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Been here before, let's try this again

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#1 Posted on:
Sat, 09/09/2017 - 20:23

adam808

Joined:
2017-08-27

Hello. 

I've been gambling for about 2 years, originally got hooked by one huge win which allowed myself to buy luxury products for months. Unfortunately, the gambling became an addiction especially when I discovered slot games. Over the past year or so it's got worse. I am almost £14,000 in debt at a young age of 21. 

I have recently got a promotion at work, so I can begin to chip away at the debt, but I cannot keep giving into these urges as it makes me feel rubbish and I am so scared to muck up anything at work as this is my dream career. 

I've previously blocked finances, self excluded etc but I know almost every loophole going. Currently, on my laptop and PC I have GamBan, which helps SO much as it's so effective. However, my phone lets me down. I'm hoping once a mobile version of Gamban comes out, and the Gambling Commission bring in their global self exlusion the practical blocks will be complete and I can focus on some counselling. 

For those who have tried to work out root causes of the addiction, what have you found are typical causes for such a self descructive addiction? I find it hard to get my head round one big win has completely destroyed my life.

However I am determined to take it one day at a time and beat this.

Also... does this forum do a buddy system/sponsor type thing like in the AA? It would be nice to have someone to talk to if I'm having an urge. I think that is one of the things I really need for the first couple months as I'm getting my head around counselling. 

 

Posted on:
Sun, 10/09/2017 - 07:10

Athena1991

Joined:
2016-09-17

Hi Adam

And welcome, for so many of us a big win or even a little win is often the start of our problems as we are led to believe we can achieve this win on a regular basis which is completely ridiculous  as this would mean that the bookies would permanently lose money and not exist! However, this is not what our brain allows us to reason with, and chases the "high" of the win.

I myself was in a similar amount of debt to yourself at your age, and because i did not sort it, got worse untill i started to address my issues last year (when i was 25). At this point, I have managed to clear a significant proportion of my debt though i still have around £4k left which should be gone within 6 months. The point is that you are young, and if you nip this in the bud, this doesnt have to ruin your life and career and happiness but you need to take it seriously quickly so you can start living life free of gambling - i certainly wish i had earlier.

I wish all the best with counselling, this helped me greatly and am considering going back for more once i can afford it! I am not sure about GA but hopefully someone can advise! in respect of a phone blocking system I am not sure but perhaps someone on here can advise as I was of the understanding that you can get a blocking software for your phone, or maybe even contact your phone provider and see if they can block gambling sites too?

Athena

Posted on:
Sun, 10/09/2017 - 18:33

adam808

Joined:
2017-08-27

Thank you Athena for your comment, it sometimes feel I'm the only person in the world feeling like this - but I'm really not!

You are spot on with everything you have said. It's quite laughable how silly the whole process can be. I actually don't think I'm even addicted to winning the money - because if I win, I will just wager through it all. I think I just love the excitement of a big win or getting free spins. Maybe this could be something I can look into. I read another post earlier which suggested an anxiety about money can be a root cause for gambling, and such excitement of big wins provides a temporary relief which can hook the brain to crave it - it certainly makes sense. 

I'm glad that you're starting to get your life back together. How have you managed to get over it yourself? 

Posted on:
Mon, 11/09/2017 - 19:14

adam808

Joined:
2017-08-27

Day 16 (I think).

Had some strange cravings today to just play on free games. I'm pretty sure I'm actually addicted to the games and winning the free spins rather than the actual money win... However I did not give in to that temptation.

Last night was good! Started setting up some savings accounts. Got one for my car, one for Christmas, and ISA and a Treat Fund! I was surprised at how hard it was to find savings accounts that can be accessed via online banking but have withdrawl restrictions. However, I feel a lot better they are set up and combined with my debt repayments, I will be on track to starting to repair the damage.

I'm spending the evening tonight creating a wishlist of things to buy from my treat fund. Such an odd feeling... knowing how much I can buy for £100 - whereas it could be gone in seconds before and I would have NOTHING to show for it. `

Onwards and upwards. Emailed Gamban about a mobile version for IOS and they said it's coming in October so will have to suffer without internet on my phone for a little longer. Totally worth it!

