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Am I free at last

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#1 Posted on:
Sun, 22/01/2017 - 02:11

Emonster

Joined:
2016-09-25

Well im now around the 115 day mark of not gambling and I'm starting to believe I will never gamble again. I had a serious problem right back to when I started gambling at a very young age. I remember going in to the chip shops to play the bandits hoping to win the jackpot that paid out in tokens not cash (how stupid) I ended up stealing from my parents just to play those Dam machines which resulted in me being kicked out the family home at the age of 15 and living with a mate and his mum. This you would have thought would be the shock I needed but it wasn't, I continued to gamble all my wages every week. Years passed and I made up with my parents and I was allowed to move back home, 2nd chance? Although I stopped the stealing the gambling never stopped and is continue to gamble my wages. I then bought a flat with a100% mortgage before the property boom at a really cheap price and when the property boom happened I sold my flat and made £34000 profit this money lasted 1year as I found online gambling and as most will know it doesn't take long to get through when your playing at stupid stakes. That was 13 years ago now and most of my wages since then have also been spent on gambling. 3-4 months ago I came on here and read stories and diaries and I knew in my heart I needed to stop and for once I felt deep down that I was going to do it. This is the longest I've never gambled in 30 years and I actually feel like I'll never gamble again, I've found something in me that I never knew existed in and that's having self control. If anyone bothers to read this beleive me when I say, if I can stop anyone can!!

Posted on:
Sun, 22/01/2017 - 08:58

Anon100

Joined:
2016-08-31

Hi, firstly well done on your achievement.  We started around the same time, mines 117 days today, difference is I only started gambling in latter life and for just a few years.  However still went through a considerable amount of money, lied, become unsociable to family and friends etc., I hardly ever think of spinning those awful wheels now but still realise I could never play them again because we could so easily be drawn back.  LIfe is oh so much better, I still have the debts which I pay some off each month but I save a little and have enough to do things each month.  I'm still setting my goals next one for me is 150.  Good luck on your journey and well done once again x 

Posted on:
Sun, 22/01/2017 - 15:48

Emonster

Joined:
2016-09-25

Hey well done to you too. I have had a cpl small urges but nothing I can't easily control. Your right, it will just take that one time to think Ahh I've done well just a wee shot won't hurt, but that wee shot would then result in hundreds of pounds and then Im sucked back in and thinking about those bonuses. I know I have a long way to go and like you say next goal is 150 and I'm hell bent on not resetting that back to zero. Good luck and be strong!!

Posted on:
Tue, 24/01/2017 - 11:47

Longy199

Joined:
2017-01-24

Hi, I am in exactly this position and I do not know how to get out. I have recently lost everything, my house, my wife, my car and basically my life. I am in a lot of debt due to my addiction and I just don't know what path to fllow to sort this out. At the moment I still 'want' to do it because I have nothing else in my life at the moment but I still have an opportunity to get my life back if I can sort my problems out. I have had money issue's since I was younger, the same as yourself regarding stealing from family and being kicked out at a young age. When I was 18 i started working in a Pub and that is where the gambling started. Fruit machines were the main area and I started using whatever I could to pay for it. Then a little later on I started online gambling, poker or slots and this is when I started taking loans and credit cards out to pay for it. I have had help once before but I wasn't honest him so it was never resolved, I have also been helped out financially by my family and my wife's but none of it has made me realise how bad it was/is. I am at my lowest point and for the sake of my sanity and everyone I care for I need to get this under control. Please anything you can suggest that helped you get to where you are now, did you have professional help? Did you do anything to help take that opportunity away? Thank you in advance, Dan

Posted on:
Sat, 11/02/2017 - 20:38

Emonster

Joined:
2016-09-25

Hi Dan, i hope your doing well and sorry for her late reply but I've not been back on here since posting this. Firstly and Truthfully I think I have just come to a point where enough is enough and I don't want to be ruled any more by gambling. I've used gamblock on my phones, laptops tablets but I always found away around it. I bought gamblock again as I posted my first comment on my diary back in September but it's still sitting there not activated as I am determined to face this on my own as it's my problem and I have to face it and deal with it. I also self excluded from every site imaginable but I found a new addiction in trying to source one I'm not excluded from and I'd spend hours looking and I'd eventually find one and deposit cash and subsequently lose and once Id lost I'd exclude myself from that one and the cycle would continue again and again. A friend of mine who's life was being ruined by alcohol went in to rehab, he done 3 months and is still sober now, when I seen him he told me it's the hardest thing he's done in his life and he's now counselling other addicts, he said to me unaware of my addiction that urges are only a thought in your head and what you need to do is realise this and find your own way to block them out and ignore them, its your mind its your thoughts and only you can control it. I think that this is what triggered Me in to really wanting to stop. When I look back at all the money I've spent I know I'll never get it back and just have accept its gone. The diary is a great way to help you, do what I did and edit your headline every day with it starting 1 day free of gambling and then change it everyday to 2 days, 3 days etc and when you see those days mounting up its a deterrent not letting the counter reset back to zero. Unfortunately tho there is no magic wand here and we are all different and what works for me may not work for you but excluded from every site your a member of as thats a great way to start but you need to really want to do it in order to stop and not give in to urges, if you do get an urge, take yourself away from your phone, laptop etc for 30 mins, do something and you'll be surprised that that's sometimes enough to put them at bay. Get a diary on here mate and get those days clocking up. I'm now 138 days free but I got an urge Tonight hence why I came on here to put it in my diary. I'm not giving in to this, it's had too much off me and it's getting no more.. Good luck and keep me posted on your progress....

Posted on:
Mon, 13/02/2017 - 20:21

Longy199

Joined:
2017-01-24

Hi E, thank you for your reply, I think hearing it from people who have had the same problems or addictions and truly understanding what we all go through has set me on my way. Since that first post I have now gone 18 days gambling free and it feels great, even though everything hasn't gone back to normal  like it usually does I feel more motivated in every aspect of my life. My career, my attitude and everything that comes with it has become more positive. I have given all financial control to my sister at the moment to remove the credit cards and she has access to my current account so she can see what I'm spending so I know there is someone aware of my actions. I am also keeping a Calendar at work which I'm crossing off everyday so I have something to look forward to every morning I go in there and I don't want to start that again so that has worked greatly. I know everything else is in time but this website has really amazed me and the people on it. Thank you for taking your time to tell me about your addiction and honestly without your initial post I wouldn't have registered and started on here, so again thank you you have started me on hopefully my road to recovery. Please keep me posted on how your doing and I will do the same 

Posted on:
Fri, 24/02/2017 - 07:45

Anon100

Joined:
2016-08-31

Morning and thank you, you too will be celebrating in a couple of days, be proud very proud, only us fellow ex gamblers know how hard it can be at times on this journey.  Best wishes, let's keep going forwards, next one 200! X 

Posted on:
Tue, 11/07/2017 - 16:25

Redbar

Joined:
2017-05-13

In answer to your question "am I free" I'm afraid I'm going to say no I believe it's a life long battle as with every addiction your never truly free until you breath your last breathe. However we can try until then and the more we try the easier it gets but I'm not ever going to be complaincant because that's when it will take me again so forever in my opioion is how long we have to be on our guard .. I must say 65 days have flew by which is scary lol means days, months, years are going to quick  red X 

 

Posted on:
Fri, 21/07/2017 - 00:52

Compulsive Gambler

Joined:
Before 2009

I'm not really sure why but I do love the title of this page, I find it very thought provoking

I just wish I could see a day when I could answer it positively (for myself)