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After I quit gambling

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#1 Posted on:
Sun, 03/06/2018 - 01:45

merlins

Joined:
2018-02-14

Things don't get automatically easier after I quit gambling. There are still a lot things left to deal with. There were reasons since I gambled, such as, boredom, depression, loneliness, finance. I have to keep myself focus on improving the quality of my life while I am on my guard against the relapses. 

I am not generally happy with my life right now but I am glad that I am not gambling. I have to remind myself often that I need to start from a baby step towards my goals. Sometimes, I am drained to do anything but starting with a babystep seems doable and I take the inspiration from achieving the small step and I keep on going.

Day 101 of gambling free days. I am not happy nor rich right now because of achieving that number but since I don't gamble, one less thing to worry about and no financial hardship that comes with gambling.

Posted on:
Sun, 03/06/2018 - 21:54

merlins

Joined:
2018-02-14

Day 102

There is a NBA final game today and we also have baseball games. I am currently unable to go out to enjoy the activities because of my disability. Sitting in the room all the time gets me tired mentally. Somehow, I started thinking it’s okay to bet. I might even win. Those thoughts are very similar to the thoughts that happen before previous relapses. 

It sucks being a disabled man. And it sucks being a compulsive gambler.

Posted on:
Tue, 05/06/2018 - 07:02

merlins

Joined:
2018-02-14

Day 103

The urge to gamble from yesterday is gone now. I was thinking about 14K that was lost during last relapse. I have to consider it as some past expense. I spent it and it is gone. Nothing to look back. What only matters right now is to focus on the future and to care less about what others might be thinking about me. What they think about me is their problem. To me, I only focus on myself and my future. 

Posted on:
Wed, 06/06/2018 - 22:50

merlins

Joined:
2018-02-14

Day 104

Today, there is a NBA final game. I automatically started calculating which team to bet on. Like many other complusive gamblers, no matter how many times I have said I am done with gambling.. there are always good chances of relapsing. After the day you decided not to gamble, it is not all the end. You have to be consistent with not gambling and with occupying yourself with other habits.

Posted on:
Thu, 07/06/2018 - 03:44

merlins

Joined:
2018-02-14

I just closed a NBA final game while watching because it gave me an urge to gamble. It was sport bettings that drove me crazy with relapses after relapses.

Posted on:
Thu, 07/06/2018 - 08:53

cardhue

Joined:
2013-01-18

merlins wrote:

Things don't get automatically easier after I quit gambling. There are still a lot things left to deal with. There were reasons since I gambled, such as, boredom, depression, loneliness, finance. I have to keep myself focus on improving the quality of my life while I am on my guard against the relapses. 

I am not generally happy with my life right now but I am glad that I am not gambling. I have to remind myself often that I need to start from a baby step towards my goals. Sometimes, I am drained to do anything but starting with a babystep seems doable and I take the inspiration from achieving the small step and I keep on going.

Day 101 of gambling free days. I am not happy nor rich right now because of achieving that number but since I don't gamble, one less thing to worry about and no financial hardship that comes with gambling.

Some good stuff there. Break it down to baby steps whenever things seem too much.

As long as your goals are aligned with your values - your values being what you want to live your life by- then you will gain meaning, purpose and vitality. You might still feel discomfort, it might not always be easy, but the alternative is stagnating, waiting, waiting, beating yourself up because your waiting.

It really isn’t about the end point but the process. 

All the best 

Louis 

Posted on:
Fri, 08/06/2018 - 09:00

merlins

Joined:
2018-02-14

Hi Louis,

Thanks for the comment. I am dealing with depression at the same time with gambling problem. It makes things complicated sometimes. When I should get motivated for gambling free days, I feel depressed and hopeless... and lack of interest in doing things. Like I said I will chop things down to baby steps. At the same time I have been losing interest in doing things.