Posted on:
Tue, 12/09/2017 - 21:00

adam808

Joined:
2017-08-27

Those cravings I had yesterday seem to have completely gone today. Maybe going for a 3 mile run helped my mental state? 

Not much to report today other than it has been a very good day. Looking forward to payday, in 2 weeks. I really need it. Officially starting the savings pot for Christmas. Going to try and save up a little bit more this year so I can really treat myself as the past year any kind of real treats for myself have been non existent. 

Posted on:
Tue, 12/09/2017 - 22:04

Mixer

Joined:
2016-12-03

 Hi Adam

You have set yourself a target for a good, nay, fantastic Christmas. You are in control to make it happen. Payday's a while away and you're not going to waste a penny on gambling, because you know you'll lose - we always do - and that leads to misery. 

Every morning, when you get up, take a look at a couple dairies if you are able, and resolve to yourself: just for today, I will not gamble. Just promise yourself that one, small simple thing. And, because you are looking after yourself, and giving yourself that positive break you need, you'll stick to that simple vow.

The future is bright Adam. You are in control and, as for the gambling, always remember - you don't have to do this, you know, you don't have to gamble at all!

 

 

Posted on:
Fri, 15/09/2017 - 09:32

gamparentanon

Joined:
2016-04-22

Be proud of those 16 days and keep building on them.  I echo all that mixer said above.  Bright future ahead of you, you are young, getting promotions and heading towards a great Xmas (cannot believe we are talking about Xmas already!!).  Treat this as a project and keep those targets firmly in your mind and you will be kept busy with all of that.  Good luck and hope you keep posting to get support as above.

Parent of a young gambler like you.

 

Posted on:
Wed, 20/09/2017 - 21:34

adam808

Joined:
2017-08-27

Thank you Mixer for your comment, and for taking the time to read through my ramblings. I have successfully managed not to gamble since, however Friday is payday, and I know how quickly that can go badly... But I am feeling optimisted. I have had a real urge of energy to change my life this month. I've been eating better, exercising more, generally feeling more mentally alert and happy. I know I can manage this one day at a time this month - and if I can do this month without gambling - I can do anything. It really feels like my life is starting to come back on track. I actually feel 21 again ha! And by the way, I have taken your advice on board and I am coming on here in the morning to focus my head into the right frame of mind. Works wonders.

Gamparentanon - I really appreciate your comment. I've particularly found it tough as I haven't been able to tell my parents about this. I am too ashamed and embarassed to even play it down to them. So it feels a comfort that someone like you is reading my story - thanks, I really appreciate it. In a very weird way, it seems to help me feel better about it all.

In other news - tried to access the chatroom tonight but it wouldn't display anybody elses messages. Has anyone else had this problem? 

Posted on:
Sat, 23/09/2017 - 11:41

adam808

Joined:
2017-08-27

Day 15...

Got paid yesterday, and have had 24 hours with the money in the bank... and.... haven't even had a temptation to touch it. Now in the process of paying some bills manually (just to get the money out that account asap just in case), and then I'll be left with an allowance to last me the rest of the month which I will withdraw as cash today.

It's crazy that I've never been able to remain gamble free on payday long enough to even do this task so I am so proud I've been able to do it.

I guess this is the huge challenge now. 

 

 

Posted on:
Mon, 25/09/2017 - 07:36

gamparentanon

Joined:
2016-04-22

Hi Adam

Have been hoping the payday went well and it seems that it has and yes, you should be proud.  It is going to be tough but weigh up the feeling of the pressure of not being able to pay those bills and the feeling this weekend of paying them off. Make Make your target to be g-free for each payday. I know you don't want to confide in your parents and none of us know what your relationship is like with them. But most of the parents on here have been alarmed at first but most have eventually uderstood and  got down to the task of helping with recovery.  While you are not confiding in them I hope I can offer a few snippets of advice and support now and again - so hope you keep in touch with us all on here for a while.

Posted on:
Mon, 25/09/2017 - 10:57

Forum admin

Joined:
2010-11-01

Hello adam808

Well done for getting through payday and paying all your bills. Did you withdraw your spending money as cash as you intended so you couldn't gamble online with it?

