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Posted on:
Wed, 22/11/2017 - 16:25

Abstainer

Joined:
2017-05-10

Thankyou ODAAT & MRG. Got through London without a hitch. No urges whatsoever which is a good sign.  x x 

Posted on:
Thu, 23/11/2017 - 08:56

Abstainer

Joined:
2017-05-10

Morning Diary. Day 7 gamble free.

Visiting my sister in Surrey for five days celebrating her 70th. All the family came round last night which was her birthday and all going to have a meal and party on Sunday. 

No conscious urges to gamble but woke up earlier in a gambling dream.

Got to be always on my guard.

Posted on:
Thu, 23/11/2017 - 14:10

Smashed

Joined:
2017-08-13

Enjoy the break, crack some jokes, a few drinks, and have a good time, and enjoy being around your family.

Posted on:
Thu, 23/11/2017 - 18:23

changemylife

Joined:
2016-11-02

Enjoy your break Stephen. Just remember that no one can force you into the bookies. You have the power to just walk on by - (hey there's a song there!). In our fight against addiction we will always have visual temptations. My latest weapon in my armoury against drinking alcohol is a silent statement, which I fire immediately when needed. It goes like this: I CANNOT HAVE A DRINK. IT WILL END UP KILLING ME! (I'm deadly serious) - When I see the opened bottle of wine that my OH has left in the kitchen it would be easy to have a gulp, but when you get the taste - you want more. I cannot drink sensibly - I always do things to excess!

Same with the gambling addict. It's just NOT possible to have a sensible or fun bet. That could also eventually cost us our lives.

Posted on:
Fri, 24/11/2017 - 21:46

Abstainer

Joined:
2017-05-10

Thankyou Smashed and Changemylife. Good to read your posts which are always positive. 

I am stephen, my last bet was 16th November 2017. I am committed to my recovery and feeling good.

Posted on:
Sat, 25/11/2017 - 11:51

Mixer

Joined:
2016-12-03

I hope you're having a great break Stephen, and also sense - I hope my instincts are right - you have extra resolve that is going to be pivotal as we approach Christmas. With you every step of the way, my friend. 

Posted on:
Sat, 25/11/2017 - 13:34

Abstainer

Joined:
2017-05-10

Thanks for the encouraging post Mixer. I suppose the tempation is going to be there for the foreseeable future, another dream of gambling last night so it's obviously entrenched in my subconscious.

Having a great time at my sister's, good to see my nephews, nieces, and their children. 

With sufficient to live my life and enjoy simple pleasures there really is no reason for me to gamble.

 

Posted on:
Sat, 25/11/2017 - 20:25

Rhoda

Joined:
2016-12-06

Hi Stephen, would be good to see you back in the Room, we all need one another. Take care. Helen.

 

 

Posted on:
Sat, 25/11/2017 - 22:22

S_J_B

Joined:
2013-05-25

Thanks Stephen for your post

I am glad to read you're finding peace and balance within yourself once again.

Keep accepting the support offered and also leave place in that jar of yours (I guess you have heard about sand in a jar story) for things that matters too....friends, free time, socialising and soaking little things in life...

My angels are dancing with yours...& to the best tune possible - FREEDOM!

https://youtu.be/LlY90lG_Fuw

Keep strong

S&B xx

Posted on:
Sun, 26/11/2017 - 00:09

changemylife

Joined:
2016-11-02

This song is dedicated to Stephen, 'The Abstainer' - to be sung silently whenever exposed to a bookmaker shop along the high street.

WALK ON BY - Dionne Warwick or Isaac Hayes. This is my edited version.

If you see me walking down the street
I have to smirk each time we meet
Then I'll just walk on by, walk on by...

Make believe,
that you don't see the tears
Just let me grieve in private
Cause each time I see you
I remember your big lie
So I will just carry on
And I'll walk on by, just walk on by...

I've finally got used to losing you
And so if I seem broken in two
It ain't the case at all
So I must keep on, walk on by...

Foolish pride,
is all that you gave me
So let me hide
The tears and sadness you gave me
When I couldn't say goodbye

But now I've moved on
As I look to the sky
And walk on by, walk on by...

Posted on:
Sun, 26/11/2017 - 13:45

degenerate

Joined:
2013-05-10

Sorry to hear of you relapse Abstainer. You have my respect for realising you need to get back to concentrating on recovery immediately. I would be in gamblings grip for weeks. Take care.

