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my future happiness

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#1 Posted on:
Tue, 07/11/2017 - 20:02

adam123

Joined:
2015-06-09

Today is the first day, the first day of securing a future full of happiness. In my future I would like to own my own house, have a job and be healthy. Gambling will make it difficult to have all of these things as it impacts on my health. I have blocked online gambling, tick, I have self excluded from all local bookies and have joined the sense scheme for all UK casinos. There is nothing stopping me from pouring hundreds into pub fruit machines but theres nothing I can do about that so I will have to use will power for that avenue. So today on chat I had two fleeting thoughts about going to poker but I quickly dismissed them after five mins the thoughts were gone. Like my thoughts on smoking after the ten months I've been smoke free the fleeting thoughts go instantly now and this is what I am aiming for with gambling thoughts. That they will come and go as quickly as they came. This will come with time. So aim number one reach Friday with no gambling. 06/11/17 over and out adam

Posted on:
Tue, 14/11/2017 - 21:57

adam123

Joined:
2015-06-09

So one week later, went five days well then weekend came, got excited and all plans went out the window. Spent money on fruit machines and slot machines, all in all a disaster. Picked myself up again, dusted myself off agaaaaain, then decided agaiiiiin that I need to change. So decided I need to have more savings so this month I will try and keep money in bank and not go into overdraft like I usually do. Over and out

Posted on:
Sun, 19/11/2017 - 22:13

adam123

Joined:
2015-06-09

Nice weekend, been ill so stayed in bed Friday night and all of Saturday then went out for lunch Sunday. Amazing what time with the family can do. Back to work tomo so early night tonight

Posted on:
Wed, 22/11/2017 - 20:07

adam123

Joined:
2015-06-09

Win lose cashpoint, win lose cashpoint, win lose cashpoint that's what I did on Monday and lost 100 pounds, two days wage in half an hour, a completely pointless routine that I tend to do once a month for release of stress. Don't know why the aftermath is more stress and worry. Got to stop cant stop, urges are there and I feel the need to itch once a month. I just don't know when its gonna happen now or if it ever will. Firstly ive cancelled plans for this weekend cant spend what ive lost . So will stay in over weekend as I'm skinf and I'm ill. Don't know what id do if I didn't gamble, what hobbies id have but I think after a couple of months id get used to it. Think ill aim for a new fresh 2018 like I did last year. One month to prepare for it then over to the will power and new hobbies. Don't really feel the need to drink alcohol anymore as I don't feel the benefits anymore. A bit down at the mo as works nog going too well and I might lose my job if I'm not careful and working my **** off and not making mistakes. Here's to a afresh 2018 and a new life

Posted on:
Wed, 22/11/2017 - 20:29

Muststop123

Joined:
2017-10-03

Hi 06/11/17

Sorry to hear about your relapse.

Bit worried waiting another month will mean more losses in the meantime? Could you pass control of your finances over to any of your family to help control your opportunity to gamble? I see you have already self excluded from bookies/casinos so it would be to stop you playing on the fruit machines.

Good luck

Posted on:
Sun, 26/11/2017 - 22:04

adam123

Joined:
2015-06-09

Hi must stop, thanks for the post. Ive given all my money to my parents as I do each month. Just got my overdraft on my card that I can do the damage on. On Monday this week I took out 160 pounds and lost it apart from sixty then paid that back into my account the next day so one hundred down from a visit to the pub and as allways I didn't even have an alcoholic drink, begs to tell me why am I going there. So this weekend I stayed in even tho I was tempted to gamble I didn't. So I'm going to start my 2018 approach early by stopping going to pubs with fruit machines in them and stop my poker games in pubs as a result. In 2016 I spent 8000 on my socialising id say conservatively half of that was gambling. Then this year I've lost 1300 . So its come down dramatically with the blocks but everything ive lost has been through fruit machines and if I'm not in pub playing poker then I wont be playing fruit machines. This site has been great for me over the years and I'm glad I noticed how bad my problem is before it gets worse. Ive not gambled since Thursday and the was a poker game five pounds. I think I should be able to find new hobbies to take up my time and hopefully not be soo preocupied by money matters. I'm going to save up and go away for the world cup in June. Something to aim for.