Sorry to hear about your experience in the chat room. Could you try using a different browser? We find that firefox seems to work well with it. 

Kind regards

Deirdre

Forum Admin

Posted on:
Tue, 26/09/2017 - 07:36

adam808

Joined:
2017-08-27

Thank you for your replies - will reply in more detail later as currently running late for work!

Just like to report some bad news... unfortunately last night I bet £10 online. Now... this is somewhat progress as I'd usually bet through all I've got, but a bet is still a bet. And it clearly shows I've missed some sort of important flaw which I need to work on.

I need to be honest with myself so I'm reverting back to Day 1. And tonight I plan to come and figure out how to prevent this from happening once more. 

Luckily though, I still have all the cash I withdrawed last week for 'spending money' so for the first time in a while, I will be able to continue this month with money in my pocket after going near a slot machine - which is a positive I guess? I just need to find a way to break the circle now - gambling on my phone so I either need to break access on the phone or restrict money somehow...

Posted on:
Tue, 26/09/2017 - 13:37

gamparentanon

Joined:
2016-04-22

Only withdraw in cash what you need at work or if you are feeding yourself, transport etc. Only withdraw cash for absolute necesseties.  Ring Gamcare about advice about how you can make it more difficult to gamble on your phone.  I still think it is wise to confide in  your parents if the slip ups still happen. You will feel like a weight has been lifted off your shoulders and you can tell them what steps you have taken already to quit.  You are already taking steps to recover and you must remember the days you have been gfree and be proud of those days. Your target is to get even further this time. I think  you can do it with a bit of self-discipline.  It is good that you are treating the last bet as a bit of a relapse and not treating it as because it is only small it is ok.  It is also good that you have let people on here know so you can get a bit more support.  Have another go at next payday and see what happens. So many people in the same boat as  you so you are not totally on your own. Good luck.

Posted on:
Wed, 27/09/2017 - 20:58

adam808

Joined:
2017-08-27

Thanks gamparentanon for your inital message before the cockup... I am still very proud it was only a £10 bet, but I need to be honest with myself and on this forum. What is the point of lying on here?! I think you're totally right though, I do need that self-discipline and a strict regieme almost... I am focusing on healthy eating and going to the gym. That coupled with throwing myself into work makes my life more stable and (I'm hoping) will get me to focus on the end goal of remaining gamble free. I've uncovered the blips that caused my £10 bet and I am eradicating them. I know I can do this. 

On the plus side... I have managed to remain smoking free for a week, which is something I didn't think I could do!

Regarding the parents... It's given me some thinking time. I feel I could most likely tell my Dad which is something I am hoping to do sooner rather than later. I also think I'm going to tell a close friend as I think that gives me someone to check in with everyday and I wouldn't want to lie to anyone I am close to.

Thanks for checking in with me, it means a lot to know someone listens. 

Posted on:
Thu, 28/09/2017 - 19:52

adam808

Joined:
2017-08-27

Day 3.

Feeling positive today. Been smoke free ALL week, things feel a lot clearer in general. Signed up for the gym at work so I know next week is going to be hopping onto a new routine of healthy living and exercise which I am craving after all the damage gambling has done to me.

On a side note - has anyone here recieved any counselling from GamCare? I was just wanting some more detail on what it entails to calm my anxiety about it so I can properly go for it and not chicken out at the last minute. 

Posted on:
Thu, 28/09/2017 - 20:34

Tommyt124

Joined:
2017-09-27

Hiya Adam you are doing really well pal even though you bet you was honest to your self and you have said you no it was wrong and are trying to put more stops in place which is great .if you tell your dad or close friend maybe you could give them control of your money for a while don't have any in bank and when you need some for.work or going seeing friends ask your dad or friend for an allowance I know.it sounds a bit childish but if it stops you gambling that's what counts carry on what your doing and good luck ps sorry for the punctuation my phone is not the best lol

Posted on:
Thu, 28/09/2017 - 22:16

Xenedra

Joined:
2017-08-16

Hi Adam, 

Glad i found your thread!

Keep going...we can do this! Also well done on the stop smoking! Its my goal to quit aswell..I do vape...and smoke as well...I suppose its indictive of my 'go big or go home mentalilty'. 