Posted on:
Sat, 09/06/2018 - 04:29

merlins

Joined:
2018-02-14

Day 107

Another NBA final game and another urge. I was thinking I would have bet on Warriors and won last two games. I will be honest I can't think any common sense about past gambling problems when I am having an urge.

Posted on:
Thu, 14/06/2018 - 06:29

merlins

Joined:
2018-02-14

Day 112,

So here I am again. broke, disabled and no girlfriend. I am finding it very hard to be motivated or happy these days. But I am not killing myself nor gambling again because of these. I don't know what to live for these days but I will be one day.. I will find the light.. I will discover my energy again one day.

Posted on:
Thu, 14/06/2018 - 06:46

Compulsive Gambler

Joined:
Before 2009

hey merlins - well done on looking forward and on your continued abstinance - It's not an easy fight is it, we can continue fighting though, one day at a time, I'm currently most proud that I am 'owning' my addiction these days, rather than making excuses or blaming others.

 How about you, what are you most proud of right now?

Posted on:
Thu, 14/06/2018 - 07:20

merlins

Joined:
2018-02-14

Thank you for coming by. The fight is inside me everyday. I love to sleep as much as I can and as long as I can because when I am falling asleep, no thoughts nor depression. But I am most proud of myself that I haven't killed myself and I still fight for myself even though I have been struggling with depression and gambling addiction for years.

Posted on:
Thu, 14/06/2018 - 11:06

Compulsive Gambler

Joined:
Before 2009

and tell me a goal you will achieve in the next few weeks or months, not connected to gambling

I am going to tidy and sort my loft out this weekend, its a complete mess, boxes of junk and kids toys that all need a proper sort out, It's needed doing for 6 months at least, I keep thinking about it and it bothers me, I will feel better once I've done it and so I will do so this weekend

How about you Merlin?

Posted on:
Fri, 15/06/2018 - 03:16

merlins

Joined:
2018-02-14

To me, I wanna walk again. Due to my disability and surgery, I have not been able to walk for a while. Now I am learning to walk again. Also walking helps me with my mental health.

Posted on:
Fri, 15/06/2018 - 17:58

merlins

Joined:
2018-02-14

Day 113,

World Cup games give me a great deal of urge. I try to watch the games but I started predicting the winners and when my predictions are correct, it makes me feel uncomfortable for not making some bets on my predictions. But I always look back what gambling did to me and the patterns of my self-control when I gambled.

Posted on:
Sat, 16/06/2018 - 01:21

merlins

Joined:
2018-02-14

Day 114

For some careless mistake, I realized I lost 500 on something today. Even though it wasn't from gambling, my chasing instinct kicked in. I was angry over the incident and I was thinking to bet on World Cup to chase the loss.

Posted on:
Sat, 16/06/2018 - 20:54

Compulsive Gambler

Joined:
Before 2009

Hey Merlin, sorry I missed the update - sounds like a pretty awesome goal you have to focus on there!   

Well done for posting and I really hope you've managed to stay away from chasing... we both know how that ends!

Posted on:
Wed, 20/06/2018 - 05:18

merlins

Joined:
2018-02-14

Day 118

World Cup is teasing me everyday. I am here alone in the room and can't move around like I used to. So it makes sense that I have got urges to bet. When I look back the days I used to gamble, those were the very stressful days, especially when I was losing a lot.

Posted on:
Fri, 22/06/2018 - 05:38

merlins

Joined:
2018-02-14

Day 120

Today, I reached four months period of gambling free. The last relapse was a nightmare and gave me all kinds of stress. But still when World Cup comes, I started feeling like betting again. It's crazy that my mind always tries to go back what destroys me. 

Anyway, I try to focus not to let any negative thoughts influence me. I try to look forward to the future that things have been sorted out and I will be enjoying my life again.