Posted on:
Mon, 27/11/2017 - 13:34

adam123

Joined:
2015-06-09

At work already thinking about tonight, got to be strong and not go.

Posted on:
Tue, 05/12/2017 - 19:03

adam123

Joined:
2015-06-09

​so here we go again my fruit machine Went to pub last night and well to cut a long story short two hundred pounds, cant believe it just thought I had to get my money back and it escalated sooo quickly. So I've transferred all my holiday savings back into my bank account and now back to square one. What I could do with that money. I find it soo hard, so as I need more energy at work to keep my job and I need realisation of the true value of money in staying in in the future and going to bed early. So this is my day one not to say this will work it never does but I've got to start somewhere

Posted on:
Thu, 07/12/2017 - 21:20

adam123

Joined:
2015-06-09

Day three over no gambling

Posted on:
Sat, 09/12/2017 - 21:13

adam123

Joined:
2015-06-09

So I'm on day five and managed to steer clear of poker games and pubs Tuesday and Thursday. Next big challenge tomo afternoon, theres a big game on in the pub in the afternoon and boy am I tempted. Just need to take the one day at a time approach and ill be fine. Might go for a coffee to a coffee shop in the afternoon instead. Its been hard this week but tomos the big test as I haven't got work Monday, ive got nothing on tomo and can easily get the money. Plusses to not going being ive already done five days don't want to go back to zero, its just money don't need it, and if I didn't win id be at least forty pounds down which I can defo use for Xmas presents and towards a summer holiday. Here's to a successful gamble free Sunday tomo.

Posted on:
Sat, 09/12/2017 - 23:21

Little miss lost

Joined:
2016-05-24

I'll look forward to reading that you've succeeded in getting through the day with gambling tomorrow.
Difficult for you when there's fruit machines at every turn.
All good wishes x

Posted on:
Sun, 10/12/2017 - 23:54

adam123

Joined:
2015-06-09

Well I've done it again went and played a poker game for fifty pounds and lost, was tempted to play on fruit machines after but luckily I just walked out. So what have I learnt, ive learnt that the after feeling lasts longer than the anticipation. The realisation of the cost outways any wins. So I lasted six days and then stumbled. I'm making progress, I didn't go into my overdraft even tho I was tempted and taking my card with me was a big mistake. I really do enjoy the company of my friends at the pub but its not helping me financially. So I was thinking of ending my exclusion from casinos and going a couple of times a year but I know deep down that I don't have the self control that is needed to go with it. So I'm on a day off tomo so I'm going to sort my finances out, maybe go to the gym and maybe for a coffee and look round the shops. Lifes not all bad, I am looking forward to Christmas and so far this month its not all been bad. So far I've sent five hundred this month on presents and going out so will have to stay in mostly whilst off work then celebrate new years in style round a friends then build my recovery in 2018 and beyond. Its never good writing these posts when uve failed but I've become accustomed to it. This year 4500 spent on gambling and going out, last year 8000, 2018 I'm hoping 2500, then that'll mean lots of saving. Looking at my bank statements are something I hate but in future I would like to just get a page sumary a month rather than three.

Posted on:
Mon, 11/12/2017 - 00:00

adam123

Joined:
2015-06-09

Reading that back and the anticipation of playing today actuallylasted a long time last night and when I gave in a felt good like I was going to get my fix of gambling my fix of poker. If I won would I stop at that hell no the cycle would of continued into the new year and beyond and I would be back here again at the end of another year at more expense and more stress. So in a way I'm glad i lost. I can start over and look to the future.

