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The beginning of life without gambling

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#1 Posted on:
Tue, 13/02/2018 - 00:40

Spinningout

Joined:
2018-02-12

Day 1 of a journey to hopefully fill my life with more joyful and healthy things rather than the dark cloud of gambling. Day 1 without gambling.

Posted on:
Tue, 13/02/2018 - 10:25

Stephen 67

Joined:
2017-05-10

Gamcare diaries hopefully

Can shine a light and help you see

Madness ruled our gambling ways

With lonely nights and bitter days

Tormented, bruised and left with nowt

The time has come for Spinningout.

 

 

 

Posted on:
Tue, 13/02/2018 - 12:59

Spinningout

Joined:
2018-02-12

Lovely poem, thank you for the support. First day so far a success and working hard to make sure I clear this first hurdle.

Posted on:
Tue, 13/02/2018 - 13:54

Took a wrong turn

Joined:
2012-02-22

Good luck with your journey, small steps and you'll be fine just keep posting, you'll receive support

Wilsy

Posted on:
Tue, 13/02/2018 - 20:05

Spinningout

Joined:
2018-02-12

Got through the first day without gambling. The urge to gamble I could feel which I noticed now that I'm trying to stop. I had to talk myself out of it and focussed on my family to help me. Let's hope this is day 1 of the rest of my life. Thanks for the ongoing support it really helps.

Posted on:
Tue, 13/02/2018 - 20:42

sjw

Joined:
2017-10-27

Hello,

It sounds like gambling is a bit more of a choice then it should be to you. To reach the point of wanting to stop must mean it is a problem to you. Will power is good, for a few days but its rarely ever enough. If you don't have any good solid blocks in place it will be a good idea to get them in now.

Mixer created a great board to help people like yourself. I'll link below. All the best. Stick around theres a lot of good people that will give their time to try help you through this.

http://www.gamcare.org.uk/forum/want-do-something-read

Posted on:
Tue, 13/02/2018 - 23:12

Spinningout

Joined:
2018-02-12

I have watched the video on this forum and read the article. It has helped inspire me and show me of how bad this problem could become. Although my debts are not like the huge figures you hear they are equivalent to almost every penny I earn and could possibly borrow in my circumstance. Though this will be a hard journey I want to change and ask for the ongoing support to help me do this. I thank you all and will update you on my daily progress. Here's to a better tomorrow.

Posted on:
Wed, 14/02/2018 - 02:49

Spinningout

Joined:
2018-02-12

I sit here, at 3am, thinking of all the opportunities I could have had and all I could now have if not for gambling and can't help but feel me beat my self up a little. I have began to face the harsh reality after just one day that my losses over 4 years have exceeded over £20000 at the age of only 22. This is a harsh realisation indeed and one I have hidden from for some time. I continue to fight the urge and not spend what little money I have left on my credit line yo try win some back as I am know this not to be the answer yet my mind is trying to convince me still.

We enter day 2 of the battle in the hope that one day I will win the war. Day 2 of no gambling.

Thank you for all ongoing support and I can feel some weight being lifted as I type these words which no one has ever heard but in my head.

Posted on:
Wed, 14/02/2018 - 10:49

Spinningout

Joined:
2018-02-12

The urge to gamble continues but I have a fire in my belly not to let it win for the first time in 4 years. Long may it continue. Day 2 is early days but for the sake of my family and I, i hope this is the start of a great recovery.

I post this hear as I fear to tell my family the reality that my debt from gambling at age 22 is now £6300 at this time. Various payda y loans aswell as credit cards and even a loan all maxed out which fed this monstrous addiction.

Today I see a very distant light at the end of this lonely tunnel. One day I hope to see it.

Posted on:
Wed, 14/02/2018 - 11:06

Took a wrong turn

Joined:
2012-02-22

Get day 2 over with and it'll become easier after a few weeks. Try not to stress too much about debt just don't add to it by gambling. One hour or one day at a time continue to have that fire in your belly and don't give in to the urges. You can do it and we'll all suport you.