Speak soon!

Posted on:
Thu, 28/09/2017 - 23:20

Abstainer

Joined:
2017-05-10

Thankyou Adam for the post on my diary, the support of GamCare friends has kept me going when I was feeling negative. We're all different but we're all brothers and sisters, together, on the same journey up the recovery road. We help each other on the way, we don't judge one another and we share our hopes and ideas. By the side of the road you will sometimes hear our supporters cheering us on and giving us good advice, thats the families and friends ( including admin) who want so much to see us do well. This addiction destroys lifes indiscriminately whilst masquerading as a friend. It is insidious. Get out while you can my friend otherwise it will destroy you ....stephen

Posted on:
Fri, 29/09/2017 - 21:45

adam808

Joined:
2017-08-27

Thanks for your replies.

Tommy - Thanks man for your message. Means a lot. That's not a bad idea about the allowance. I might give that a try. Cheers pal.

Xenedra - I managed another day smoking free. It's still really hard, but kinda comforting knowing I have a vape so I could nip out at work to "smoke" if I had to. I hope the cravings start to die down next week. 

Abstainer - Thanks for the reply. Lovely post. Agreew ith everything you said. It's my mission to beat this.

Day 3. Feeling good. Beginning to recognise people in the Chatroom. Feel like it's a bit of a comfort to see the same faces. Weirdly seems to help as we can keep a check on each other. I don't wanna lie to these guys.  

Posted on:
Sun, 01/10/2017 - 13:30

adam808

Joined:
2017-08-27

Day 5.

Today is a good day. Had a lovely weekend and recharged my batteries ready for next week at work (gonna be a busy one). Got my life organised a little bit. Got some routines set up for this week so I can fit in more exercise and map out my evenings a bit better so I am not drawn into temptation or boredom. 

Starting to look forward to the future a lot more now. Feel oddly confident about this. More confident on Day 5 now than I've felt on Day 25 in the past. Maybe something has changed this time? Could be that I've banned myself from free games. Truly the devils work.

Posted on:
Mon, 02/10/2017 - 18:31

adam808

Joined:
2017-08-27

Day 6.

Today has been a BRILLIANT day for a number of reasons.

1. My smoke free app has told me (based on my average) I haven't smoked 50 cigarettes since I quit. That's 50 cravings I've beat. If I can overcome 50 urges to smoke, I can do anything.
2. I overcame a huge challenge at work. I'm the youngest person at my work and I do feel sometimes like that is a bit of a struggle due to my lack of life experience but I really feel I am taking the right steps to impress the right people and get work done to the best possible standard.
3. I went to the gym after work, ran for 45 minutes. I also ate healthy and as a result my body feels brilliant.
4. I actually have money, spare....that I can spend....on things?! This never happens, ha!
5. Still GF.

When I was on the treadmill I was reflecting on the past year and how far I've come and I realised something. The past few months have been the training for a marathon. I've tried, tried, and tried and failed. I've then used my failings to apply new methods to do better next time. All this training has lead up to this moment. The race has begun. And whilst I am only in my first 100 meters of 26 miles... I know that I will manage it, because I've put in the training and the right processes in place.

Something has clicked in my brain. I just feel so different. 

 

Posted on:
Tue, 03/10/2017 - 07:18

gamparentanon

Joined:
2016-04-22

Hope others are reading your posts - very uplifting - and your hard work and self-discipline is paying off and the good feeling you have is that great weight of worry about gambling  starting to lift from your young shoulders.  Keep running, keep busy and keep counting those gfree days. Good luck.

Posted on:
Fri, 06/10/2017 - 19:37

adam808

Joined:
2017-08-27

Thank you for your kinda words as always. Again, your support helps so much.

Day 10 today. And it's FRIDAY. I have been so busy the past few days I haven't even thought about gambling. The only blip I've had was today all the talk about the lottery. But I just ignored that little voice trying to pull me back in and I'm still on track.

Feeling super positive. Loving life.