Posted on:
Mon, 11/12/2017 - 20:16

adam123

Joined:
2015-06-09

So day one, was I tempted to go back, hell yeah, did I give in hell no. One more time in on day one hopefully I can do myself proud this time. Back to work tomo. Ive spent 380 pounds this month and a lot of time left in the month including a lot of time off. Here's to a successful start.

Posted on:
Mon, 11/12/2017 - 20:49

Moorey631986

Joined:
2016-09-08

Hi Adam, my advice to you would be to start off simple. 

Set yourself the target of not gambling for the day. Don’t worry about tomorrow. Think only today.

Try and find some hobbies/goals to achieve that would make both yourself and others proud. 

It could be something as simple as hitting the gym or reading. 

Or something long term, like training for a half marathon etc.

Focus your energy on to something completely away from gambling. 

There are also some great videos on YouTube that educate yourself about why we gamble. 

What blocks do you currently have in place?

Posted on:
Tue, 12/12/2017 - 10:38

Josh280

Joined:
2017-11-17

The fact is you don’t want to stop.

Having looked through your diaries you’ve relapsed over 120 times since 2015.

Maybe it’s time to look at your situation a bit different. If you want to gamble which clearly you do why not set a budget for the month? 

Say you spend 200 a month on gambling cut down one month to 150 and the next 100 and so on.

Slowly ween the need to gamble out of your life.

There’s not much else you can try if you’ve tried everything else 

Good luck

Posted on:
Tue, 12/12/2017 - 15:34

adam123

Joined:
2015-06-09

Thanks for the posts it means a lot. I'm trying the gym and swimming option and training to do a 5k run. This will give me something to aspire to. Hi josh thanks for taking the time to read my diaries. Yds ive been on here two years and 120 relapses is a lot however I've been improving like u say to aim for. Ive pretty much got to the stage where practically any money I spend is on gambling and nothing else for the past six months I've spenf four hundred a month on holidays clothes drinks food and gambling. My aim, my target for 2018 is to get my spending down to 200 a month this will start January.

Posted on:
Tue, 12/12/2017 - 22:34

adam123

Joined:
2015-06-09

Well I've just read my diary back and remembered the last five time in the past month I've been gambling on fruit machines. Each time ive lost over a hundred pounds. Almost done it again tonight stupidly went out with cash card and almost took out some money but the line has to be drawn somewhere and it was there and then. Ive no money in account so id of gone into overdraft 20 if lucky 100 if stupid and all for the sake of winning forty pounds if really lucky. So like advised I'm going to ween myself off it. I'm not going to say I wont gamble as that gets me nowhere. I'm going to say this month I will spend sixty pounds on gambling all poker not fruit machines or if fruit machines then that's part of the sixty pounds. One days wage for me a month. This month I have already gone way over so ill start next month. I am saying I need to change my strategy as for two years I've not been able to stop and I don't think that'll change

Posted on:
Tue, 12/12/2017 - 23:14

Moorey631986

Joined:
2016-09-08

Hi Adam, everybody on here is entitled to their opinion and I'm just going to offer you mine....

I think for as long as you keep that gambling window open, you will always fall into the trap of going 'too far' with your actions. I'm speaking purely from my own experience. I've tried to set budgets, deposit limits etc but it didn't work for me. I would always start off with the best intentions but inevitably I would slip back into my old ways. You need a clean break from gambling. It's the only way. You have to want the better life, Adam. 

Good luck with whatever you choose. We are all here rooting for you.

Moorey

Posted on:
Wed, 13/12/2017 - 23:07

adam123

Joined:
2015-06-09

Hi, was at pub tonight and watched a mate lose twenty pounds on machine and thought id have a go, I was tempted and as soon as the opportunity was there and the bad idea popped into my head I was acting on it. Luckily the cash machine didn't work and the pub doesn't do cash back. I would definitely have been twenty pounds down. So I've learnt again what I have to do with these ideas, I have to wait ten minutes however difficult those ten minutes are and come back down to reality and not take out the money.