Posted on:
Tue, 28/11/2017 - 00:01

Abstainer

Joined:
2017-05-10

Hello Diary. Back from 5 days at my sisters celebrating her 70th. Had a great time and was not tempted to gamble. Took the bus this afternoon from Waterloo to Kings Cross and glanced at the bookies opposite the station. Very pleased with myself, I had 40 minutes to kill,  £80 in my wallet and I felt only a very small urge to gamble.

Not feeling too good in myself as I have pains in my chest, stomach and feeling a bit yuk all over, but that will pass. 

Thank you Helen hope your ok. I would like to attend GA but the nights coincide with my dance nights and I see dancing as an important part of my recovery.

Thank you S J B  for your post on my diary. Lovely sentiments showing you as a determined, thoughtful, compassionate person. Also liking your song selections.

Thank you for the wonderful post changemylife, it really brought a smile to my face and your lyrics are spot on. I will definitely return to that for a bit of inspiration and guidance.

Thankyou degenerate for your kind words. Why I returned to gambling is a mystery to me as I was doing so well. Nothing I can do about it so will just try again. I didn't lose a massive amount of money as I had previously bought all my christmas presents, got my train tickets, bought some new clothes and put money on my Asda gift card for shopping. What really saddens me is the betrayal. of myself and my GamCare friends who have given me so much support. It was sad, pathetic and I don't want to be like that anymore.

Posted on:
Wed, 29/11/2017 - 09:27

Sharon41

Joined:
2017-03-16

Hi Stephen, so glad you had a lovrly break with family but hope you ferl better today. Had a really intetesting chat with somrone yesterday about general mental health/behaviour stuff(how vague!) Which just reinforced to me it is odaat, carefully making decisions and being kind to yourself. So mega respect for passing by the bookies, avoiding the cycle of going there, beating yourself up snd ferling awful. Have a great GF day, take care S:)

Posted on:
Thu, 30/11/2017 - 00:45

changemylife

Joined:
2016-11-02

Hi Stephen. Thanks for the mention. I'm glad that you are back in the positive groove. A trip away often gives us a breather, a time for contemplation, and perhaps more importantly, a renewed stance on our future. As you know it's all about having a laugh, sometimes laughing at ourselves, being active and finding new ways and challenges.
Above all its about knowing and believing that you are doing the right things. Looking forward, not back.

All the best to you and remaining free from gambling for a better life.

Posted on:
Thu, 30/11/2017 - 16:35

Matt 24

Joined:
2012-04-25

Hi Stephen

Firstly, I am sorry I haven't managed to catch up on your diary recently, this time of year is always crazy workwise for me.

I am really sorry to hear you relapsed but DO NOT beat yourself up about that, you now have a new day one, don't be defined by the relapse. You just need to show that strength of character we all know you have. You helped me get to where I am today and you are someone we all want to succeed.

Keep going mate

Matt

Posted on:
Sat, 02/12/2017 - 09:37

Annie2016

Joined:
2016-05-01

Hi Stephen, You have done so well that you only slipped once and that this didn't then recur. You can regain your positivity and you have aleady begun another journey to freedom. I will join you - although a little behind on my day count - Day 1 again for me. But you inspire me with your strength, kindness and courage and I believe in you! x

Posted on:
Sat, 02/12/2017 - 18:09

Mixer

Joined:
2016-12-03

Hi Stephen

I hope everything's Ok mate, still following your diary thread, always a must-read with some great support and comments from you and a great band of fellow supporters. We're always here, through thick and thin :)

 

Posted on:
Sun, 03/12/2017 - 20:41

changemylife

Joined:
2016-11-02

Stephen. Thinking about you and hope that you are feeling fine. Sticking two fingers up at the gambling with a dedicated belief that each day you will become more resourceful and content with your life. Doors will open, romance may blossom, finances will improve and you'll be proud as punch.

Posted on:
Mon, 04/12/2017 - 06:39

Little miss lost

Joined:
2016-05-24

We're all in this together Stephen, come rain or shine. Looking forward to hearing from you x

Posted on:
Mon, 04/12/2017 - 09:57

Abstainer

Joined:
2017-05-10

Thank you for the posts on my diary which I really appreciate. A week ago today I went for a steam and a splash at the gym, hoping to clear my airways and liven me up. It made me very dizzy so I went to A&E where I was immediately admitted to hospital with very high, irregular heartbeat and pneumonia. Came out yesterday and taking heart tablet, steroids and antibiotics. Feeling very fortunate as my heartbeat was 157 and it should be 60 - 90 so think I've been lucky.

Hope my GamCare friends are all ok and successfully battling this monstrous addiction we are all afflicted by. 