Posted on:
Sun, 08/10/2017 - 03:33

4D

Joined:
2010-02-10

Hi Adam, it's good to see you've banned yourself from the free slots. I used to spend hours on the stupid things but had to wean off them as well, not healthy, and feeding the addiction. Let's not go back there!!! You are doing well keep it up!

Posted on:
Mon, 09/10/2017 - 19:35

adam808

Joined:
2017-08-27

Thank you 4D. They are awful! I never realised how much they fuel the fire. I think that's why I've been able to stick to things this time round - there is nothing keeping the addiction going.

Day 13?! The dates are really adding up now. I went to the gym after work today so feeling a lot more energised and positive after a bit of an inludgence this weekend with the pizza and beer.... Gotta treat yourself right?! Also officially 2 weeks smoking free. An achievement I am so proud of. 

I know I can keep it up and it looks like I'll hit my 100 day around Christmas/New Year time which will be such a good way to enter 2018. Happy times.

Posted on:
Fri, 13/10/2017 - 20:59

adam808

Joined:
2017-08-27

Day 17. Friday once more and I am in an estatic mood. 

Had a real productive week at work this week and feel such a benefit from working with such an intelligent and creative group of people. Payday falls next Friday too...starting to get my mind reinforced and into training to ensure nothing bad happens. 

Still smoking free - 18 days. Exercise has been a little slack this week but I will recover it next week. I can't be perfect all the time ha! But I am damn sure I can be gamble free.

Posted on:
Fri, 13/10/2017 - 23:41

ODAAT

Joined:
2014-11-10

Hi Adam, congratulations on your 17 & 18 days & good on you for recognising so young that you have to do something to get these addictions under control.

You have obviously found the chat room but just wondering whether you’d given any thought to GA?  You will find a plethora of real life buddies there, including a sponsor if you decide to work the Steps (12 step recovery program).  Coming here & reading diaries everyday is good but the steps give you a bit more structure.

I do think it would be very good to get your father on board as it makes you accountable & takes the secrecy out of the equation.  Shoot for the skies - ODAAT 

Posted on:
Wed, 18/10/2017 - 05:33

Ineffable

Joined:
2015-02-21

Hey Adam, how are you doing?  

I see you had a relaps before - unfortunately it is a trait with many gamblers but in many ways it is just right of passage on the way to a GF future - I have had a number of relapses but am back on track and have learned lots about myself and my triggers along they way which will help me in the journey ahead - it's tough, as you know, but doable,so keep going.

I hope to start counselling with Gam Care soon so can't comment on its effectiveness but I would definitely recommend some 1-1 counselling as it really does help you sort out why you got here in the first place and what might be behind you addiction.  I haven't heard of a buddy system on here but I read you join in the chat rooms, which is a good approach. I would also recommend putting your name forward fo the 2017 Challenge, the Christmas challenge and the Guru challenge (if you haven't don so already) that are on this forum? You have done really well to get this far - blips accepted :)  - I wish you th very best in your journey my friend - you will get there!

Posted on:
Sat, 21/10/2017 - 20:12

adam808

Joined:
2017-08-27

Thank you for your comments both.

ODAAT - I have thought about GA, the only thing is the nearest place is about a 30 mile drive and the sessions are during the week which makes it very difficult. Especially added to the fact that I haven't been driving for long so those kinda trips sound daunting. I am however thinking about the counselling they offer here. I've had some time to reflect this past month and there are some clear underlying issues which I think draw me back to gambling. I'm just not sure how to access those feelings? Thank you for your support. It means a lot.

Ineffable - All good actually, had a very busy week at work, throwing myself into things so I barely think about it. A bit helper was banning myself from going on free games which were really just enabling me to continue gambling. Ah yes - many many relapses, but like you said, each time you pick yourself up and learn from "what went wrong". I feel I've almost got the magic combination for myself now. Which feels incredibly empowering. Thanks again for the support.

Payday was yesterday. Applied my financial safety net - sorted. Day 25 today. Onwards and upwards.

