference between half-measures and serious attempts is making sure, in advance, that the next time the urges strike, it will be close to impossible to act on them. The moment you close the loopholes you will be on the right path. Even if it sounds like a worn-out cliché, if you are willing to do that, going gamble-free is achievable indeed.

Not a lecture, mind, just my opinion on that matter.

Welcome aboard. :)

Posted on:
Fri, 06/07/2018 - 11:49

Knoc40

Joined:
2018-07-03

Hi Bluescreen,

Many, many thanks for replying. You talk absolute sense. Yesterday, I self excluded from my two accounts and feel great for doing it. Letting go has always been the most difficult thing to do and accept. I have always hung on, forgave myself and returned within days to gambling. This time feels very different. I never want to place a bet again. I am receiving support from my friends and family and I have my first Counselling session next Tuesday.

Today I will not gamble and that's what i must say to myself every day. Each day I can become stronger and I want to reach small milestones at first such as a week, two weeks without placing a bet.

Thanks again, Bluescreen.

 

 

 

Posted on:
Fri, 06/07/2018 - 17:20

bluescreen

Joined:
2018-03-13

Well done for putting some blocks in place.
That's the right attitude. Small, achievable steps and keeping your guard up. No looking back. You're done with feeling miserable, aren't ya?

Yeh, the feeling of being fed up unfortunately fades way too fast. We soon start deluding ourselves we could handle it, we wouldn't need blocks or any other help. After a while we might well be able to gamble 'responsibly' just like other people do. But... we will never be. We lost the ablity to walk away a long time ago and it will never come back.

I've done the same. Thinking I would just need a break. That's addiction speaking. It doesn't like being locked out and lurks in the background to come back when the waters have calmed. Unfortunately it's much more patient than us.

We leave doors ajar to use them, they need to be shut properly if we want to move forward.

Good start. Keep on going on. :)

Posted on:
Sat, 07/07/2018 - 21:04

Forum admin

Joined:
2010-11-01

Hi Knoc40,

Welcome to the forum, and well done for sharing your story here.

It seems like you’ve finally taken a step in the right direction by doing something about your gambling problem when you’ve been struggling with it for 30 years.

I’m also glad to learn that you’d be starting your counselling sessions soon with Gamcare. Hopefully, that would help  you to come to terms with what you’ve been through with gambling problem, and support you to find a way to move on to a gamble free life.

It’s also good to know you’re getting support from your family and from fellow forum members.

You have the power and determination within you to go for that change, thus I’ll encourage you to go for it without looking back. It works if you follow the advice we offer you.

I wish you the best in your journey to recovery, and please do try and stay in touch so we can continue to support you, and also to know how you’re getting on.

Best wishes,

Beatrice

Posted on:
Mon, 09/07/2018 - 09:36

Knoc40

Joined:
2018-07-03

Hello Bluescreen and Beatrice,

Thank you for your great support. I'm really struggling this morning and feel like I can't cope with things in general. I have support from friends and family yet feel very isolated right now.

It is small steps but I always seem to want to run quicker than I can. I have real deficits in my thinking and hopefully my Counseeling can begin to address them.

 

 

Posted on:
Mon, 09/07/2018 - 15:53

bluescreen

Joined:
2018-03-13

Yeh, patience isn't really one of our strengths...
Coping with what we've done, where it lead us and facing the consequences is a bitter pill to swallow. You can't change the past though, only the here and now. From now on, things will start to improve, slowly but steadily.
Don't isolate. You have a support network - use it. Talk about how you feel. Getting it off your chest helps tremendously.

With that and the counselling you definately are on the right path. Keep it up! :)

Posted on:
Tue, 10/07/2018 - 11:27

Knoc40

Joined:
2018-07-03

Cheers Bluescreen !!

Today I feel a little brighter, going to Counselling later and this is Day 8 of my recovery. I'm so focused on extending my very small milestone each day and will take one day at a time. It does feel great knowing that I have no idea of what horses are running and what the results were. I cannot change my past and I only have today.

 

Posted on:
Wed, 11/07/2018 - 08:26

bluescreen

Joined:
2018-03-13

True, noone needs the stress that comes with (and especially after) gambling.
Relax and take it easy.

You are doing well. :)

Posted on:
Tue, 17/07/2018 - 14:31

Knoc40

Joined:
2018-07-03

Day 15 today !! No motivation to look for money to bet with. I have my second Counselling session tomorrow and the first really helped. I am struggling in some other areas yet I believe if I continue to be gambling free then this will help me move forward.

Red Letter Day today because I am not gambling!!!

Posted on:
Thu, 19/07/2018 - 08:44

bluescreen

Joined:
2018-03-13

Yeh, if we stop gambling, other areas in our life also become much more menageable.

Keep it on. :)