Wilsy

Posted on:
Wed, 14/02/2018 - 20:54

Spinningout

Joined:
2018-02-12

Day 2 without gambling complete. Still feeling the urge but remain strong. All blocks in place with self exclusions and my finances now in my partners hands but I remain part of it by budgeting to pay down my debt.

Each day is a challenge but one I hope I can do one day at a time. I know the real challenge will be the 23rd when my monthly paycheck hits my account and this will be my biggest test so far. I hope for the strength to keep going and ongoing support. I feel with each comment of support I feel more confident to do this so please do continue to comment.

Posted on:
Thu, 15/02/2018 - 11:50

Spinningout

Joined:
2018-02-12

Day3. Watched a panorama on gambling FOBT which are my worst and main gambling addiction. This story of mine is not alone and one of many and I suggest those who have problems with these machines have a watch. We are not alone.

My mind continues to think as one more big win will sort it but I know this isn't true and though I can't stop these thoughts I try to ignore them.

I have now had cash in the bank and not gambled in 3 days which is a first for a while.

I need to not gamble and I intend to. Updates to follow.

Posted on:
Thu, 15/02/2018 - 11:59

merlins

Joined:
2018-02-14

I myself am fighting the battles with guilty feeling I've got from the losses and urge to chase the losses. Hand in there! You and I are in the same boat.

Posted on:
Thu, 15/02/2018 - 19:24

Spinningout

Joined:
2018-02-12

Tonight I will be attending bingo with my partner and friends. Though this is gambling in a form I don't view this as a problem and feel relaxed while playing this. I won't count this as a reset to my days gambling free.

Let the fun begin :)

Posted on:
Thu, 15/02/2018 - 21:13

Stephen 67

Joined:
2017-05-10

Congratulations Spinningout on 3 days gamble free. Celebrating with a visit to the bingo hall might not be everyone's first choice but it is your recovery. I recognise it is a social occasion with your partner and friends but some would consider it a bit risky.

Age 22 with accumulated losses of over £20,000. A debt of £6,300 through loans and credit cards. I think you have suffered enough damage through gambling. It is good though that you continue to fight the urges and have all blocks in place along with self-exclusions. 

Your finances are now in your partners hands but you remain part of it, so you can budget to pay off the debts. Furthermore you are fearful of disclosing to your partner the reality of your debt. This is understandable and I can see you don't wish to cause unnecessary strain on your partner. However many would argue that now is the time to lay all your cards on the table so it can't come back to haunt you.

I wish you well in your recovery and sincerely hope you can get your life back. Please don't underestimate the insidious nature, the cruel deception and the manipulative power of gambling addiction.

Take care my friend. 

Posted on:
Thu, 15/02/2018 - 22:07

Spinningout

Joined:
2018-02-12

The bingo was really great and I had a lot of fun, not really expecting to win and just had a great laugh.

I see what your saying Stephen and though the bingo itself was great I felt the painful urge to just have a flutter on the slots within the facility. I would usually spend £50+ on these in a single visit and my addiction is in no way going away as I did end up giving into this and spent £30 on the machines which I now regret as there was no need to do so.

I won't give up though and will learn from this that I'm not ready to face that level of temptation so early.

I will reset the count but as I said I won't give in.

Tomorrow is day 1.

Posted on:
Fri, 16/02/2018 - 10:54

Spinningout

Joined:
2018-02-12

Day 1 again. Disappointed to slip back but beginning again and will continue with complete honesty to myself about my progress or slipups.

Today I will not gamble.

Posted on:
Fri, 16/02/2018 - 11:00

Took a wrong turn

Joined:
2012-02-22

Spinningout

it shows great character to be honest on this forum with fellow sufferers and you have got straight back into the saddle and you will continue to keep trying. A slip isn't the end of the world, no damage was done, you've reset the 'days' counter and you will for today not gamble.

Well done mate, pat yourself on the back!

Wilsy

Posted on:
Fri, 16/02/2018 - 17:43

Spinningout

Joined:
2018-02-12

Successful day so far with no gambling at the back of my mind but only because I find it difficult to stop focussing on the dire financial state I have put myself in by doing this and the reality of just how long this will take to fix.