Posted on:
Sun, 22/10/2017 - 14:07

danp20000

Joined:
2017-10-13

Hi Adam,

thanks for your message on my diary. I have read your first post and you mention blockers, just wondered did you have someone put a password onto yours for you, since this is the only way it will really work? Also I had the main issue, accessing sites through my phone, it was just too easy. I have an Iphone and what you can do is download K9 web browser which blocks all gambling sites. Then you can set up restrictions on the phone and turn off access to the safari brower, on the iphone this is a 4-digit number which my wife has put in so I have no idea what it is. Just an idea for you, this cannot be beaten without the correct blocks

Luckily enough I have rarely been into bookies so that is not so much of a temptation for me.

Keep up the good work and happy to chat anytime, I would find it usefull as well. I might see you on the chat room sometime this week

thanks, Dan

Posted on:
Tue, 24/10/2017 - 22:11

adam808

Joined:
2017-08-27

DAY 28.

This is a strange feeling - almost been a week since payday and still have my money. I think this is the longest I've ever been gamble free (and it feels amazing).

Work has been a big help. I've thrown myself into it trying to take on extra responsibility and make it more of a passion. Luckily, I am loving it. Alongside my 28 days gamble free, I am also 29 days smoking free which I am also SO incredibly proud about, it's almost like a double whammy.

My next focus is tweaking my diet a bit and continuing in the gym. I am unfortunately a bit of a comfort eater so I think it'll be important to focus on removing that reliance if I'm having a stressful day for example - instead of a pizza, I can have an apple ha!

Onwards and upwards!

Posted on:
Wed, 25/10/2017 - 01:07

4D

Joined:
2010-02-10

Hi Adam, its great to read you are doing well and getting through payday with a good focus. Sounds like the gym is helping you, maybe you could be my gymspiration haha! I reckon if we get fit enough we can afford a bit of comfort eating cos of burning it off??

Posted on:
Wed, 25/10/2017 - 20:45

danp20000

Joined:
2017-10-13

Glad it's still going well, keep it going Adam. Good to focus on other things 

Posted on:
Thu, 26/10/2017 - 18:22

adam808

Joined:
2017-08-27

Thanks 4D and Dan for your support it means a lot. I will have a browse through your diaries this weekend once I get a spare second... my evenings seem to disappear into thin air!

Today I hit Day 30. What a strange feeling this is. Never have I managed this before. I truly believe a lightbulb has gone off in my head that hasn't before. I don't even have the temptations. It's very strange. Luckily I have all my blocks in place as one thing I have learned is to never get too comfortable as a relapse can just be around the corner.

Thank you ALL for your support, means a lot.

Posted on:
Thu, 26/10/2017 - 19:42

Moorey631986

Joined:
2016-09-08

adam808 wrote:

Thanks 4D and Dan for your support it means a lot. I will have a browse through your diaries this weekend once I get a spare second... my evenings seem to disappear into thin air!

Today I hit Day 30. What a strange feeling this is. Never have I managed this before. I truly believe a lightbulb has gone off in my head that hasn't before. I don't even have the temptations. It's very strange. Luckily I have all my blocks in place as one thing I have learned is to never get too comfortable as a relapse can just be around the corner.

Thank you ALL for your support, means a lot.

Well done on reaching 30 days Adam!

You’ve shown lots of strength and resolve to get this far. 

Keep going mate. 

Posted on:
Sun, 29/10/2017 - 18:47

adam808

Joined:
2017-08-27

DAY 33.

Had a more chilled weekend than last weekend. I've suffered a bit of...anxiety (I guess?) this week. I think part of me is waiting for a **** up but this time round it's not happening. Usually I fail around the 15 day mark so we are already double that... I think now is the time to process these feelings and start to rebuild my life. I'm not overly worried as I still have ZERO urges, my motivation is sky high. My focus now really is getting to Christmas, and then in the New Year I can look at ways I can start to truly rebuild my life. Maybe take up a new hobby? Socialise more? Focus on improving my diet? Gambling has been such a huge focus of my life I think I'm a bit lost not knowing what to do with myself now. 

But, for the short term, life is good. I am throwing myself into new projects at work, visiting the gym and generally just enjoying having money and being able to spend time with people without putting on a fake face. I'm genuinley happen for what feels like the first time in years.

Posted on:
Sun, 29/10/2017 - 20:03

sjwsjw

Joined:
2017-10-27

I've been gambling 10 years total, im a fair bit older at 29 and have a 10k debt. My vice is sport betting. Like you today is also day 33 GF.