Posted on:
Mon, 04/12/2017 - 10:13

Sharon41

Joined:
2017-03-16

Phew!! So glad you have posted this morning but sorry you have been poorly :( Please take care of yourself and do lots of resting.Take it easy S:)

Posted on:
Mon, 04/12/2017 - 10:21

Merry go round

Joined:
2017-06-08

Hey Stephen take it easy and get better. Look after yourself!

Posted on:
Mon, 04/12/2017 - 10:29

chartom3

Joined:
2015-03-11

Sorry to hear you have been poorly Stephen, take things easy and look after yourself mate nothing more important than your health, hope your feeling better soon, this place is not the same without your daily posts and song choices which i always look forward to reading ..... take it easy and concentrate on getting yourself back to full health again.

Posted on:
Mon, 04/12/2017 - 10:54

Forum admin

Joined:
2010-11-01

Hello Abstainer

Sorry to hear you've had problems with your health. Wishing you a full and speedy recovery. Looking forward to having your voice on the forum again when you're feeling well.

Best wishes

Forum Admin

Posted on:
Mon, 04/12/2017 - 11:33

S_J_B

Joined:
2013-05-25

Wishing you speedy recovery Stephen, look after no 1!!

Strength and good health to you.

S xx

Posted on:
Mon, 04/12/2017 - 18:41

Abstainer

Joined:
2017-05-10

Thank you for the above posts which I appreciate.

Feeling out of sorts still and keep thinking it's tuesday for some reason. Doctors said I have to keep away from gym an swimming for 4 weeks. I will really miss that exercise. Christmas round the corner so I need to clear my head and get a bit more with it.

Wishing everyone well. Stephen.

Posted on:
Tue, 05/12/2017 - 00:18

4D

Joined:
2010-02-10

Sorry to hear you've been ill, that can really knock the stuffing out of you for a bit, time to take things easy and heal :)

Apparently listening to this piece of music can have a healing effect on the heart:**

https://youtu.be/tT9gT5bqi6Y

(google the Mozart effect!)

Hope you feel better soon Stephen and back to your normal self! Take care.

**edited to add: I'm not sure its this specific piece or just Mozart. I don't know a lot about classical! Maybe someone else will know! Something to do with the beat slowing the heart rate and calming the body? X

Posted on:
Tue, 05/12/2017 - 03:21

Moorey631986

Joined:
2016-09-08

Hi Stephen, I'm sorry to hear that you've been I'll recently. I hope you're feeling better very soon mate. 

You have a lot of friends on here who genuinely care about you, so take that love and positivity with you in any tough times you may face over the next few weeks. 

On the plus side, you're back up to 19 days already. That takes some guts and determination to get straight back into a recovery so soon after a relapse. You have my utmost respect mate. 

I think many on here would echo my thoughts. 

Keep posting and keep those spirits high, Stephen. This forum needs you as much as you need it. 

Take care, and rest up. 

Moorey

Posted on:
Tue, 05/12/2017 - 06:56

Little miss lost

Joined:
2016-05-24

I'm busy, busy but just had to say 'get well soon!'
Sending you a big get well hug!! Take care xx

Posted on:
Tue, 05/12/2017 - 08:56

ODAAT

Joined:
2014-11-10

Another huge “Get Well Soon” from me Stephen!  Take care of yourself - ODAAT 

Posted on:
Tue, 05/12/2017 - 10:24

Abstainer

Joined:
2017-05-10

Thank you so much for the get well wishes. I am better in myself today and counting my blessings, feeling very fortunate in having such wonderful supportive friends in the diaries. Thank you 4D for the music link  which I enjoyed

Very impressed with all the staff I encountered in the hospital, really good, happy and caring peoplel.

19 Days GF today which has not been too much of a challenge as I been 5 days at my sisters and 6 days in hospital. My sister would freak out if she saw me gambling and there is no betting shops in the hospital.

Posted on:
Tue, 05/12/2017 - 15:04

Annie2016

Joined:
2016-05-01

Wishing you all the best in your recovery. Glad you are beginning to feel better gradually. xx

Posted on:
Tue, 05/12/2017 - 19:08

Annie_25

Joined:
2017-07-05

Hi Stephen 

I havent been on here for a while but just wanted to send you a big hug, warm wishes and all the very best. Glad to hear you are feeling better.take care.