I know the only way to change this is not to gamble and no magic win will fix it all. This is a great thing to realise.

Today I will not gamble.

Posted on:
Fri, 16/02/2018 - 18:57

Spinningout

Joined:
2018-02-12

Sat down with my mother and father (separately as they are divorced) and came clean about the whole thing and explained the help I had seeked on here and of my debts.

The reaction I got was nothing short of amazing. Not one insult or yell or judgement. They simply said they will sit me down each week and monitor my bank accounts to help me stick and it.

As if this wasn't enough support they have offered to take my debt into one loan with great interest rates in there name so I can make a affordable payment each month while still having a life.

Amazing. Incredible people and I will not let them down!

Posted on:
Fri, 16/02/2018 - 23:04

Spinningout

Joined:
2018-02-12

Been got the pub today to finish off day 1 gamble free. On my normal visit in would sit most of the night spending £30+ on the fruit machines. Tonight I spent nothing on them and had a great night with my partner.

Day 1 complete and better for it.

Posted on:
Sun, 18/02/2018 - 20:36

Spinningout

Joined:
2018-02-12

Day 3 of no gambling.

I will not gamble.

Posted on:
Mon, 19/02/2018 - 21:54

Spinningout

Joined:
2018-02-12

Day 5 and the urge to gamble is getting less strong each day.

Today I will not gamble.

Posted on:
Tue, 20/02/2018 - 07:28

Stephen 67

Joined:
2017-05-10

Hope your having a good week Spinningout. 

Well done on telling your parents about your gambling issues. Supportive family and friends can be helpful to our recovery. 

I really hope you can beat this. Your still a young man and you have a life to enjoy. It will take time to get your finances in order but you can do it. Many people cannot come to terms with the monies they have lost and go on to lose even more by chasing their losses. It is time to move forward and leave the past behind.

 

Posted on:
Tue, 27/02/2018 - 01:23

Spinningout

Joined:
2018-02-12

Been a while and lost my way abit on recovery. I have arranged to begin counselling soon which I hope can help. My life seems to be completely overwhelming me at the moment and gambling is usually my go to to distract myself from this but although I have gambling in the past few days I don't feel the pull for this reason.

Posted on:
Tue, 27/02/2018 - 09:15

Stephen 67

Joined:
2017-05-10

Welcome back Spinningout. I admire your honesty and openness. You appreciate that you are a compulsive gambler and are aware of the dangers associated with this addiction.

Yes there has been setbacks but you have shown resilience, remorse and the will to fight on. You will be faced with all sorts of challenges throughout your life but please appreciate that this will be the mother of all the battles. You will be severely tested but if you can come out of the other side in one piece, you will be a better man for it.

You have courage, understanding and the unwavering support of your loved ones.

Now is the time to draw a line under this sad chapter in your life.

With love in your heart, a belly full of hope and a smile on your face you can make a fresh start.

Wishing you well...stephen 

Posted on:
Mon, 05/03/2018 - 19:57

Spinningout

Joined:
2018-02-12

It has not been a few weeks. I have found myself gambling again large sums of money funded by anything and everything including payday loans.

I feel overwhelmed and I have no idea how else to deal with this. I am losing faith in myself and yet I feel more sad with each spin and the debt climbs.

I have arranged to start councillor on the 8th and hope this works by helping me sort the issues in my head.

Losing the battle and hope with it. Today has not been a good day.

Posted on:
Wed, 07/03/2018 - 05:55

tara2

Joined:
2013-01-27

That's great, counseling in just 2 days from now.  I hope that the counselor is a good one for you and helps you sort through the head issues ... as you said.  I get that one.  I don't have a counselor, sometimes I find a pod cast or a book. I also have phone meetings that I go to sometimes.  I hear ya on feeling like it's a losing battle and loosing hope along the way.  Maybe it's a battle we can't be in.  I have to remove myself from it and be at peace with what life I have in this moment.  Details of life can be so hard.  Yes, thanks for comeing back and posting and good luck with the talk therapy.   take care.  tara2