I struggled this week, wednesday to friday at work i found myself very short tempered. Im usually a VERY laid back person (outwardly anyway). I think by this point of not gambling you begin to look at and dig deeper into the root of this addiction. Looking into ourselves to start to ask the questions of WHY. It's often scary to REALLY look at the person you are and what you need to change in order to move forwards as a more productive person. Hiding in our addiction removes us from the need to ask these questions and coming away from this is at time uncomfortable for sure.

We got this though, one day at a time. Lets keep going!

Posted on:
Fri, 03/11/2017 - 20:22

4D

Joined:
2010-02-10

Hey Adam, great to see you hit striver. 38 days, well done and good to see you celebrating a bit of normal life. Make sure you keep those blocks up for the more difficult moments. I'm sure you will have lots of good times and good choices up ahead in life if you continue gf :))

Posted on:
Sat, 04/11/2017 - 11:30

ste_ven

Joined:
2012-05-11

Hi Adam

Pleased to hear things continue to improve for you also. Make sure you keep records/notes of the extra stuff you do at work, makes appraisal time that bit easier to go to and try to justify a pay rise!

The fake face comment resonates with me, I can really relate to that. The mask I used to wear has been smashed into thousands of pieces, beyond repair, I choose never to put that mask on again!

39 and counting... keep it going! Stay safe and GF mate.

Posted on:
Sat, 04/11/2017 - 20:21

adam808

Joined:
2017-08-27

Thanks for your replies guys, I'm gonna head over to your diaries after this.

DAY 39

Things are looking brighter this week (as the weather gets darker and colder). The faint sound of sleigh bells... aka the oncoming shopping storm are starting to be heard more and more everyday. This year however, there is little dread. I have already compiled a Christmas budget and I am so proud that I will be able to treat my family and friends. In addition, I can actually treat MYSELF. There are a few items I've always wanted and this Christmas will be the time I finally get my hands on them. Great feeling.

Work is going even better this week, I can see myself being there long term (touch wood). I'm incredibly fortunate to have such incredible colleagues who are just brilliant. 2018 will be all about ramping up financial protections. I'm going to be finally getting some savings built up and can really chip away my £13,000 debt. Had a nice little kick start this week as Santander agreed to pay back all interest charges over the past two years....I got £125 back to put towards my credit card repayment. Every little helps.

Looking forward to November. And whilst things are positive, I am VERY VERY aware of how easy it is to relapse and slip back to the temptation of gambling. Blocks are still up - and I intend to keep them up indefinately. 

Posted on:
Sat, 04/11/2017 - 21:09

S B

Joined:
2017-11-01

Hi Adam,

Nice talking to you on chat and thanks for the post. Did think you're secret agent going through my journal while still on chat ;-)

Good to see you in better place. I took many measures you listed in my journal. Except gamblock. I know I need to if I'm truly serious this time!
I draw money out of acc also. But this doesn't seem to stop me as direct debits I leave are spreaded all over the month..obvs I will have to put cash back this month as I spent my left "outgoings" for bills.

Exercise is great! I walk a lot. Does put your mind on another higher level.

Keep this up, you're worth it

X

Posted on:
Mon, 06/11/2017 - 19:18

ste_ven

Joined:
2012-05-11

Hi Adam

I would definitely recommend the counselling sessions and yes it was arranged through gamcare. For me the sessions are an opportunity to speak to someone who does not know me, for me to speak openly and candidly about my past gambling habit and what I can do to keep my guard up. For me it is a very positive experience - Its almost like I am looking back at my former self and seeing where they went wrong, safe in the knowledge that i am making the right choices now by choosing not to gamble. I have another session tomorrow and will keep you posted on how it goes. 

In terms of your good self, something to bear in mind in terms of repayment of debts. It can be tempting to apportion too much of our income towards debt repayments in an effort to pay them back as quickly as possible, and whilst that may provide us some immediate relief in our heads there is a danger that we find ourselves with little money to live on.... which can give rise to old thoughts creeping in again... "where can I try and get money quickly?" sort of thing... dangerous stuff and should be avoided. 