Annie x

Posted on:
Tue, 05/12/2017 - 20:29

Sars27

Joined:
2017-06-02

Get well soon sir Stephen ! Don’t worry about not going to the gym just keep moving and eat well :) listen to the Physio ;) take care sir 

Sars 

Posted on:
Wed, 06/12/2017 - 09:47

changemylife

Joined:
2016-11-02

Hi Stephen. Hope you're resting and taking good care. It was a thoughtful suggestion from 4D to listen to the soothing music and hopefully this helps. Live and love each day and appreciate all the special moments from people who care.

Posted on:
Wed, 06/12/2017 - 09:48

Abstainer

Joined:
2017-05-10

Thank you for all the kindness and encouragement.

Day 20 GF which is good but struggling with my breathing and not sleeping very well. Doctors said it will take some weeks for my chest to clear. I guess it's payback time for years of puffing on cigarettes.

All this is down to smoking which messed up my lungs, although I stopped 16 + years ago the damage was done. Developed COPD which made me vulnerable to pneumonia and recently made my heart go crazy. The moral of the story is **** DON'T SMOKE ****

Sorry for the negative post, hope everyone is enjoying the run up to christmas and staying gamble free.

Posted on:
Wed, 06/12/2017 - 19:37

Mixer

Joined:
2016-12-03

Hi Stephen,

Like all of us, really sorry to hear you're in the wars my friend. So glad you're 'in the system' and the doctors have given you the advice you need to slowly, but surely, get over this unpleasant time you're going through right now. We're all with you mate.

Hey, I've got a song for you! It's the great Bob Marley :) -->  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PGYAAsHT4QE 

Take care my friend

Mixer

 

 

Posted on:
Wed, 06/12/2017 - 20:50

Sharon41

Joined:
2017-03-16

Evening Stephen, hope you're getting lots of rest and taking it easy. With you 100% S:)

Posted on:
Thu, 07/12/2017 - 22:11

Abstainer

Joined:
2017-05-10

Thank you Mixer & Sharon. Slowly on the mend and just need to be more positive. Enjoyed your music link Mixer, the video of the Caribbean with Bob Marley singing " don't worry about a thing cos every little thing's gonna be alright." Certainly brought a smile to my face. Great to see you doing so well Sharon, you really are a wonderful example to us all. Wish I could bottle your courage and determination and I'd have two spoonfuls every day. 

Posted on:
Sat, 09/12/2017 - 09:46

Sharon41

Joined:
2017-03-16

Hi Stephen, thanks for posting and your kind eords as always. Hope you are on the road to recovery and big respect for bouncing back. You have come a long way and provide care and wisdom for us all. Take it easy and have a lovely weekend S:)

Posted on:
Sun, 10/12/2017 - 12:22

Abstainer

Joined:
2017-05-10

A chilly good Sunday to all on the diaries. 

Addiction  is generally not good, whatever one's poison it can be soul destroying to have cravings for anything. As a compulsive gambler I have experienced shame and inadequacy which have just helped to fuel the addiction's hold over me.

It is often said we are our own worse enemies. Living in the grip of gambling addiction can blind us to everything, including the suffering of ourselves and our nearest and dearest. We make excuses and try to justify our gambling with all kinds of nonsense.  Compulsive gamblers feeding the addiction might even claim to be trying to win money for the family.

Well I am not being pestered by the addiction today so I am feeling very confidant about my recovery. My chest pains and breathing are troubling me but that should clear up in a while.

Many on the diaries have remained gamble free for long periods.There is no reason I cannot do the same.

Twenty four days since my last bet. I am now on a mission. My promise is that I will not gamble today and hopefully tomorrow I can make the same promise. In the back of my mind is a target of 500 Days Gamble Free. If I can get to that I feel I will have cracked it.

Love and best wishes to all on the diaries. 

Posted on:
Sun, 10/12/2017 - 12:28

Sharon41

Joined:
2017-03-16

Hi Stephen on this insanely blustery day, great positive post....I know you can do this! I have kept diaries for the last 7-8 years and can see when I started gambling. Sometimes I dwell on these but am going to buy a new diary today and have a fresh page/year for 2018. 24 days since your last gamble but you laid strong foundations previously so be kind to yourself as you have been to many others. Speedy recovery and take care S:)

Posted on:
Sun, 10/12/2017 - 19:49

chartom3

Joined:
2015-03-11

Hi Stephen, Thanks for the kind words on my diary .... it really is crazy what we put ourselves through when we gamble knowing fine well what the outcome will be, still feeling pretty low after yesterday but words of encouagement & help from people like yourself on here really does give me hope that i can turn things around. Hope you are on the mend health wise,and yes you right there is no reason we cant go for long periods gamble free again.Keep fighting mate, we can do this.