Posted on:
Sat, 23/06/2018 - 11:07

merlins

Joined:
2018-02-14

Day 121

These days I have a lot of urges and I almost forget why I stopped gambling and what gambling did to me. That's how all my relapses started before. I forgot all my lessons learnt about gambling problems and my slective memory about exciting moments when I gambled kicked in. However, I give myself credit because I haven't gambled even though now I have some money and all the time alone in my room when World Cup is going on. I have deleted all the favorited sport news links and I stopped watching World Cup matches either live or highlights. Doing so eliminates my urges to bet.

Posted on:
Sun, 24/06/2018 - 10:27

merlins

Joined:
2018-02-14

Day 122

I was in a low mood. I was sitting and ruminating about things I don't have or I have lost and regretting.. feeling upset. On those moments, I really want to gamble. But my common sense kicked in and told myself how low and stressful my life was when I was gambling and I also told myself to appreciate what I have right now becuase what I have now is a lot better than what I had been and who I had been when I was gambling.

Posted on:
Wed, 27/06/2018 - 18:05

merlins

Joined:
2018-02-14

Day 125

Another relapse is knocking my door really closely. World Cup. I see and hear people are talking about it everywhere. My instinct started predicting on the games automatically. 

Posted on:
Wed, 27/06/2018 - 20:10

Forum admin

Joined:
2010-11-01

Hello merlins 

Welcome to the forum. Congratulation on four months away from gambling. I can see from your post that your are sometimes struggling with gambling thoughts. It can help to look at other activities to do. Tthis can occupy your time and keep you focused on something else and distract you from any gambling thoughts.  Please see here for more information http://www.gamcare.org.uk/get-advice/what-can-you-do/changing-your-behaviour#.VBwD__ldXww . I hope you find this helpful.

We do have a helpline if you want to talk with an adviser we are open 8am -midnight the contact number is 0808 8020 133. 

Keep posting merlins 

We are here to support you 

Kind Regards 

Forum admin  

Posted on:
Wed, 27/06/2018 - 21:11

MR3000

Joined:
2018-06-27

Hi, 

I thought I will start by saying I am a Gambling Addict. I have known this for a while but it is really truly hitting home now.            Previously when I read stories of other people in serious debt from gambling, I would say to myself that can never be me, I am too intelligent and strong. However alas stronger men than me have failed at controlling this addiction and I am no different.     I have quit a few times, 3 months here 2 months here, each time I read and study gambling urges and addiction why it makes me chuck logic to the wind.  This force , feels both spiritual and demonic...a siren with sweet music luring you to certain death, yet you go for the bitter sweet ride, perhaps because it helps you forget deeper problems..a never dying foe, that advances as you do, becoming more tricky and menacing each time it is slated.... I could go on but I will stop here’re for now.. but to conclude I am a Gambling addict and I need help.

 

 

 

Posted on:
Wed, 27/06/2018 - 21:43

MR3000

Joined:
2018-06-27

 

reading you fight and success is really inspiring.. don’t give in.. we both know it is not worth it. Also nothing last forever .. imagine what would happen if you keep going. 

merlins wrote:

Day 125

Another relapse is knocking my door really closely. World Cup. I see and hear people are talking about it everywhere. My instinct started predicting on the games automatically. 

 

Posted on:
Wed, 27/06/2018 - 22:32

merlins

Joined:
2018-02-14

Thanks, Admin. I looked into the link.

Hi Gozy. That's the scariest thought 'what if I keep going.' Also it is scary that I have been allowing myself to think betting is okay because a lot of other people are betting on World Cup games.

Posted on:
Thu, 28/06/2018 - 07:57

MR3000

Joined:
2018-06-27

 

Enough gh is enough I have friends who can gamble without it beeing an addiction.. but the truth is for people like me and you that is not the case. You cannot just have a small flutter for us it is life or death. All GAmbling ever does is take.. it has taken so much.. don’t let it take anymore. Because you know it will and you will be back at the start in so much pain .. more than you are in now. Stay strong. 

 

merlins wrote:

 

Thanks, Admin. I looked into the link.

Hi Gozy. That's the scariest thought 'what if I keep going.' Also it is scary that I have been allowing myself to think betting is okay because a lot of other people are betting on World Cup games.