If not already done so, contact your creditors and tell them that you are in a position of financial hardship and that you request a suspension of any additional credit/fees that continue to be added to your debts. That can provide some additional restbite and let's you pay down the debt, not just the interest on the debt. 

Other than that... stay safe and GF Adam!

Posted on:
Sat, 11/11/2017 - 20:19

adam808

Joined:
2017-08-27

DAY 46

Slowly creeping up to that 50 day milestone. Been a rather busy week (but when is it ever quiet?). Still having zero gambling urges. Struggling a lot more with the smoking in terms of urges but determined to keep both at bay.

Not got much time tonight so will quickly check in. Hopefully will have some time next week to post on some diaries. Have a lovely weekend all!

Posted on:
Sat, 11/11/2017 - 20:59

Veebee

Joined:
2013-02-03

Just read through your diary so thought I'd say hi, well done and keep it up! Did you ever sort the counselling sessions, I'm hoping they might help me. Apparently someone is going to ring me about it on Tuesday but I'm a little unsure about it all.

 

Posted on:
Thu, 16/11/2017 - 18:57

adam808

Joined:
2017-08-27

DAY 51

Finally hit the 50 days mark. Never thought I'd imagine getting to 30 days, let alone FIFTY?! I feel very much stable in life for the first time in a while. I think all my blocks which have been a bit of a trial and error have worked. My money is safe, I'm working on my self development, I'm filling my time. I am still very mindful that no matter how stable I feel, this could creep up on me at any time so I will continue to ensure blocks are in place...maybe for the rest of my life.

Signed up to a credit file website today. You pay £15 a month and it gathers in detail data from all the credit companies. Very enlightening and scary to witness all the damage. I had used those free website before but this is so much better. In a strange way, I feel a lot better doing it as I know how bad things have got, and I can see it get that little bit better every month now. Motivation!

Everything else in life is going smoothly. Preparing for the storm of Christmas...every weekend now until January 7th is booked up... going to be very busy but I feel this is for the best. The busier the better!

Onwards and upwards to another week gamble free.

Posted on:
Fri, 17/11/2017 - 00:17

4D

Joined:
2010-02-10

Hi Adam, congrats on your half century! You seem quite a goal oriented person from your diary so I reckon keep it up and keep aiming for your targets! Good to hear you are keeping busy and also keeping blocks in place ready for any down days :) just keep doing what you are doing and enjoy everything you've got planned on all those weekends, its got to be better than wasting time on pointless crappy slots!!

Posted on:
Fri, 17/11/2017 - 07:57

AntAnt1

Joined:
2017-09-20

Hi Adam

Congrats on the 50. Keep going bud. It all sounds positive and you are doing great.

Posted on:
Fri, 17/11/2017 - 09:41

Sharon41

Joined:
2017-03-16

Hi Adam, thanks for posting and if anything I've written helps anyone that makes me happy. Congrats on 52 days and will take a leaf out if your book for setting goals as I am a bit of a drifter and tend to take odaat which works for me but need some long term aims in my personal life too. Enjoy this GF day take care S:)

Posted on:
Fri, 17/11/2017 - 18:56

Sars27

Joined:
2017-06-02

Congratulations for making it over half a century Adam :) keep up the good work buddy ! It’ll soon be 100 but obviously one day at a time :) 

Sars

Posted on:
Sat, 18/11/2017 - 09:55

Moorey631986

Joined:
2016-09-08

Congratulations on hitting 50+ days Adam! You’re doing superbly well on this journey. Keep ticking off those milestones. Not long until you’re 2 months free from gambling.  

Posted on:
Sun, 26/11/2017 - 18:50

adam808

Joined:
2017-08-27

DAY 61

This is a VERY quick check in as I am SO busy. Had a lovely weekend away with friends so haven't even had time to think about gambling or even my progress. I'm so happy to be at 61 days gamble free. This is amazing!

Will try and take some time to properly jot down my thoughts this week as I've had a few moments thinking about gambling, and how it's affected me, and how I think it fuels the addictive side to my brain. But this will have to wait till I can sit down and think properly ha!

Now I need to do some ironing for work tomorrow!