Posted on:
Mon, 11/12/2017 - 11:30

Matt 24

Joined:
2012-04-25

Hi Stephen

I am very sorry to read you have been so unwell Stephen. I hope you are on the mend now, I am sure it was a frightening experience and traumatic time.

Be kind to yourself and don't be afraid to ask for help. I am glad to read you are again gamble free.

Keep going.

Matt

Posted on:
Mon, 11/12/2017 - 11:44

Abstainer

Joined:
2017-05-10

Morning diary. Starting to feel better in myself, a little improvement in my chest and breathing so feeling happier.

Thanks for the posts on my diary. I feel very fortunate to be amongst such wonderful people on the diaries. 

Sharon. Congratulations on 270 days gamble free. Your approach to recovery has been brilliant. Whenever the addiction tried to break your resolve you just kept going. One day at a time you have shown courage, determination and compassion for your fellow travellers. 

Chartom. Good to see you back on the road and resolved to try again. A blip might only last a few hours but it can set our financiel recovery back a few months so it's not good. No point beating ourselves up though, we just have to get our head round it and try again. 

Love and best wishes to all on the diaries. Hope we can all find what we're looking for.

Posted on:
Mon, 11/12/2017 - 15:39

Smashed

Joined:
2017-08-13

Good to see your feeling better, like your reference to travelling, it's what were all doing, all different paths, all with one goal, meeting each other along our paths and sharing stories of how far were going and with our own specific tips of how we do it and taking advice from others. No more slips if you feel like your slipping were coming back for you. Stay focused. :-)

Posted on:
Mon, 11/12/2017 - 17:14

Mixer

Joined:
2016-12-03

Evening Stephen and great to hear that you're slowly on the mend. Above all else, our health comes first. And it's great to hear, despite the wars you're going through right now, that you're still focussed on what matters; living the best life you can.

Meantime - take it easy! --> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QgHEmcJRx9U 

"Take it easy, take it easy

Don't let the sound of your own wheels Drive you crazy

Lighten up while you still can

Don't even try to understand

Just find a place to take your stand and take it easy."

So long as we enjoy life, swerve the gambling, there ain't much more to it. Take it easy :) !

Posted on:
Mon, 11/12/2017 - 19:44

Moorey631986

Joined:
2016-09-08

Hey Stephen, 

Great to hear that you’re feeling a little bit better and that your breathing has improved.

Much like our gambling recoveries, slow and steady is what is needed. 

I can’t believe you’ve racked up so many days already after your last blip. You’re doing well matey.

Keep positive and keep posting when you need us. 

Take care, Moorey

Posted on:
Tue, 12/12/2017 - 00:35

changemylife

Joined:
2016-11-02

Hi Stephen. I'm really glad that you are feeling better and back on a pathway to hope, peace and happiness. This forum really does bring people together. Supporting one another with honesty and sincerity. A community of like-minded folk.

I know that you will reach Guru status and beyond. You have taken stock of all things in your life, good and bad and know what you want.

We must continually say to ourselves 'I don't need to gamble. I don't have to gamble. Life is better without gambling'!

All the best mate

Posted on:
Wed, 13/12/2017 - 18:59

Abstainer

Joined:
2017-05-10

Thank you for posting on my diary, the support and encouragement really helps. 

Think I overdid it yesterday with a steam and swim followed by salsa dancing last night but can't lounge around indefinitely. Feel better but still pains in my chest. Appointment next tuesday at chest clinic and the day after off to my sisters to celebrate christmas with nephews and nieces.

Smashed. Good to see you really determined and getting further away from your last bet. Sorry about the parking tickets, I had three and each time it really annoyed me.

Mixer. Thanks for the Eagles message. Great meaningful lyrics which I have taken on board. I will follow your advice; "Enjoy life, swerve the gambling and take it easy."

Moorey. Really pleased with your progress. The fog's lifted and your seeing things clearer than before. Great to see your determination and positivity. Christmas will definitely be better for us without the gambling. 

Changemylife. Always plenty of room for thought in your posts. Gives me plenty to ponder on when i'm trying to rationalise my behaviour and compulsion to gamble. Assuming the urges to gamble comes from within me, I don't understand why part of me is so intent on destroying me. It doesn't make much sense. I can see similarities with an unruly child who needs to be distracted from his destructive behaviour.

Anyway I don't gamble anymore and too much thinking gives me headache so i'm just going to focus on the simple fact that today I am not gambling.

 

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