Posted on:
Thu, 28/06/2018 - 13:25

merlins

Joined:
2018-02-14

MR3000. Great post. I guess we have to take gambling life or death seriously. I agree on that. 

Posted on:
Sat, 30/06/2018 - 18:35

merlins

Joined:
2018-02-14

Day 128

             I was studying the pattern of the urge that occurs to me. There is a time that rises. If I don't act on it after some time it disappears. My only concern is after last relapse and losing a lot, the feeling was very strong to quit betting, but after some time, I started feeling like to bet again. Regardless of all the urges, I went to see the doctor and he recommended some antidepressant because according to the test result, my depression seems severe. I am glad I was seeking help and taking initiative on my depression situation. I only hope that my depression and the antidepressant are not triggering my gambling urge.

Posted on:
Sat, 30/06/2018 - 20:26

merlins

Joined:
2018-02-14

I can’t watch World Cup for fun. When I do, I started betting in my mind and get frustrated when the results turn out my way because I didn’t put a bet on it.

Posted on:
Sun, 01/07/2018 - 18:43

merlins

Joined:
2018-02-14

Day 129

I am going to stop using facebook for a while because I see a lot of World Cup news and people's talking about World Cup. It doesn't help me with dealing the urges if I keep seeing and hearing about it. That's one thing. The other thing that triggers the urge is I don't have any other interesting things to do. Then, my boredom steaks in and makes me gamble. So I need to reshape my focus and to do something else to improve my quality of life. The first thing I want to deal with is my depression. With depression, I am not willing to do anything nor enjoying anything. So I started taking my antidepresant two days ago. That's a good start. Since I can't go out and exercise due to my disability, I exercise at home. Exercising helps me with my self esteem. I have the other areas I want to improve like dating, having a better job. But currently those are not possible. So I will focus on something within my reach and will keep on improving. I will encourage myself to start small and to stay busy. Gook luck to me.

Posted on:
Mon, 02/07/2018 - 02:24

merlins

Joined:
2018-02-14

GF days - 130

Exercising - 1

Meditating - 1

Staying busy - 1

I want to be a bit creative. I will include the countings of the other things such as meditating, exercising, etc. rather than GF days to help me improve my quality of life in general. 

Posted on:
Tue, 03/07/2018 - 05:37

merlins

Joined:
2018-02-14

Day 131

I miss betting on sports a bit because it's kind of empty inside me now. I would be busy and occupied calculating which teams to bet on. Now I don't feel like I fit in when I go outside and I am insecure to be outside to do the simple stuff. 

Posted on:
Fri, 13/07/2018 - 04:56

merlins

Joined:
2018-02-14

Day 141

Each and everything improves slightly since last time. Since I can't run and do cutting sports, walking became my favorite thing to do. I have better and positive thoughts while walking. And still I haven't put a single bet for World Cup. But now I am having an urge to play online roulette. Boredom plays a major role in my relapses.

Posted on:
Fri, 13/07/2018 - 06:34

Frozen

Joined:
2010-11-22

Hi Mate, your diary reminds me of my own previous recovery’s.   It’s not worth returning to gambling.  Currently I feel suicidal and that just because of the hopelessness of constantly relapse.  You lose all joy for life.

Posted on:
Sat, 14/07/2018 - 07:36

merlins

Joined:
2018-02-14

Thank you Fronzen. Your comment makes me feel I am not alone in this path.

Day 142

I woke up this morning with low energy and depressed but I pushed myself to start walking and exercising in the house. Walking and doing some exercises help me with my mood a lot. Mostly, when I am sitting, I get depressed easily.

Posted on:
Mon, 16/07/2018 - 08:27

merlins

Joined:
2018-02-14

Day 144

I am glad WC is over. It takes my stress away because I don't have to fight the urge to bet on the matches. There is still another battle I am fighting everyday, which is lack of motivation. I will find my motivation from achieving every little thing.